NickMar 17, 2025

St Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland, the evidence for this being that there are no snakes in Ireland that are not owned by zoos or goths.

In the same way, St Patrick must have driven the moles out of Ireland, because there are no moles. Maybe he was a golfer and they ruined the greens.

Anyway, hardware chain B&Q apparently did not know this and stocked sonic mole repellers in Northern Irish stores for years, where they never sold.

#StPatricksDay

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/northern_ireland/7335006.stm

BBC NEWS | UK | Northern Ireland | Blindingly obvious... mole repellers useless

DIY retailer B&Q is recalling sonic mole repellers from its Northern Ireland stores - because the mammals do not exist in Ireland.

Show threadNick
So-called Professor Ian Montgomery from Queens so-called University Belfast here, with this entirely heathen explanation for the lack of snakes, moles and rhinos in Ireland. Claiming St Patrick stole valour from glaciers! #StPatricksDay
Mar 17 at 9:30amWeb
Show threadNick4d ago
Ireland is stoatally weasel-free. But it’s weaselly one of the best places to see a stoat. #StPatricksDay
Show threadStephen Darlington4d ago
@Nickiquote They only have one field mouse? How old is it?
Show threadNick4d ago
@sdarlington It’s very impolite to ask a field mouse its age.
Show threadStephen Darlington3d ago
@Nickiquote In fairness I was asking you, not the mouse.
Show threadKeith4d ago
@sdarlington @Nickiquote it's very old and very fast
Show threadNick4d ago
@keith @sdarlington Speedy O’Shaughnessy.
Show threadStephen Borrill4d ago
@Nickiquote I'm disappointed they missed the opportunity to say "Weasels are weasily recognised, but stoats are stoatally different"
Show threadДими́трий4d ago

@Nickiquote

calling all poets and songwriters: "there are stoats in ireland, but there are no weasels," demands your attention.

i don't understand why this isn't already set to music, it's begging to be a lyric in a beloved folk tune.

Show threadShivviness3d ago

@saltywizard @Nickiquote

We need KNEECAP to incorporate this educational weasel fact into one of their songs about the Brits.

Show threadChris3d ago
@Nickiquote yeah right. we all know moles can go underground!