benteh#dealingWithStrangers lesson 1:
If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, “did you bring the money?”
#dealingWithStrangers lesson 2
Receiving a call from an unknown number, answer whispering “it’s done. But there’s blood everywhere…”
#dealingWithStrangers lesson 3:
If someone knocks on your door, knock back from the inside.
They’ll go away.
Trust me on this.
#dealingWithStrangers lesson 4:
If you want to make a car dealer uncomfortable just say “tell me if you can hear this”. Then crawl into the trunk and start screaming.
#dealingWithStrangers lesson 5:
Next time a stranger talks to you, look startled, and say “you can SEE me?!”
#dealingWithStrangers lesson 6:
Telling someone to “have a nice day” sounds friendly.
Telling someone to “enjoy your next 24 hours” – not so much.
#dealingWithStrangers lesson 7:
I send flowers “from Steve” to my neighbours’ wife every Friday night, then watch them fight from my living room window while eating popcorn
#dealingWithStrangers lesson 8:
If you answer your phone with “aaaaaand you’re ON THE AIR!” Most marketeers will hang up
#dealingWithStrangers lesson 9:
Every once in a while, go outside and run the vacuum cleaner over the driveway. Just to ensure the neighbours will never talk to you.
#dealingWithStrangers lesson 10:
I have always wanted to walk up to a stranger, hand him a briefcase and whisper “you know what to do”, and walk away
#dealingWithStrangers lesson 11:
When I’m bored late at night, I text random numbers saying “you should really clean under your bed, it’s filthy down here. P.S. I love you”
Tim J
Shine F.
Zach Perlman@benteh Similarly, I enjoy sending vague letters of conscience to politicians and department heads. The note says, "When the time comes, I'm counting on you to do the right thing."
Brian Hawthorne@zachperlman @benteh Sign it: “In Solidarity, M.”
@bhawthorne Love it!
llewelly@benteh I've tried telling my neighbors this is genuinely the best solution for driveway leaves, but they won't listen.
Marc@benteh I had a neighbour who did this. I swear!. He was very serious about his driveway.
Jaap Wieringa ✅@benteh or let them think they called a murder seen and are talking to the lead investigator, like Tom Babe did
https://youtu.be/cIVfrBFc5og
Cracks me up every time.
https://youtu.be/cIVfrBFc5og
Cracks me up every time.
Telemarketer Crime Scene Prank - Tom Mabe
Bogdan
Sheila Arnold@benteh love this person. Must follow. Thanks for boosting, David.
Nina Schuyler@benteh the power of language and the endless proliferation of meaning
patronics@benteh hmm, what about "enjoy next Thursday" with no context whatsoever?
DDimetrodon@benteh Flashbacks to that time a contestant on American Idol, after failing his audition, told the judges to "Take care and be careful" on his way out. They proceeded to call for security and the show milked the 'scary' moment for all its worth.
They eventually apologized.
Evert Te Winkel@benteh why do you have to ruin this for me! ;-)
Geof Hughes 🖤@benteh Everyone seems to miss out the second part of the 'Have a Nice Day'. It's 'Somewhere else, with Someone else'.
f00f/eris/continuum/etc@benteh when you're transgender and it isn't trans day of visibility