Gartenralf
sonder#jouRapNal #book18 day 46
20260128
Mx. Luna Corbden 🐸Did you know they just let you add anything you want to canned soup?
I just had a hearty tomato stew by adding fresh mushrooms, tomatoes, frozen chicken, and frozen chipotle potatoes to a half can Progreso tomato basil soup, topped with crispy onions from a can, all made in the microwave.
I did have to spice up the flavorless base soup, but with some salt, garlic powder, cilantro, and bay it tasted pretty good.
Ed. for context:
For many AutDHD, those with poor executive function, or other disabilities, especially those of us who are bad at or hate cooking, the false dichotomy is between hard-to-prepare healthy food with high risk of failure and food waste vs something easy that will probably taste like crap and leave me feeling weaker and hungry if that's all I make for days.
Canned soup + healthier ingredients breaks that dichotomy with a secret third way.
On the role of shame in autistic burnout.
https://www.dralicenicholls.com/the-role-of-shame-in-autistic-burnout/
🧵
#ActuallyAutistic #AutDHD #burnout
#Recovery2025 #MECFS #ChronicIllness
The Role of Shame in Autistic Burnout - Dr Alice Nicholls
During my years of working with hundreds of late-realised, high-masking Autistic Adults in Autistic Burnout I’ve noticed shame as a common theme in the factors contributing to, and maintaining their Autistic Burnout. In this article I will outline: What shame is Sources of shame for Autistic people How shame can contribute to the causes of […]
On the upside, I'm not facing severe pain and brain fog today while trying to work. So my efforts to heal are working.
Now I just have NORMAL problems, like being ADHD.
There's a paradox in being an ADHD writer. There are certain tasks in writing which involve letting your mind wander... like revising the thematic elements in an opening chapter.
The problem with this is when your mind wanders a bit too far afield.
These are problems that I used to have before I got incredibly sick.
So I'm trying to take that as a win, but it means clocking out a lot and burning my still-limited energy on not getting paid.
On the upside for you... more shiteposts!!
Also what it's like to pace with MECFS or other fatigue disorder.
I have to just do the one thing in front of me today, then work really hard to not stress about the very extremely important timely tasks that are building up, which would be easy to knock out if I weren't so broken. 😅
#ChronicIllness #MECFS #AutDHD https://jorts.horse/@mel/115193805211838927
Alright, I managed to work another hour, and finished a chapter that had taken way too long. Not my 2.5-hour-per-day work goal, but much much better than last week.
Caffeine helped. I'd forgotten that I'd switched to green tea this week as part of the whole energy recovery thing, and that I'm used to working with black tea or sometimes coffee. I had a leftover latte from town a few days ago that I'd avoided drinking for the above reasons, and that got me right focused.
The video cautions against stimulants when recovering from burnout, because it masks how much energy you're using. But that doesn't mean I can't do it, just that I need to be sure to watch myself as it wears off, that I don't over-spend. I don't have any big plans for the rest of the day, so that should be easy so long as I keep myself under control.
#Recovery2025 #DarkSojourn
#MECFS #ActuallyAutistic #autism #burnout #ChronicIllness #AutDHD
I had a good workday yesterday for the first time in weeks. Was able to focus and be clear about what needed to be done, and do it with confidence.
Today I've got some energy, but having trouble maintaining it in any focused sense. This is where, I think, I often bleed off energy and end up back at zero. I'm finding myself wandering around cleaning up email, revisiting Mastodon settings, back on social media. These *will* all be good and doable things eventually, but I'm still in a fragile zone. I worked *more* yesterday, but didn't work as long as my goal is, and I run out of energy very quickly still. (I'm learning that laying down for 10 minutes can restore me really well! But I hate doing it.)
Basically, I'm losing the marvelous levels of self-restraint I had for the first near-week of this reset. That takes energy, too: willpower. I clocked in for 7 minutes, actually got a lot done in those minutes, then clocked out because I got bored and started meandering, and now I'm here.
So, it's progress, but I'm scared of losing it. Fear of failing at work is one thing keeping me from diving in to work. Work is normally restorative for me, unless I'm full of self-doubt and mental fatigue symptoms, something I've had for way too long now, and having more of that after all this work to get better will emotionally devastate me.
Anyway, back to it.
#Recovery2025 #DarkSojourn
#MECFS #ActuallyAutistic #autism #burnout #ChronicIllness #AutDHD
When I left my abuser (ten years ago!) most of these slower activities were impossible. Part of it was the usual tech craze dopamine cycles we were all caught up in. But part of it was the extreme anxiety-attack levels of anxiety I had *constantly*. These obsessive "always on" habits formed out of that.
At the time, if I was still for 5 seconds, I'd churn. I couldn't lay on my back at all because my belly felt exposed and I churned. I couldn't meditate or nap or even just watch a movie without churning. I needed constant stimulation or I couldn't stand it. It was simply pain avoidance that turned into compulsive patterns. Social media was part of that. I was aware of all of this, but helpless to do anything else.
The anxiety has been more under control for a few years, but even then, it wasn't really, because politics and living with my mom. At least then, the anxiety was associated with real things, whereas when I formed these habits, it was ghost anxiety, and really intense all the time.
So this is really the first chance I've had a stable enough situation to really start setting healthier rules for myself.
You know, that and hitting rock bottom.
#Recovery2025 #DarkSojourn
#MECFS #ActuallyAutistic #autism #burnout #ChronicIllness #AutDHD
I focused hard on the Great Reset over the weekend. Total habit change.
Rules:
1. Only allowed to do one thing at once. (No idle games while watching YouTube.)
2. Longer-form and more analog activities:
- Less Doomscrolling
- Less posting (don't post every thought!)
- Less YouTube, more TV shows and movies
3. Stop thinking!
I did that on Friday and Sunday with Super Rest Days. Did some reading (from real books, actually finished a book!), watched some shows, did some ZenTangle (it's a doodling technique), meditation, naps, walks, other things.
The first day was super hard. But by last night, I was like, hey you've done enough, you can binge YouTube while playing idle games if you want, and guess what? *I didn't want*.
Saturday, I went to the farmers market and to the grocery store because I had to. It was a little too much, but I'm just glad I was finally able to go to the market.
I've noticed that today, yes, I'm tired, but it's not pain-tired. It's normal sleepy tired, a kind of tired I'm not used to feeling the past ten years. The kind of tired that, when I say "I'm tired," and the other person says, "Oh me too, I could sure use a nap," that's the kind of tired THEY feel, while I was feeling a deeply painful kind of tired that's beyond their comprehension.
But as I go through the day, I'm starting to feel the edges of that deeper tired again. So I'm going to try to bill one hour, but stop there. I need to be billing 2.5 hours a day! But getting permanently better is more important for now.
I'm learning what not to do, but still trying to figure out what activities give me energy when I'm so deep in debt I can't do the really fun stuff (like thinking, or hiking, or partying).
I've noticed that when in doubt, laying down, with or without a nap or meditation (I usually can't really nap), works well.
#Recovery2025 #MECFS #ActuallyAutistic #autism #burnout #ChronicIllness #AutDHD