Timbones3d ago
Nick

St Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland, the evidence for this being that there are no snakes in Ireland that are not owned by zoos or goths.

In the same way, St Patrick must have driven the moles out of Ireland, because there are no moles. Maybe he was a golfer and they ruined the greens.

Anyway, hardware chain B&Q apparently did not know this and stocked sonic mole repellers in Northern Irish stores for years, where they never sold.

#StPatricksDay

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/northern_ireland/7335006.stm

BBC NEWS | UK | Northern Ireland | Blindingly obvious... mole repellers useless

DIY retailer B&Q is recalling sonic mole repellers from its Northern Ireland stores - because the mammals do not exist in Ireland.

Mar 17, 2025 at 5:11pmWeb
Show threadNick4d ago
So-called Professor Ian Montgomery from Queens so-called University Belfast here, with this entirely heathen explanation for the lack of snakes, moles and rhinos in Ireland. Claiming St Patrick stole valour from glaciers! #StPatricksDay
Show threadNick4d ago
Ireland is stoatally weasel-free. But it’s weaselly one of the best places to see a stoat. #StPatricksDay
Show threadStephen Darlington4d ago
@Nickiquote They only have one field mouse? How old is it?
Show threadNick4d ago
@sdarlington It’s very impolite to ask a field mouse its age.
Show threadStephen Darlington3d ago
@Nickiquote In fairness I was asking you, not the mouse.
Show threadKeith4d ago
@sdarlington @Nickiquote it's very old and very fast
Show threadNick4d ago
@keith @sdarlington Speedy O’Shaughnessy.
Show threadStephen Borrill4d ago
@Nickiquote I'm disappointed they missed the opportunity to say "Weasels are weasily recognised, but stoats are stoatally different"
Show threadДими́трий4d ago

@Nickiquote

calling all poets and songwriters: "there are stoats in ireland, but there are no weasels," demands your attention.

i don't understand why this isn't already set to music, it's begging to be a lyric in a beloved folk tune.

Show threadShivviness3d ago

@saltywizard @Nickiquote

We need KNEECAP to incorporate this educational weasel fact into one of their songs about the Brits.

Show threadChris3d ago
@Nickiquote yeah right. we all know moles can go underground!
Show threadJohn Caveney woke is me🛠️Mar 17, 2025
@Nickiquote That’s the most Irish news I’ve ever seen! 👏👏👏👏👏
Show threadJeniParsonsMar 17, 2025
@Nickiquote fabulous story 🤣🤣🤣
Show threadStanley Nerdlinger IIMar 17, 2025
@Nickiquote
This is not true. I saw an Irish woman with a mole.
Show threadNickMar 17, 2025
@Nerde She just have bought it on holiday.
Show threadEdelruth, PBS Passport HolderMar 17, 2025

@Nickiquote

I did not know that about moles.

Show threadNegative12DollarBillMar 17, 2025
@Nickiquote In these days of #enshittification I'm amazed they didn't introduce moles just to make the sales.
Show threadDavid Cohen4d ago
@Nickiquote Sonic mole repellers and no moles. So they work really well. What’s the problem?
Show threadNick4d ago
@davidbcohen “Nice golf course you have here. Would be a shame if the moles got in.”
Show threadMat B4d ago

@Nickiquote

This is an incredible piece of information that I will be trotting out in conversation all week.

Show threadRoger Lipscombe4d ago
@Nickiquote one supermarket chain, in their Harwich docks store, had flight socks (for DVT), but not seasickness remedies. The shop assistant didn't seem to understand the problem...
Show threadinternetsdairy4d ago
@Nickiquote "are you fellas all right in the back there?"
Show threadMorten4d ago
@Nickiquote Saint Patrick: And then the snake in the garden
Irish: What's a snake?
Patrick: I have saved you from the snakes!
Show threadGreem (Graeme. Not Graham!)4d ago
@Nickiquote "there are no weasels in Ireland" - have they looked in the Dáil?
Show threadNick4d ago
@greem Top satire.
Show threadChuckles4d ago
@Nickiquote this is wonderful but my 21st century takeaway is a mild surprise that they didn't release hundreds of moles to "develop the market".
Show threadNick3d ago
@celeduc I wonder what the people who introduced non-native grass snakes and slow worms were thinking.
Show threadJohn M. Gamble3d ago

@Nickiquote @celeduc

Trying to control non-native grass with snakes strikes me as risky, ecologically speaking.

Show threadEnrico3d ago
@Nickiquote reminds me of St. Paul and Malta: he was bitten by a snake and miraculously didn’t get poisoned. There are no venomous snakes in Malta. So either he miraculously removed the venom from all snakes in the island or he didn’t get poisoned because the snakes had no venom 🤣
Show threadDan Hatton3d ago

@illogical_me @Nickiquote

Candidate for a Humphries miracle: it doesn't operate by suspending the operation of the natural regularities that would later become known to humans via the scientific method, it operates by taking advantage of God's privileged (before humans had devised the scientific method) knowledge of those regularities.

