Mastodawn

Waldo Jaquith Apr 19, 2024

I made a new Mastodon bot, called "I Hope This Email Finds You.” Twice a day it proposes a novel way to conclude that sentence that opens so many emails. (It uses phrases from Google Books that include the phrase “finds you.”) I've been having fun reading these, so I turned it into a bot because you, too, might have fun reading them. https://botsin.space/@thisemailfindsyou/112295528875440987

I Hope This Email Finds You (@[email protected])

I hope this email finds you under a balcony and kisses you in the shadows until there's nothing left of you but sparkling fairy dust, and in your weakened state, you ask if she wants to hang out next weekend, and her face clouds and she goes, “Ohhh."

botsin.space

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William Hamilton Apr 19, 2024

@waldoj I teach people *never* to start their correspondence with “I hope this [LETTER/E-MAIL/SMOKE SIGNAL/WHATEVER] finds you [WELL/IN GOOD HEALTH/IN FINE FETTLE/WHATEVER]” because that phrase is a lazy and insipid way of signalling that by the time the recipients finish reading that correspondence, they will most certainly *not* be [WELL/IN GOOD HEALTH/IN FINE FETTLE/WHATEVER], and will most likely regret ever opening that correspondence. #BusinessCommunications101

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Jari Komppa 🇫🇮

@Beltliner403 @waldoj
I think it's only applicable if you're unsure whether the person you're writing to still wants to talk to you at all, and you're carefully testing waters there.