Oh shit I’m screaming…

Trader Joe’s really dropped the ball when they named their tater tots “potato tots” instead of “trader tots.”

When I am King, we will throw politicians in a pit to be mauled by bears whilst I stand over the pit shouting that although things seem bad, actually everything is fine. As they're being thrown around and ripped to shreds I will blame the previous administration and assure them we're all doing everything we can and that any opposition to the bear is simply wokeness and have they tried not being mauled?

When I say I want to have kids in the future, I mean that I always want them to be at least two years away from wherever I am at the moment.

Leather jacket scam proven to be Fonzi Scheme.

I like to get absolutely hammered on margaritas at the airport Chili’s and then slam my money on the bar and sloppily put on my thrifted pilot’s jacket and shout “welp, that plane ain’t gonna fly itself!”

Psychics are always giving me bad news so I’m looking for a happy medium.