Mastodawn

nobletrout 6d ago

Jonathan Schofield

UK Prime Ministerial tenures since Milk-Snatcher Thatcher, approximated as lettuces

Keir Starmer
🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬
🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬

Rishi Sunak
🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬
🥬🥬🥬

Liz Truss
🥬

Boris Johnson
🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬
🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬
🥬🥬🥬

Theresa May
🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬
🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬
🥬🥬🥬

David Cameron
🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬
🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬
🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬
🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬
🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬

Gordon Brown
🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬
🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬
🥬

Tony Blair
🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬
🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬
🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬
🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬
🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬
🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬
🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬
🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬

John Major
🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬
🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬
🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬
🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬
🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬

Jonathan Schofield 6d ago

…I apologise for the lettuce shouting that the above post inflicts upon users of screen readers.

Here is a less shouty version with just the number of lettuces for each PM. 1 lettuce represents roughly 7 weeks of tenure.

Keir Starmer: 15
Rishi Sunak: 13
Liz Truss: 1
Boris Johnson: 23
Theresa May: 23
David Cameron: 46
Gordon Brown: 21
Tony Blair: 76
John Major: 48

9 Prime Ministers, 266 lettuces and almost 36 years later the UK is still on course for an Iceberg 🤪

https://mastodon.social/@urlyman/116747658730469820

Jonathan Schofield 6d ago

…The lesson that I would like us to take away from this is that instead of repeatedly eating rotten greens, we should elect some fresh Greens 💚

[out of limp metaphors, runs for cover]

Jonathan Schofield 6d ago

…Returns to remind you of the fine googly-eyed lettuce-work from Led By Donkeys https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cdrlx5yxr60o

Liz Truss leaves stage in Beccles as 'lettuce' banner unfurls

The former prime minister brings a speech to an abrupt end when the banner - which also reads "I crashed the economy" - appears.

BBC News

Jonathan Schofield 6d ago

…And in the wise words of Rihanna:

Now that it’s rainin’ more than ever
Know that we’ll still have each other
When the lettuce has salmonella
When the lettuce has salmonella

Ay, ay, ay
Ay, ay, ay

@urlyman think Ms Truss has been unduly demonised as plenty of evidence to show it was already crashing, and a cynical person may suggest a lot of the rhetoric came from Mr Sunak's camp because he was not happy at loosing. Not saying she did right or was blameless because that's incorrect but trying to trigger growth, the economy and provide tax cuts for those most needing it was a very good thing. The current lot of GDP chasers, and the Tories before them, have done the polar opposite and generated nothing from it.

Jonathan Schofield 6d ago

@EF we’ll agree to differ. If I could I’d probably have someone like James Meadway reply

North Shropshire Lad 6d ago

@urlyman @EF he should know that the day before the budget in question was published the Bank of England announced that they were about to start quantitative tightening…..

Jonathan Schofield 6d ago

@happypete pretty sure James acknowledges the BoE fkery. But also that he would tear the Tufton Street crowd a new one while integrating climate strategising

@urlyman not waving a Liz Truss flag by any means but a lot of what they announced was beneficial to me and a breath of fresh air (apart from the unfunded part although magically this government can fund £32B for a magic carbon capture folly).

The problem I have is more of the same is not good for the people of this country. Endless cuts and more direct and stealth taxing. Excuses to fund private companies. Chasing endless growth rather than focusing on the wellbeing of the populous and the betterment of the world, their raison d'être.

millennial fulcrum 6d ago

@urlyman you sir, are brilliant 🤌

Jonathan Schofield 6d ago

@falcennial 😊🙏

artemist 6d ago

@urlyman Larry the cat: 114

Jonathan Schofield 6d ago

@artemist I thank you for this stat. I am feline it

Florian 'floe' Echtler 6d ago

@urlyman Come on , you can't leave out Maggie Thatcher, weighing in at (I believe) a whopping 86 lettuces?

Jonathan Schofield 6d ago

@floe thing is, she was a malign force in my life and the post at the top is *exactly* 500 characters. Everyone since has been Thatcherite anyway 🤷‍♂️

Simon Zerafa 6d ago

cc @GossiTheDog

Lettuce Pray we get a competent PM, one day 🙂

Jonathan Schofield 6d ago

@simonzerafa we must hold onto hope for salad days

@urlyman what an appropriate to represent the immense amount of waste generated by generations of neoliberal politicians.

Jonathan Schofield 6d ago

@alx thanks. It does leaf us rather bereft

Estarriol, Terrorist Dragon 6d ago

we should cut out the middle person and just elect the lettuce....

Estarriol, Terrorist Dragon 6d ago

In fact Larry and Lettuce in coalition.

@Thebratdragon @urlyman and a mouse (it’d make crossing the floor an interesting exercise)

Florian 'floe' Echtler 6d ago

@at @Thebratdragon @urlyman A cat, a mouse, and a lettuce walk into Downing Street No. 10...

