Dan Fixes Coin-OpsI'm getting on a plane to go and visit my family in England tomorrow, which is nice :)
But I had to go clothes shopping, boooooo
Some people buy clothes for fun. I buy clothes when I look at myself and go "Gah shite, me bloody clothes have all worn out ffs" and tbh buying more clothes is seldom, like, an exciting or interesting affair
My idea: CLOTHES SHOP FOR DADS
You roll up at the facility, drive over to the JEANS hut. Dinnerlady-type in her wee hole says "What size luv," you go "thirrehfourthirrehtwoluv" while making a mental note to go easy on the pies so you can get back to 32/32, she goes "Right you are luv, tenner alright?" and chucks you a bin bag full of dead blokes' jeans that aren't too far gone and you give her a tenner and you're done, move on. T-shirts next.
T-shirts are more complicated, your jeans were the simple one to ease you into it. Pull round to a bloke eating a pasty. He asks "Size," you go "Medium or large depending y'know," he nods, "You wanting colour, drab, black or mixup?" you think about it a moment and go aye, go on then, "Mix it up mate, colours and drab," he goes "Plain or wi' shite on, plain's two quid extra," you're sure as hell not gonna advertise some bugger else's T-shirt business on your body, so you give him twelve quid and he hands you Bin Bag 2.
There's a pub on-premises that'll do you some chips or a pasty and you can watch the JCB sorting out the clothes while you drink your pint and furtle through your bags to see what you've bought.
It'd be brilliant. Buying clothes would have nae stress at all, plus if you ended up wearing shite and looking a bit of a muppet you could just go "Aye well it were in the bag weren't it" and everybody'd nod and go aye, fair do's
Well that resonated with the Dads of the Fediverse
The fedimums meanwhile seem to be torn between "If my feller goes there I swear I'll kill him" and "There'd bloody well better be one for mums and all"
Said to my spouse just now, "Made a post last night that did NUMBERS on Fedi," she's like
🤨 "Yes, I saw it on the toilet just now."
🦔 "That's a good place to see it."
🤨 "That's the Only place to see it."
So this got boost-reminded into my notifications again
Internet 💻 Hey Dan, check out this thing you wrote four months ago, it did big numbers
🦝 what oh no oh god what garbage did I vomit into the stream this time
💻 it's the one about buying your clothes in binbags from the JCB hole
🦝 oh that one, phew haha yeah I still fully support and stand by those words, that's the one Big Numbers post I'm not ashamed of
(also apparently I settled on 🦝 very recently indeed, which in retrospect seems surprising)
Me, reading almost anything I posted more than 18 months ago: 🦝 oh god cringe hiss no delete delete delete
Me, whenever someone faves the dead-bloke's-jeans post from mid-2023: 🦝 may I always be as wise as I was in my clear-eyed youth
Had to go buy shoes for a wedding so now introducing Clothes Shops For Dads II: Shoe Shops For Dads
The mission statement is "Who the fuck looks at your shoes anyway"
Oops, sole's started clapping, now combined with the tish of my keys it sounds like the band's starting up every time I go out for a pastie, guess it's time for a visit to "My Arse is Up Here," the shoe shop for people who know that you could wear orange carrier bags with dicks drawn on them and hardly anyone would notice
Talia Vayas@ifixcoinops is there a way to test that hypothesis? 😁
Pete Prodoehl 🍕@ifixcoinops My partner definitely looks at everyone's shoes...
Robin (going slightly mad)@ifixcoinops you'd be surprised how much people look at your shoes
Unsure if Forrest Gump caused this or merely observed it
Mark Dominus@ifixcoinops We all learned that from The Shawshank Redemption.
Eli the Bearded"Sneakers" (1992) is earlier
People look regularly. To me the trick is finding boring comfortable shoes that won't wear out quickly. Monochrome black vaguely dress, vaguely sneaker.
And then when I do find them, why does the company stop making them next time I want a pair?
Shoe Shopping for Dads could maybe help there.
eswillwalker@ifixcoinops I remember reading an article about a family whose toddler was kidnapped at Disneyland. They were advised by house security to wait til day’s end and then watch the shoes of all the sleeping toddlers being pushed out the gate in strollers. Kidnappers change the clothes, add hats, and drug the kids, but usually don’t bother to change the shoes. The family got their kid back and the kidnappers were caught and convicted.
Dan Cassidy 🦌@ifixcoinops In the early 2000s Deichmann used to organise their shoes by size and I thought, finally, someone gets it, but of course around 2005 they stopped doing that and now they're as useless as every other shop.
Virginicus@ifixcoinops Bostonian used to have a deal where you buy a pair of shoes in the store, and then every two years they send you another pair just like them. That was ideal.
groff 🇺🇦@ifixcoinops Two types of people look at your shoes in public: the police and/or people who are thinking of mugging you.
oisin@ifixcoinops That was a good post all the same.
unlofl [Promoted Toot]@ifixcoinops I remember the dick mousetraps, the dick mousetraps was a good thread!
@unlofl Hell I just added to that like yesterday, that'll be evergreen as long as techbros keep sticking their dicks in mousetraps
@ifixcoinops Lol, I was getting some notifications from that for my contribution, the sphincter-tightening hotdog gif: https://mstdn.social/@unlofl/112849366469659337
unlofl [Promoted Toot] (@[email protected])
Attached: 1 image · Content warning: vulgar genital-injury metaphors and bad tech
Geoff Mackenzie@ifixcoinops had to boost it again, just saw it for the first time. That's a masterpiece. Also I would 100% shop there
Sini Tuulia@ifixcoinops This is the first time I saw it.
Favourite bit: "Aye well it were in the bag weren't it" 😆
Favourite bit: "Aye well it were in the bag weren't it" 😆