Dan Fixes Coin-OpsI'm getting on a plane to go and visit my family in England tomorrow, which is nice :)
But I had to go clothes shopping, boooooo
Some people buy clothes for fun. I buy clothes when I look at myself and go "Gah shite, me bloody clothes have all worn out ffs" and tbh buying more clothes is seldom, like, an exciting or interesting affair
redMy idea: CLOTHES SHOP FOR DADS
You roll up at the facility, drive over to the JEANS hut. Dinnerlady-type in her wee hole says "What size luv," you go "thirrehfourthirrehtwoluv" while making a mental note to go easy on the pies so you can get back to 32/32, she goes "Right you are luv, tenner alright?" and chucks you a bin bag full of dead blokes' jeans that aren't too far gone and you give her a tenner and you're done, move on. T-shirts next.
T-shirts are more complicated, your jeans were the simple one to ease you into it. Pull round to a bloke eating a pasty. He asks "Size," you go "Medium or large depending y'know," he nods, "You wanting colour, drab, black or mixup?" you think about it a moment and go aye, go on then, "Mix it up mate, colours and drab," he goes "Plain or wi' shite on, plain's two quid extra," you're sure as hell not gonna advertise some bugger else's T-shirt business on your body, so you give him twelve quid and he hands you Bin Bag 2.
There's a pub on-premises that'll do you some chips or a pasty and you can watch the JCB sorting out the clothes while you drink your pint and furtle through your bags to see what you've bought.
It'd be brilliant. Buying clothes would have nae stress at all, plus if you ended up wearing shite and looking a bit of a muppet you could just go "Aye well it were in the bag weren't it" and everybody'd nod and go aye, fair do's
Well that resonated with the Dads of the Fediverse
The fedimums meanwhile seem to be torn between "If my feller goes there I swear I'll kill him" and "There'd bloody well better be one for mums and all"
Said to my spouse just now, "Made a post last night that did NUMBERS on Fedi," she's like
🤨 "Yes, I saw it on the toilet just now."
🦔 "That's a good place to see it."
🤨 "That's the Only place to see it."
So this got boost-reminded into my notifications again
Internet 💻 Hey Dan, check out this thing you wrote four months ago, it did big numbers
🦝 what oh no oh god what garbage did I vomit into the stream this time
💻 it's the one about buying your clothes in binbags from the JCB hole
🦝 oh that one, phew haha yeah I still fully support and stand by those words, that's the one Big Numbers post I'm not ashamed of
(also apparently I settled on 🦝 very recently indeed, which in retrospect seems surprising)
Me, reading almost anything I posted more than 18 months ago: 🦝 oh god cringe hiss no delete delete delete
Me, whenever someone faves the dead-bloke's-jeans post from mid-2023: 🦝 may I always be as wise as I was in my clear-eyed youth
Had to go buy shoes for a wedding so now introducing Clothes Shops For Dads II: Shoe Shops For Dads
The mission statement is "Who the fuck looks at your shoes anyway"
Oops, sole's started clapping, now combined with the tish of my keys it sounds like the band's starting up every time I go out for a pastie, guess it's time for a visit to "My Arse is Up Here," the shoe shop for people who know that you could wear orange carrier bags with dicks drawn on them and hardly anyone would notice
Pete Prodoehl 🍕@ifixcoinops My partner definitely looks at everyone's shoes...
oisin@ifixcoinops That was a good post all the same.
unlofl [Promoted Toot]@ifixcoinops I remember the dick mousetraps, the dick mousetraps was a good thread!
@unlofl Hell I just added to that like yesterday, that'll be evergreen as long as techbros keep sticking their dicks in mousetraps
@ifixcoinops Lol, I was getting some notifications from that for my contribution, the sphincter-tightening hotdog gif: https://mstdn.social/@unlofl/112849366469659337
unlofl [Promoted Toot] (@[email protected])
Attached: 1 image · Content warning: vulgar genital-injury metaphors and bad tech
Geoff Mackenzie@ifixcoinops had to boost it again, just saw it for the first time. That's a masterpiece. Also I would 100% shop there
Sini Tuulia@ifixcoinops This is the first time I saw it.
