#Autistic Spoken Word: Every Clock Is a Handgun

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SkfDacyzB8E

This spoken word on my autistic experience of time contains triggering topics. If you are sensitive to frank discussion of abuse, I created a sensory-friendly audio summary: https://notebooklm.google.com/notebook/30720fb4-dab4-48b9-873f-90ec1ac03b88/audio

#ActuallyAutistic #ADHD #ADHDlife #Autism #Neurodivergent #Neurodiversity #AuDHD #AutisticArtist #AutisticTime

@actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd @actuallyaudhd

#Autistic Spoken Word: Every Clock Is a Handgun

This spoken word on my autistic experience of time contains triggering topics. If you are sensitive to frank discussion of abuse, I created a sensory-friendly audio summary: https://notebooklm.google.com/notebook/30720fb4-dab4-48b9-873f-90ec1ac03b88/audio

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SkfDacyzB8E

#ActuallyAutistic #ADHD #ADHDlife #Autism #Neurodivergent #Neurodiversity #AuDHD #AutisticArtist #AutisticTime

@actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd @actuallyaudhd

Hey! Back after 7 months of the "shys." Missed y'all!

Perfect chance to talk Autistic Time:

Every clock is a handgun pointed at my head
Every tick, tick… fucking tick
Tolling Fear, Doom… dread
Click. Slide. Cock… click.

👉
#ActuallyAutistic

Time doesn't flow smoothly for me. It's more like waves and troughs.

If I'm interested in what you're saying, what I'm reading… hours fly by. In fact, if I'm really into my passion… painting, cooking, whatev… time has no meaning.

#AutisticTime #ADHD #AuDHD

I'm outside of time. In a place indistinguishable from… Joy.

Boredom?

A slow, annoying hands-and-knees crawl
across wooden schoolroom floor boards…
taking secret, furtive over-the-shoulder glances
at a second hand stubbornly sweeping.

So, depression, anxiety… DEADLINES? They grind out, second by agonizing second, in my gut.

My very definition of… Dread.

Now, shoehorn my autistic experience into your punchclock world.

I'm #autistic. Pretty sure #ADHD, too.

How does this affect daily life?
Listen or read here:

#AskingAutistics

In my 70s, every ticking second is a countdown to some duty, obligation, deadline... death…

No. That's a lie.

Reality? Hours of numbness... obsessively flicking through screens... frightened to look away and notice the time of day... the season.

Leading to days of dull semi-awareness... punctuated by trips to the bathroom. Between delivered pizzas.

And moments of terror when despite my best dim-witted efforts, I see 9:27 out of the corner of my eye.

#Neurodiversity

And the sun screams, 'Hey, it's morning. You gotta get going. You got stuff to do.'

Or maybe it's 3:19 am. So the moon shames me with, 'Well, there goes another day you didn't meet expectations.'

Every timepiece I can remember was like a prison guard's gun...

...The real power enforcing order.

The calendar that told the doctor that 2 weeks late is too long... so he forced my delivery with forceps.

Or the school bell that announced precisely when I must be silent... or pee.

#MentalHealth #Psychology #neurotwitter

The alarms shrieking at the factory door. Time clocks measuring the distance to starvation. Calendars counting days til the next vacation, back to school, parental promotion... and move to a new town.

Podcast: Every Clock is a Handgun in My Autistic Time
THEY measure my time by widgets per hour. ME? Joy per minute...

👉 https://johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com/p/podcast-every-clock-is-a-handgun-2ee

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