korfuriApr 20, 2024
Waldo Jaquith
I made a new Mastodon bot, called "I Hope This Email Finds You.” Twice a day it proposes a novel way to conclude that sentence that opens so many emails. (It uses phrases from Google Books that include the phrase “finds you.”) I've been having fun reading these, so I turned it into a bot because you, too, might have fun reading them. https://botsin.space/@thisemailfindsyou/112295528875440987
I Hope This Email Finds You (@[email protected])

I hope this email finds you under a balcony and kisses you in the shadows until there's nothing left of you but sparkling fairy dust, and in your weakened state, you ask if she wants to hang out next weekend, and her face clouds and she goes, “Ohhh."

botsin.space
Apr 19, 2024 at 2:32amIvory for Mac
Show threadWaldo JaquithApr 19, 2024
It is possible that I have made Too Many Bots. Another one or two and I'm going to need to come up with some kind management infrastructure.
Show threadIan DeesApr 19, 2024
@waldoj
Show threadWaldo JaquithApr 19, 2024
@ian I made an archetype!
Show threadWaldo JaquithApr 19, 2024
1,300 people have followed my new bot in the past 12 hours, and I was really nervous that the next post it made might be boring or nonsensical and then everybody would say "we've made a huge mistake this bot actually sucks.” Instead it's this, which I'm delighted by. https://botsin.space/@thisemailfindsyou/112298380614532978
I Hope This Email Finds You (@[email protected])

I hope this email finds you wherever you go, and lands right in the center of your brain.

botsin.space
Show threadWaldo JaquithApr 20, 2024

I’ve subconsciously put together a little post-Horse_ebooks code of ethics for generative text bots, at least for myself:

1. The text can only come from the cited source.
2. The source text can’t have its meaning changed. OCR errors can be corrected, case can be adjusted, but don’t mess with meaning.
3. The source code must be published to allow others to see how it works.

Serendipity isn’t serendipity if it’s faked. Joy built atop a lie ends in disillusionment and disappointment.

Show threadWaldo JaquithApr 20, 2024

Those rules don’t apply to informative bots, like my .gov-registries bot. If I had some mechanism to review and edit these beforehand, and if doing so added more value to the list, I’d for sure do that. That’s all upside.

The delight in generative text bots is from the odd post that’s funny or clever or insightful for reasons that are basically random. https://botsin.space/@dotgov/112304215933003586

Botgov (@[email protected])

The following .gov domains have been registered in the past 24 hours: abcks.gov cityofeyotamn.gov cityofwalnutridge.gov clerkpbc.gov climatecore.gov climatecorp.gov commodorecoveimprovementdistrict.gov harrisburgnc.gov knoxcitytexas.gov laredo.gov redlandspd.gov saratogaca.gov thermopoliswy.gov vermilionsheriff.gov

botsin.space
Show threadNelson MinarApr 20, 2024
@waldoj I admire your ability to put some joy-limiting Protestant ethics in a generative text bot.
Show threadWaldo JaquithApr 20, 2024
@nelson Horse_ebooks gave 100,000 people bot trust issues 🤷🏼‍♂️
Show threadMax Fenton (defunct)Apr 20, 2024
@waldoj And I have the license plate to prove it
Show threadLyle Solla-YatesApr 19, 2024
@waldoj Stinkers are inevitable but it's been a great show opener
Show threadJessamynApr 19, 2024
@waldoj It's a really good bot.
Show threadWaldo JaquithApr 19, 2024
@jessamyn I'm not used to making bots with broad appeal! “150 enthusiastic followers" is more my thing. Just to balance things out, my next one is going to be really dumb, hilarious to no more than 150 people.
Show threadDeb ChachraApr 20, 2024
@jessamyn @waldoj If it makes you feel better, I’m the weirdo follower who knows exactly what this and was probably publishing in the same or closely allied journals at the time: https://botsin.space/@thisemailfindsyou/112295447171916868
I Hope This Email Finds You (@[email protected])

I hope this email finds you well and in this issue, our lead feature describes the exciting results of the first clinical trials conducted using a new drug called Fosamax for osteoporosis.

botsin.space
Show threadwaferbabyApr 22, 2024
@waldoj This is awesome. 🙏
Show threadWilliam HamiltonApr 19, 2024
@waldoj I teach people *never* to start their correspondence with “I hope this [LETTER/E-MAIL/SMOKE SIGNAL/WHATEVER] finds you [WELL/IN GOOD HEALTH/IN FINE FETTLE/WHATEVER]” because that phrase is a lazy and insipid way of signalling that by the time the recipients finish reading that correspondence, they will most certainly *not* be [WELL/IN GOOD HEALTH/IN FINE FETTLE/WHATEVER], and will most likely regret ever opening that correspondence. #BusinessCommunications101
Show threadOpenDNA⚙️Apr 19, 2024
@Beltliner403 @waldoj ...and then some mad genius comes along to both prove you wrong and automate it. 😆
Show threadIrinaApr 19, 2024
@Beltliner403 @waldoj Someone who I know is not a spammer sent me such an email and I should really answer it but with that phrase they made it very unattractive to do so.
Show threadgunstickApr 19, 2024
@irina @Beltliner403 @waldoj
Hi, dear sender of email seeking bots.
It did not find me, so I had to go look for it and drag it out below the file folder because it was afraid to cross the data highway.
Yours scincerly
Show threadJari Komppa 🇫🇮Apr 19, 2024
@Beltliner403 @waldoj
I think it's only applicable if you're unsure whether the person you're writing to still wants to talk to you at all, and you're carefully testing waters there.
Show threadMichael GemarApr 19, 2024
@waldoj @GhostOnTheHalfShell That’s an insta-follow — thanks!
Show threadJon (now at neuromatch.social)Apr 19, 2024
@waldoj i saw some of its posts in my feed, very well done!
Show threadEl GordoApr 19, 2024
@waldoj Now that's a high quality bot.
Show threadrichconnergmnApr 19, 2024
@waldoj i hope this email loses you
Show threadyour auntifa liza 🇵🇷 🦛 🦦Apr 19, 2024
@waldoj this is amazing
Show threadScott Williams 🐧Apr 19, 2024
@waldoj I'm reading these with Liam Neeson's voice.
Show threadPeter AmthorApr 19, 2024
@vwbusguy @waldoj For me it was Werner Herzog. So authentic!
Show threadPaty MogioApr 19, 2024
@waldoj how do you make a bot? It's really good fun!
Show threadbotwiki.orgApr 19, 2024
@Paty_mogio @waldoj Check out https://botwiki.org/resources/fediverse-bots/ for some ideas!
Resources for Fediverse bots | Botwiki