Favourite bit: "Aye well it were in the bag weren't it" 😆
Favourite bit: "Aye well it were in the bag weren't it" 😆
big ole spiderbox@ifixcoinops I think a lot of people enjoyed reveling in the dream where jeans don't cost $60.
@humulus christ where the hell are you buying your jeans
@ifixcoinops Bog standard department stores.
Unless I feel like wasting a whole day then I can go to discount bin stores and find maybe one pair per store in my size for $30.
Unless I feel like wasting a whole day then I can go to discount bin stores and find maybe one pair per store in my size for $30.
@humulus Gabe's, mate. Six bucks brand new and there's nowt wrong with 'em. ;)
Piers Cawley@ifixcoinops mostly I’m tryna place yer accent.
@pdcawley It's a wandering accent from having family all over the North and living in America for ten year so it's come unmoored and gone on a stroll
@ifixcoinops Sounds about right. Morphs depending on which family members you're talking to?
bit101@ifixcoinops My wife is constantly buying me different clothes - mostly shirts and tshirts, occasionally socks and shorts. Never buys me pants though. I'm not sure why not, but that's always up to me. It's a decent enough arrangement.
Lulu Powerful@bit101 @ifixcoinops I do this too! I don't think I've ever bought him pants. 😯
But thanks to me, he has t-shirts like this...
Programmer 832-529 🍅@ifixcoinops seems like my kind of clothes shopping.
McChessers@ifixcoinops Holy fuck that's amazing. Sign me right up!
The Doctor@ifixcoinops I'd rather pop down to Pants 'n'at.
!Bob@ifixcoinops if I hadn't already subscribed to your newsletter, I'd have done it for this post.
I want this store in my life.
Michael Gurski@ifixcoinops this is strangely close to how I buy clothes, just with Costco and Woot.
wgoodf-@ifixcoinops So easy, so obvious!
Final Round Player 😷🇪🇺🍸@ifixcoinops Aye, but shoes. What are you supposed to do for shoes?
Your choices are
- Every day. Pre-owned, pre-faded, Black, Converse Allstar lows in 9 or 10. Still with some sole left.
- Formal. Nike SB in Black-White
- Winter. Reebok Classics in black
- Heavy. De Walt, camel, work boots
3 for the price of 2. Or an Amazon subscription. One pair of each on 1-Jan.
Virginicus@jbond @ifixcoinops Bostonian used to do that. Every year they sent me a new pair of shoes just like the old ones.
vandenberglegs@jbond @ifixcoinops I just wear my Vans til they wear out, then buy whatever Vans are on special in my size. Currently wearing cream suede with dalmation stripes.
ResunaEvery day:
Before WFH, when I went inna the office every day: Reebok Classics in black, which I got for $50 when I saw them on sale.
Still wear them sometimes.
After WFH: Isotoner loafers, which I get for $20 when I see them on sale.
Dr Rosemary Hannah@ifixcoinops Yes. I’d be DELIGHTED to buy my everyday work on the smallholding clothes there.
Dogbot2000I want to drive the clothes sorter digger so much omg. Dream Dad job.
stfn 
@ifixcoinops I want it SO MUCH
Hamish The PolarBear@ifixcoinops "watch the JCB sorting out the clothes" is genius 🤣
@ifixcoinops how about expanding that to a whole shopping centre (with guaranteed ample parking). There would be an on site tip to get rid of unwanted crap from your garage, a burger van and then more charity shops than the entirety of Yorkshire.
Or ditch the carpark, make it a long drive-through with the tip at the start.
Same disclaimer as with the t-shirt binbag shop - "yeah I know the mower's got a broken blade, but I found a grinder too, Look how much money we saved"
DDR@james @ifixcoinops You gotta put the tip at the start, frees up space in the car for the rest of the stuff.
CodieneC@james @ifixcoinops We actually have a free shop that is open for a couple hours twice a week. You have stuff you no longer want you take it there. Cleaning out granny's place, take it there.