Show threadRoger BW 😷3d ago
@Nickiquote It has been suggested that St Patrick was the only person who could see the snakes in the first place…
Show threadI AM BANKSY ☕ / 🗑‍🔥3d ago

@Nickiquote "Not a bear in sight! The bear patrol must be working like a charm!"

https://youtu.be/xSVqLHghLpw

The Simpsons Anti-Tiger Rock

YouTube
Show threadsurdfish3d ago

@xinit @Nickiquote

While St. Ernie rid Sesame Street of its alligators....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zwsmqZLCKPE&t=39s

Ernie Has a Banana in His Ear | Sesame Street Classic

YouTube
Show threadThe Penguin of Evil3d ago
@Nickiquote I've never believed thast St Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland. Imagine how big a truck you'd need ;)
Show threadRachel Rawlings3d ago
@Nickiquote So an English chain sets up in Ireland and doesn't know what's needed there? On brand.
Show threadElvis Prestwick3d ago
@Nickiquote "And there's another two tracks from sonic mole repellers coming up here on the Steve Lamacq show but here's Newsbeat."
Show threadCharnock3d ago
@Nickiquote I bought many of those mole repellers as they were always cheap in the Belfast B&Q and gave them to people as weird gifts. Joe McNally of the Fortean Times was particularly impressed and thought it was some kind of rocket based sex toy.
Show threadFran O'Reilly3d ago
@Nickiquote Lidl sold them here in Ireland a couple years ago as well, mixed in with the usual crazy middle-aisle fare
Show threadpaul3d ago

@Nickiquote

A thriving, wild population of over 560 to 1,200 red-necked wallabies (small relatives of kangaroos) lives on the Isle of Man, stemming from escapees from the Curraghs Wildlife Park in the 1960s. Primarily located in the Ballaugh Curragh wetlands, these non-native marsupials have adapted to the climate, forming a unique, touristic attraction.

https://adventure.com/isle-of-man-wallabies/

[Spoken Intro]
There's an old Australian stockman lying, dying
He gets himself up onto one elbow and he turns to his mates
Who are all gathered around and he says:

[Verse 1]
Watch me wallabies feed, mate
Watch me wallabies feed
They're a dangerous breed, mate
So watch me wallabies feed
All together now!

[Chorus]
Tie me kangaroo down, sport
Tie me kangaroo down
Tie me kangaroo down, sport
Tie me kangaroo down

[Verse 2]
Keep me cockatoo cool, Curl
Keep me cockatoo cool
Ah, don't go acting the fool, Curl
Just keep me cockatoo cool
All together now!

[Chorus]
Tie me kangaroo down, sport
Tie me kangaroo down
Tie me kangaroo down, sport
Tie me kangaroo down

[Verse 3]
An' take me koala back, Jack
Take me koala back
He lives somewhere out on the track, Mac
So take me koala back
All together now!

[Chorus]
Tie me kangaroo down, sport
Tie me kangaroo down
Tie me kangaroo down, sport
Tie me kangaroo down

[Verse 4]
Let me Abos go loose, Lou
Let me Abos go loose
They're of no further use, Lou
So let me Abos go loose
All together now!

[Chorus]
Tie me kangaroo down, sport
Tie me kangaroo down
Tie me kangaroo down, sport
Tie me kangaroo down

[Verse 5]
And mind me platypus duck, Bill
Mind me platypus duck
Ah, don't let 'im go running amok, Bill
Just mind me platypus duck
All together now!

[Chorus]
Tie me kangaroo down, sport
Tie me kangaroo down
Tie me kangaroo down, sport
Tie me kangaroo down

[Verse 6]
Play your didgeridoo, Blue
Play your didgeridoo
Ah, like, keep playin' 'til I shoot through, Blue
Play your didgeridoo
All together now!

[Chorus]
Tie me kangaroo down, sport
Tie me kangaroo down
Tie me kangaroo down, sport
Tie me kangaroo down

[Verse 7]
Tan me hide when I'm dead, Fred
Tan me hide when I'm dead
So we tanned his hide when he died, Clyde
And that's it hangin' on the shed
All together now!

[Chorus]
Tie me kangaroo down, sport
Tie me kangaroo down
Tie me kangaroo down, sport
Tie me kangaroo down

What are wild wallabies doing in the middle of the Irish Sea?!

This small island nation in the Irish Sea has one of the world's cutest problems. But how can they solve it?

Adventure.com
Show threadBill Hooker3d ago
@amiserabilist @Nickiquote I could've done without the racist lyric from a convicted paedophile.
Show threadpaul3d ago

@sennoma

hi bill.

Show threadAndrew3d ago
@Nickiquote this sonic giraffe repellant has kept my home giraffe-free since I bought it