Jonathan Schofield 6d ago

@Thebratdragon the heart of the matter

Bravo!

A lesser man would have delegated that task to an AI.

Jonathan Schofield 6d ago

@ReggieHere 🫡

Ben M0SWV 🏳️‍🌈 🇪🇺 🇮🇪 🇵🇸6d ago

@urlyman post Brexit lettuce count is telling.
Almost as though not addressing the problem is a problem

Jonathan Schofield 6d ago

@TheSwiv a lot of bacon and tomato, not enough leafiness

Ken Milmore 6d ago

@urlyman As a yardstick for political impermanence, the lettuce seems well suited - for prime ministers. But I fear we will need a smaller unit to measure the tenure of Reform councillors. I cannot offhand think of a vegetable that perishes rapidly enough. 🤔

Jonathan Schofield 6d ago

@kbm0 caviar goes off in 48 hours once opened

Ken Milmore 6d ago

@urlyman Also like a Reform councillor, it is already unappealing even when it's fresh. (Subjective)

Zuri (he/him) ❌️👑 | 🕐 CET 6d ago

@urlyman @kbm0 Caviar sounds appropriate 😂 👍🏻

MarjorieR 6d ago

@kbm0 @urlyman 2 of the 4 navel oranges I got from Lidl on Friday?
I suspect, like Reform Councillors they were already off before they were sold to the public.

Jonathan Schofield 6d ago

@marjolica @kbm0

A navel seems a strange place to find an orange

MarjorieR 6d ago

@urlyman @kbm0 it's actually the other way round: "The navel orange is a variety of orange with a characteristic second fruit at the apex, which protrudes slightly like a human navel".

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Navel_orange

Navel orange - Wikipedia

Jonathan Schofield 6d ago

@marjolica fluff free?

Benny from the Block 6d ago

@kbm0 @urlyman Milk seems to have the appropriate longevity. 🥛☀️

Jonathan Schofield 6d ago

@feijoa
👍 and joins the dots back to Milk-Snatcher Thatcher

Ken Milmore 6d ago

@urlyman @feijoa Yeah it needs to be in a 1/3 pint bottle with a Sweetheart straw, like we used to get at school prior to Maggie. You'd better call the Daily Mirror and let them know.

Jonathan Schofield 6d ago

@kbm0 contacting the Unicode Consortium in advance

Benny from the Block 6d ago

@kbm0 @urlyman Proper English milk. 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿

Jonathan Schofield 6d ago

@feijoa for local people, we’ll have none of your woke plant milk here!

Jonathan Schofield 6d ago

@feijoa just realised Benny, you’re probably way ahead of me on this 😬
https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/milk-white-supremacy-racism_n_5bffad35e4b0864f4f6a3e28

The Troubling Link Between Milk And Racism

White supremacists claim they’re just trolling liberals with their milk love, but scholars say there’s history behind this.

HuffPost UK

Ken Milmore 6d ago

@urlyman @feijoa Ah bollocks. Some racist always has to spoil it.

Benny from the Block 6d ago

@kbm0 @urlyman From the archives... The political power of dairy.

Jonathan Schofield 6d ago

@feijoa putting the hurt into yoghurt

Benny from the Block 6d ago

@urlyman @kbm0 👏 👏 👏

@feijoa @Lazarou @kbm0 @urlyman He looks better in vanilla

Jonathan Schofield 6d ago

@Wen 🤭
@feijoa @Lazarou @kbm0

Benny from the Block 6d ago

@urlyman @kbm0 I was not aware, but spoilt milk fits even better than I had imagined. It works on so many levels.

Robert Belton 6d ago

@kbm0 @urlyman
beansprouts?

Zuri (he/him) ❌️👑 | 🕐 CET 6d ago

@shiawase @kbm0 @urlyman Does that mean, you would measure EU politician's tenures in brussel sprouts?

Jonathan Schofield 6d ago

@shaedrich @shiawase @kbm0 brassicacious idea 😊

Sam Thing Else 6d ago

@kbm0 @urlyman you have the 'mooch' (approx 11 days for Scaramucci) I think there's five mooches to the lettuce?

Marge吴静玫 6d ago

@urlyman @kotaro Ohhh I forgot about Liz Truss!

Jonathan Schofield 6d ago

@WuMargaret easily done, and advisable. Sorry to unfurl painful memories

Marge吴静玫 6d ago

@urlyman @kotaro It’s all good. I am American. Painful political memories/day-to-day is the air I breathe. ;-)

Zuri (he/him) ❌️👑 | 🕐 CET 6d ago

@WuMargaret @kotaro @urlyman And that particular nightmare already lasts many a lettuce

Marge吴静玫 6d ago

@shaedrich @kotaro @urlyman Sooooo many heads of lettuce

Zuri (he/him) ❌️👑 | 🕐 CET 6d ago

@WuMargaret @kotaro @urlyman They could probably fill out a whole … reflecting pool 🤔