Even if you have nothing to donate, you are still more than welcome to come and take what you want.
Because of that shop, we eat off gold rimmed China at the cottage.
One person's junk is another's treasure.
Even if you have nothing to donate, you are still more than welcome to come and take what you want.
Because of that shop, we eat off gold rimmed China at the cottage.
One person's junk is another's treasure.
Ric@ifixcoinops I read this whole thing, wondering where you were from. Starts off Yorkshire, twists into Cornish, but has a sudden Scottish reference... I'm lost!
@dev_ric From Cheshire with family in Manchester and in-laws from Yorkshire and moved to America and over the years me accent's just come unmoored and wandered all over the place
@ifixcoinops ah, slap bang in the middle then. I grew up in West Yorkshire, moved to Toronto for a few years, and now live in East Yorkshire... so my accent is a bit all over the place now too!
njwatt@dev_ric @ifixcoinops I have the American version of this problem where I grew up in Texas with parents from New Hampshire and now I live in the part of Pennsylvania where pierogies are sold everywhere
CyclesBecauseSummerIsComing😀@ifixcoinops I am♀️ and I would love to be able to buy my jeans this way!
Tops not so much ( 3D aspect usually goes awry, so checking fit before buying is a must)
tim@ifixcoinops this has significant similarities with my clothes shopping process.
If I have 5 minutes spare and I see an op-shop (aka thrift shop, charity shop etc depending on local dialect), I pop in and grab whatever long-sleeved checked button-down shirts they have in kind-of-medium-large. Hard to go wrong as long as it has a phone pocket and isn't made of the stuff that creases when you look at it funny.
Pants are harder because I have a fat arse. But they last forever and you only need a few pairs. Longer visit to the op shop required for them.
That's pretty much what I wear every day. If my checked shirt is tucked in, I'm dressed up. If it's out, I'm off the clock.
When my shirt rack gets a bit full, I take an armful back to the oppy. It's basically a rental service.
There have been times when I've got home with a new checked shirt and realised it's one that I used to own and took back last visit.
If I have 5 minutes spare and I see an op-shop (aka thrift shop, charity shop etc depending on local dialect), I pop in and grab whatever long-sleeved checked button-down shirts they have in kind-of-medium-large. Hard to go wrong as long as it has a phone pocket and isn't made of the stuff that creases when you look at it funny.
Pants are harder because I have a fat arse. But they last forever and you only need a few pairs. Longer visit to the op shop required for them.
That's pretty much what I wear every day. If my checked shirt is tucked in, I'm dressed up. If it's out, I'm off the clock.
When my shirt rack gets a bit full, I take an armful back to the oppy. It's basically a rental service.
There have been times when I've got home with a new checked shirt and realised it's one that I used to own and took back last visit.
Justin Farrimond
Mark Burton@ifixcoinops Ah, Christ, I love it. I want one near me.
Wonkish
Fashion Coward - SNL
Jon Knight@ifixcoinops Would you have to be a Dad, or could us single, childless blokes take advantage of this service too?
@greenjimll @ifixcoinops depends how long you want to stay single and childless.
Yes, you may take that in at least two very different ways.
Yes, you may take that in at least two very different ways.
Rugged Bot Romeo
Fiona Craig@ifixcoinops Please can we have the ladies version next door? Mumbling your body measurements at a drive through resulting in a bag of clothes that fit those measurements would be bliss. I hate shops, I hate shopping, shopping for clothes is the worst. None of the shops use the same sizing, so nothing ever fits. If I find something that does, I buy it in every colour, even the ones that don't suit me, and when that stash runs out, I pretty much have a breakdown.
Edit: for typo
Stacky@FionaCraig @ifixcoinops your comment makes me feel less alone in the world
John Robinson@ifixcoinops Funniest thing I’ve read today
Axel Foley@ifixcoinops I'm not a dad but, I'd shop there 👍
RowinSpeez@ifixcoinops Jesus, you nailed my dad’s style. And the definition of the word slovenly.
@RowinSpeez Just gonna nip down t' sloven luv, back in a bit