🚩Millicent Ⓥ neo-Dukeist 🏴
benteh#dealingWithStrangers lesson 1:
If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, “did you bring the money?”
#dealingWithStrangers lesson 2
Receiving a call from an unknown number, answer whispering “it’s done. But there’s blood everywhere…”
#dealingWithStrangers lesson 3:
If someone knocks on your door, knock back from the inside.
They’ll go away.
Trust me on this.
#dealingWithStrangers lesson 4:
If you want to make a car dealer uncomfortable just say “tell me if you can hear this”. Then crawl into the trunk and start screaming.
#dealingWithStrangers lesson 5:
Next time a stranger talks to you, look startled, and say “you can SEE me?!”
#dealingWithStrangers lesson 6:
Telling someone to “have a nice day” sounds friendly.
Telling someone to “enjoy your next 24 hours” – not so much.
#dealingWithStrangers lesson 7:
I send flowers “from Steve” to my neighbours’ wife every Friday night, then watch them fight from my living room window while eating popcorn
#dealingWithStrangers lesson 8:
If you answer your phone with “aaaaaand you’re ON THE AIR!” Most marketeers will hang up
#dealingWithStrangers lesson 9:
Every once in a while, go outside and run the vacuum cleaner over the driveway. Just to ensure the neighbours will never talk to you.
#dealingWithStrangers lesson 10:
I have always wanted to walk up to a stranger, hand him a briefcase and whisper “you know what to do”, and walk away
#dealingWithStrangers lesson 11:
When I’m bored late at night, I text random numbers saying “you should really clean under your bed, it’s filthy down here. P.S. I love you”
Tim J
Shine F.
Zach Perlman@benteh Similarly, I enjoy sending vague letters of conscience to politicians and department heads. The note says, "When the time comes, I'm counting on you to do the right thing."
Brian Hawthorne@zachperlman @benteh Sign it: “In Solidarity, M.”
@bhawthorne Love it!
llewelly@benteh I've tried telling my neighbors this is genuinely the best solution for driveway leaves, but they won't listen.
Marc@benteh I had a neighbour who did this. I swear!. He was very serious about his driveway.
Jaap Wieringa ✅@benteh or let them think they called a murder seen and are talking to the lead investigator, like Tom Babe did
https://youtu.be/cIVfrBFc5og
Cracks me up every time.
https://youtu.be/cIVfrBFc5og
Cracks me up every time.
Telemarketer Crime Scene Prank - Tom Mabe
Bogdan
Sheila Arnold@benteh love this person. Must follow. Thanks for boosting, David.
Nina Schuyler@benteh the power of language and the endless proliferation of meaning
patronics@benteh hmm, what about "enjoy next Thursday" with no context whatsoever?
DDimetrodon@benteh Flashbacks to that time a contestant on American Idol, after failing his audition, told the judges to "Take care and be careful" on his way out. They proceeded to call for security and the show milked the 'scary' moment for all its worth.
They eventually apologized.
Evert Te Winkel@benteh why do you have to ruin this for me! ;-)
Geof Hughes 🖤@benteh Everyone seems to miss out the second part of the 'Have a Nice Day'. It's 'Somewhere else, with Someone else'.
f00f/eris/continuum/etc@benteh when you're transgender and it isn't trans day of visibility
Ryan@benteh I love this one. Now waiting for the next knocker (??) to drop by.
Cathybug
Swearygrandma@benteh ohbthat made me roar with laughter so loudly I frightened poor Molly dog
ApproachingSteed@approachingsteed i'd go for a gentle, soft knock with just a little too much pause between them
Patricklee@benteh That would be so creepy, lol
teledyn 𓂀
Sue@benteh
That would make an intriguing opening sentence
That would make an intriguing opening sentence
Yvonne4err@benteh I'm so gonna try that 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Chris [list of emoji]"Not here. They're watching."
@suetanvil class act! 🤣
TJ Smith@benteh I may or may not have actually done that. Also, I may or may not have repeated, "The yellow dog always howls at the harvest moon." One person responded, "The orange cat rode the coyote to the ball." Maybe.
Mark Harris@nzlemming I may or may not have married him 35 years ago.
@TJSmith @nzlemming you won.
@TJSmith i bow to the master!
Stacey Cornelius@benteh Writing that down.
@benteh If anyone ever sits down next to me and asks “did you bring the money?” I am absolutely going to answer “Did you bring the merchandise?”
@bhawthorne or
"yes. the twins got out and The Tall One ate his lunch"
Hans Gerwitz@benteh this thread is delightfully Steven Wright
Cavyherd
Andrew BakerA: Yes I have
@neonnurse, this thread seems like your kinda style....
John Caveney woke is me🛠️
Brandon Rohrer@benteh Brilliant. I love this preventative approach too.
https://www.reddit.com/r/lifehacks/comments/m8vk84/dont_want_anyone_to_sit_by_you_on_a_bus/
https://www.reddit.com/r/lifehacks/comments/m8vk84/dont_want_anyone_to_sit_by_you_on_a_bus/
RC Hopgood@benteh I'm making a list and doing ALL of these. And planning on this one too after someone offs me. https://youtu.be/JEXIEneoA20
Man pranks mourners at his own funeral as his coffin is being buried
Jim Jones@benteh bookmarked.