there's a state of being that some term #suicidality . wikipedia says
Suicidal ideation, or suicidal thoughts, is the thought process of having ideas or ruminations about the possibility of dying by
#suicide. It is not a diagnosis but is a symptom of some mental disorders, use of certain psychoactive drugs, and can also occur in response to adverse life circumstances without the presence of a mental disorder. On suicide risk scales, the range of suicidal ideation varies from fleeting thoughts to detailed planning
i know this personally, but tbh there was only one time i might have actually proceeded, ~15 years ago.
IMO there's another state of being with which i'm intimately familiar, as it replaced that suicidality many years ago. i suppose i'd clumsily try to describe it as being not a sense of wanting to die, but instead [some might fail to grasp or allow this nuance, i suppose] not
being interested in or motivated by a want to be alive, an absence of want of life. maybe the former is active, whereas the latter is passive?
maybe in fact this is bullshit? maybe this is just merely #nihilism &
#depression, poncing about trying to persuade me of something else?
oh well, it doesn't matter. life goes on. unfortunately. sadly.
#Depression #SelfLoathing #SocialPhobia #FailedTransition #PostOp #Transwoman #Transphobia #Unworthy #Nihilism #ExistentialFutility #SuicideIdeation #spoons #PrimalScream