Waldo JaquithApr 19, 2024
I made a new Mastodon bot, called "I Hope This Email Finds You.” Twice a day it proposes a novel way to conclude that sentence that opens so many emails. (It uses phrases from Google Books that include the phrase “finds you.”) I've been having fun reading these, so I turned it into a bot because you, too, might have fun reading them. https://botsin.space/@thisemailfindsyou/112295528875440987
I Hope This Email Finds You (@[email protected])

I hope this email finds you under a balcony and kisses you in the shadows until there's nothing left of you but sparkling fairy dust, and in your weakened state, you ask if she wants to hang out next weekend, and her face clouds and she goes, “Ohhh."

botsin.space
Show threadWilliam Hamilton
@waldoj I teach people *never* to start their correspondence with “I hope this [LETTER/E-MAIL/SMOKE SIGNAL/WHATEVER] finds you [WELL/IN GOOD HEALTH/IN FINE FETTLE/WHATEVER]” because that phrase is a lazy and insipid way of signalling that by the time the recipients finish reading that correspondence, they will most certainly *not* be [WELL/IN GOOD HEALTH/IN FINE FETTLE/WHATEVER], and will most likely regret ever opening that correspondence. #BusinessCommunications101
Apr 19, 2024 at 3:28amWeb
Show threadOpenDNA⚙️Apr 19, 2024
@Beltliner403 @waldoj ...and then some mad genius comes along to both prove you wrong and automate it. 😆
Show threadIrinaApr 19, 2024
@Beltliner403 @waldoj Someone who I know is not a spammer sent me such an email and I should really answer it but with that phrase they made it very unattractive to do so.
Show threadgunstickApr 19, 2024
@irina @Beltliner403 @waldoj
Hi, dear sender of email seeking bots.
It did not find me, so I had to go look for it and drag it out below the file folder because it was afraid to cross the data highway.
Yours scincerly
Show threadJari Komppa 🇫🇮Apr 19, 2024
@Beltliner403 @waldoj
I think it's only applicable if you're unsure whether the person you're writing to still wants to talk to you at all, and you're carefully testing waters there.