These have been really difficult days. It's easy to feel no hope when your locus of control is zero. When you have no income, your locus of control is zero. In a capitalist society, this makes you, by definition, little more than an NPC, incapable of anything but scripted responses (unless you want to be seen as a crazy person, which I am tired enough no longer to mind).

Also, I'm sure that if you die, instead of accountability, somebody gets experience points.

Your compassion and generosity have been a lifesaver in these days. The first time I tried to get into Pittsburgh, I learned the bus ran only in the early morning and in the late afternoon. Incredibly, it was only 10 AM, and already my day was ruined. That was Wednesday.

Thursday, I was broke. And it was Thanksgiving. On a day celebrating the genocide of American Indigenous people, I considered the ways in which capitalism is designed to force us to destroy ourselves when we can no longer serve in the people-grinder that is the American workforce. It is a day to remember all that we must fight for and against.

I'm not sure when I was reminded about Venmo's existence for the second time, but I was dissociating so intensely that I ended the night as Joan with Pip, Carmen, and Chaz so exhausted they passed out. And I started getting this really bad headache that hasn't really gone away since. But Venmo existed, and you had come through for me big time. I could end Thursday much better off than I started it. And now, I think maybe I'll be OK for a week or so. As long as I don't get hit by too many surprises like the transportation one on Friday (see below).

At some point I got half the Budget money back, but my account is now overdrawn by $400, and now by $35 less thanks to a new GoFundMe donation that just came through. (I'd talked about this before in short, but I fought so hard for this that I'm still tired about it.) I'm not optimistic we'll get that checking account cleared soon, but I'm happy it's not as daunting a prospect now. The GoFundMe goal is currently to clear this final $400 deficit so I can use my bank account again.

https://www.gofundme.com/f/ellis-emergency-fund

#MutualAid #Pittsburgh #PublicTransit #SystemicFailure #TransCrowdfund #WritingCommunity #Capitalism #ActuallyAutistic #BudgetRentACar #Solidarity #PovertyTax

(Thread 1/2 👇)

I have already been through so much, and it feels like no matter what I try to do to escape the never ending train of crises that poverty gifts you with, another blow is ready to knock you back down on your ass.

And now, here we are again, and every time it gets a little harder to ask myself why I even bother.

I posted earlier that I made it to safety, and that is true. But I want to be transparent about what that safety cost. This is the hardest part. What I'd rather be right now is self-destructive.

I just checked my bank account, and my lungs flattened out.

The one-way rental vehicle that got Riko and me out of danger was supposed to be manageable. Anything above and beyond the original cost was supposed to go into a payment plan that would allow me to pay back that amount in a reasonable manner. Instead, my debit card was hit with a total charge of $1,045.15.

This, despite the fact that no transactions that overdraw my account should be permitted. In retrospect, I should've just bought a car and sold it for the funds to get my new life started. (That's a joke. A bank would NEVER give YOU that much control over your OWN money. That control belongs to the companies you think you "choose" to patronize.

Leftisms aside, this didn't just drain the funds we raised—it destroyed them.

In my last update that I had "very little left." I have been made mistaken. I now have less than nothing.

I cannot buy food. I cannot pay for gas. I cannot pay for anything until this hole is filled. The bank and the rental agency are closed until Monday, leaving me stuck in this financial freeze.

I need to raise $1,050 immediately just to get back to ZERO.

Please, if you can help me clear this debt so I can actually make it through my first week in Pittsburgh, I would be forever grateful.

https://www.gofundme.com/f/ellis-emergency-fund

#MutualAid #TransCrowdfund #FinancialCrisis #Overdraft #Poverty #SystemicFailure #BudgetRentACar #Pittsburgh #TransLatina #EmergencyFund

P.S. If you know anyone that works for Budget, ask them why they're in the business of destroying people's lives. That's a good question for them to answer.