Tutorials, libraries, frameworks, and other resources for making bots for GNU Social networks, like Mastodon.

Show threadPaty MogioApr 29, 2024

@botwiki @waldoj

This is gold! Thank you!

Show threadbotwiki.orgApr 29, 2024
@Paty_mogio @waldoj No problem, enjoy!
Show threadTim RichardsApr 19, 2024
@waldoj @kate @thisemailfindsyou Fun idea, though I don't think I've ever read an email that seriously starts that way. Must be an American thing.
Show threadErgative AbsolutiveApr 20, 2024
@timrichards @waldoj @kate @thisemailfindsyou I get it from ALL my students and professional services staff at my UK-based university.
Show threadTim RichardsApr 20, 2024
@ergative @waldoj @kate @thisemailfindsyou Ah, not an Aussie thing then.
Show threadKate BowlesApr 20, 2024
@ergative @timrichards @waldoj @thisemailfindsyou This discovery finds me startled.
Show threadAubrey De Los DestinosApr 19, 2024
@waldoj @noodlejetski 👏
Show threadSimeon NedkovApr 19, 2024
@waldoj @josh This is why we can have nice things!
Show thread~Tilde #GartenzaunApr 19, 2024
@waldoj We should start to reply to these emails with "I got the email, but it didn't like me".
Show threadDahieApr 19, 2024
@waldoj fantastic! 🤣
Show threadSumukha SApr 19, 2024
@waldoj This is hilarious. Good one!
Show threadPreslav RachevApr 19, 2024
@waldoj This is brilliant! As a tiny feature request from my side, how about referring to the sourced book in a thread reply? After reading those, I got curious to check out the books. Not saying you should, but it’s a way to possibly even earn a few bucks for the hosting and all, via book referrals.
Show threadratiogeraetApr 19, 2024
@waldoj I think your bot has already peaked. "I hope this email finds you no matter where you are hiding." It can't get any better than that and I shall totally steal it in case I ever need it.
Show threadWaldo JaquithApr 19, 2024
@ratiogeraet I thought the same thing when I saw that!
Show threadCurrywurstApr 19, 2024
@waldoj
I'm going to start using
"I hope this email finds you no matter where you're hiding."
Show threadJesper Kamstrup LinnetApr 19, 2024
@waldoj @thisemailfindsyou A guaranteed smile twice a day 😀
Show threadVincent 🌻🇪🇺 en 🌹☘️Apr 19, 2024

@waldoj Sounds like a fun bot, but by this example potentially also very depressing…

A tentative follow :-)

Show threadAndromeda YeltonApr 19, 2024
@waldoj your bot is doing its best to create a hostile workplace environment with that last one 🤣 but is honestly charming.
Show threadMFennVT has movedApr 19, 2024
@waldoj And now I'm picturing a work email I have to write this morning. :D
Show threadwhereismcgeeApr 19, 2024
@waldoj @lisamelton @thisemailfindsyou
Show threadOutfrostApr 19, 2024
@waldoj thank you this is legendary
https://botsin.space/@thisemailfindsyou/112298380614532978
I Hope This Email Finds You (@[email protected])

I hope this email finds you wherever you go, and lands right in the center of your brain.

botsin.space
Show threadJohnApr 19, 2024
@waldoj That's the only bot I've subscribed to. You should write a book where each chapter starts with a quote from the bot, then proceeds with commentary about whatever it makes you think about. Also do a limited run podcast to go with the book.
Show threadChris is.Apr 19, 2024
@waldoj perhaps a silly question but... Do you have the source for this bot online anywhere?
Show threadWaldo JaquithApr 19, 2024
@offby1 Not yet—it’s my only bot without code on GitHub yet, though it’s only been ~14 hours since I made it. :) I hope to have time to publish it tonight.
Show threadWaldo JaquithApr 20, 2024
@offby1 https://github.com/waldoj/finds-you
GitHub - waldoj/finds-you: A Mastodon bot that finishes this sentence: "I hope this email finds you—"

A Mastodon bot that finishes this sentence: "I hope this email finds you—" - waldoj/finds-you

GitHub
Show threadIrving ReidApr 19, 2024
@waldoj @thisemailfindsyou From the archives: https://mastodon.social/@mhoye/110908069355351323
Show threadSean BootsApr 19, 2024
@waldoj Waldo this is amazing
Show threadWaldo JaquithApr 19, 2024
@sboots I'm a little amazed that people like it so much!
Show threadStefan BohacekApr 19, 2024
@waldoj @sboots It's very clever!
Show threadamdApr 19, 2024
@waldoj this bot is delightful.
Show threadollibabaApr 20, 2024
@waldoj "In Soviet Russia, Waldos email finds YOU."
Show threadIrinaApr 20, 2024
@waldoj Ooh! Following now!