Dimestore Diamond 
Over the last couple of weeks, I've thought a lot about my gender. This was triggered by my therapist asking whether I've accepted my fluidity. A side note: I'm so happy they are my therapist! ๐
Anyway, there's been this part I haven't been able to pinpoint. I used the term ambigue in one of my recent toots. Last week, I had a small revelation when I understood it must be the root of the fluidity. Kind of core working beneath the whole complex. A couple more days and it hit me. Fucking autigender. I've known that me being autistic is intertwined with being non-binary. Yet, I've thought they can still be separated. Turns out I was wrong.
Over these three years since my egg cracked, I've noticed that small things can affect my gender, for instance, music, temperature, my energy levels. What I read at fedi. Even the people I'm around. It's complex and these things may also interact with each other. Thinking in terms of autigender it made so much more sense. Lapses in executive function can affect my gender.
I started crying the second I arrived at the autigender thought. I then had band rehearsals. I realized I felt connection with my band mates, cis guys. It took me to demiboy. An example of people affecting my gender. And it felt so good. I felt 100% safe there.
Yesterday, we had a session with my therapist about my most recent gender thoughts. More tears, mixed feelings, but ultimately it was super relieving. In the evening, I had an anger moment with myself. The anger wasn't directed at me. It was cursing my fucking autism and after that the neurotypical society. I wouldn't change it for me but still, there are feelings I haven't dealt with yet. But I'm making progress. And it feels good to be me. ๐
Kaja 
Yohan Yukiya Sese Cuneta ์ฌ์ํ๐ผ
Yohan Yukiya Sese Cuneta ์ฌ์ํ๐ฆฃ
Yohan Yukiya Sese Cuneta ์ฌ์ํ ่ฌ้ช็ข
Jason Beets
