Droppieas a chronically depressed & anxious peep, never with much self-confidence even "before", but completely subterranean after my failed transition, my discovery of fedi in 2022 was a bit of a tonic. it gave me a way to actually have a modicum of socialisation, albeit only digital, but still rather better than the hitherto complete vacuum. i let myself come out of my shell a bit, comfortable that peeps might just react to my words alone, unaffected by my physical appearance that i loathe.
it is ofc though no magic cure, as i remain every bit as insecure, fragile, & maxxed-out in the self-doubt & self-repudiation that have characterised most of the decades of my existence... before & after. as such, i've inevitably been aware that fedi can be & is not only an avenue for some daily happiness, but also unfortunately sometimes a reinforcer of all the self doubt.
the primary way that latter manifests, is the frequent experience of seeing posts i make in threads, OPd by peeps i either Follow, or who are Mutuals, where i see the OP respond to posts of peeps earlier in the thread, & later in the thread, than my post, but rarely, & in some peeps' cases, never ever ever, with mine.
note i'm only alluding to patterns of non-interaction that i've noticed over periods of several months+, certainly not merely the unimportant incidents of some individual posts going ignored as once-off events.
i've not yet fully made up my mind, but am seriously contemplating protecting my embarrassingly fragile & clearly immature ego, by Unfollowing the "worst offenders", & maybe even blocking them to prevent me being tempted in future to try to join in more subsequently unresponded threads thus triggering me all over again.
peeps sometimes use the derogatory expression "toughen up, princess", & oh would that i could ๐ฅบ
#dropbearshit #depression #socialphobia #failedtransition
it is ofc though no magic cure, as i remain every bit as insecure, fragile, & maxxed-out in the self-doubt & self-repudiation that have characterised most of the decades of my existence... before & after. as such, i've inevitably been aware that fedi can be & is not only an avenue for some daily happiness, but also unfortunately sometimes a reinforcer of all the self doubt.
the primary way that latter manifests, is the frequent experience of seeing posts i make in threads, OPd by peeps i either Follow, or who are Mutuals, where i see the OP respond to posts of peeps earlier in the thread, & later in the thread, than my post, but rarely, & in some peeps' cases, never ever ever, with mine.
note i'm only alluding to patterns of non-interaction that i've noticed over periods of several months+, certainly not merely the unimportant incidents of some individual posts going ignored as once-off events.
i've not yet fully made up my mind, but am seriously contemplating protecting my embarrassingly fragile & clearly immature ego, by Unfollowing the "worst offenders", & maybe even blocking them to prevent me being tempted in future to try to join in more subsequently unresponded threads thus triggering me all over again.
peeps sometimes use the derogatory expression "toughen up, princess", & oh would that i could ๐ฅบ
#dropbearshit #depression #socialphobia #failedtransition
Droppie [opensoc]
Droppie [infosec] ๐จ
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