Neil BrownI am looking for reading recommendations, for a *partner* of someone who is going through the perimenopause / menopause.
Any recommendations for stuff from your own personal experience, please?
Hayo@neil the doctors tend to be really unskilled and will point to other causes and that it's all just 'in your head' … Hormonal shenanigans are no joke, totally real, and very hard to get good help with. Good luck.
'Pa 
@kineticdiplomacy @neil for real. Mrs wife complains she's been gaslit by ObGyns for decades, men and women alike...
Claus Cramon Houmann@neil don’t uncritically accept everything the docs say. If we had, different current situation for wifey
Sundial@neil I went down my own personal rabbit hole of research when I realised what it actually was that was happening to me. I'm afraid I've no recommendations for books though. My research was online.
I have written a couple of blogs on my experience with the hope of raising awareness.
It's really sad that it's so rarely talked about and there's very little research on it, considering it happens to ... well around half the population.
> I have written a couple of blogs on my experience with the hope of raising awareness.
Ooh, I will go looking later. Thank you!
@neil I'll save you the trouble:
Blog 1: I thought I was losing my mind, turns out it was "only" perimenopause.
https://goingdownwithsundial.com/perimenopause/
Blog 2: my journey with HRT to date.
https://goingdownwithsundial.com/perimenopause-hrt/
I hope it's helpful.
@GoingDownWithSundial Thank you, immensely.
Carsten Franke@GoingDownWithSundial
Thank you! Very helpful insight. My SO is going through this, we were broadly aware. She also quit her job a few years ago to work on her PhD, and in addition is juggling 3 part time teacher and professor jobs ... All a bit much.
@carstenfranke pleasure. She's one incredible person to be juggling all of that and studying, while navigating the perimenopausal path! I'm in awe :)
Really glad if it was insightful, even though you both had an idea of what was happening.
It's so important to raise awareness.
Best of luck! :)
Yer Feff@neil
Err I don't have anything myself but I can check out the staff networks on Wednesday to see if anyone there has recommended texts for partners
Err I don't have anything myself but I can check out the staff networks on Wednesday to see if anyone there has recommended texts for partners
@feff Thank you!
Och Menno
Stephen Paulger@neil Davina McCall did a documentary about menopause, I think covers a lot of the challenges in a way that anyone not going through them can understand them.
Davina did write a book too which sounds good and well evidenced but I’ve not read it.
Vesna Manojlović@neil here’s a collection of #hacking #menopause stuff that I made into a workshop , & then the follow-up with a collective contributions : https://wiki.techinc.nl/User:Becha/Hacking-Menopause
Plus #intersection with #neurodiversity & #burnout
Best (somewhat related) books : Rest is Resistance, Tricia Herst & “How to Keep House While Drowning” & “The Change” Kirsten Miller
@neil oh, I warmly recommend “Small Achievable Goals” series for a funny (& triggering / recognizable) watching experience :)
Renata 🇨🇦🐈
RevK 
@neil I was (in jest) going to suggest a book on fine whiskeys, but I think that would probably not go down well and would ignore the real issues.
Joy_intl
Number 9@neil My wife’s favorite book on the topic is The Menopause Manifesto by Dr. Jen Gunter. I will admit that I didn’t read it all the way through, but it definitely helped both of us understand what was going on.
Brandon Rohrer
voipmeister
Coding Gardener@neil You are a good human for doing this.
Panni Skultety@neil Unbreakable: A woman's guide to aging with power by Vonda Wright. Anyone at Girls Gone Strong.
@skulesz Thank you!
@neil If you complain about anything, it’s likely your complaints will be dismissed and your doctors will say “yeah menopause is like this”
“So what are my options?”
“Yeah you have to eat healthy, avoid stress and exercise”
“You’re my doctor and know I do all of those things”
“So you’re doing it right”
Then you go and have to try to find a new doctor.
Luke Kanies@neil @vaurora I can’t recommend any books, but what really helped me when my wife went through it was a half-size folded blanket at the foot of my bed for when I got cold. My wife was always hot, so we had to dramatically scale down bedding thickness.
With the extra blanket, I could tune my own warmth without overheating her.
I folded it in a z shape and could just pull it up any time.
It’s still at the foot of my bed but used much less often.
@neil Menopause Manifesto by Dr Jen Gunter is excellent
Franceska MannMenopause is like going through puberty in reverse. The mood swings are difficult and HRT's help with that. The hot flashes subside after a few years but won't completely go away. When the hormones stop, vaginal atrophy happens. This makes sex painful. With a sensitive lover, this won't matter. With a selfish lover, good luck.
My recommendation is to take HRT's and use an estrogen cream downtown.
Quinn Rhodes (he/him)@neil My most recent article is about menopause, and while the focus is on trans experiences of menopause I’ve also heard from cis women who learned new things about menopause/their bodies from it! (Apologies for the self-promotion, but it’s a piece I’m really proud of and I learned so much about hormones’ role in our bodies while working on it.) https://www.gaytimes.com/if-im-on-testosterone-am-i-also-menopausal-2/
Stephen Borrill@neil Quite a lot of good coverage on What's Up Docs as well as episodes on menstrual health and endometriosis, e.g. https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m002d0cs
Laura James@neil I was recommended Perimenopause Power by Maisie Hill, and have passed my copy to my partner (told him to skip the biology bits but read the bits on the great variety of things that could happen)
@Laura Thank you :)
Alexis Bushnell@neil YMMV but this is a video on perimenopause and its impact on kink relationships, although I think it's applicable to vanilla relationships too (but also I don't have vanilla relationships so I could well be wrong!).
BDSM and the menopause and perimenopause
@alexisbushnell Thanks!
Marianne@neil perhaps this pod? Two cis men chatting about it (medical field!)
It's like reading but for your ears
https://bodyofevidence.ca/112-menopause
It's like reading but for your ears
https://bodyofevidence.ca/112-menopause
The Body of Evidence: 122 - Menopausal Hormone Therapy is back. Why?
Hormone Replacement Therapy is now called Menopausal Hormone Therapy. And despite being almost universally abandoned two decades ago, it's making a comeback. Dr. Chris Labos and guest co-host Pedro Mendes explain why, while also giving a primer on menopause itself Become a supporter of our show today either on Patreon or through PayPal! Thank you! Email us your questions at . Assistant researcher: Aigul Zaripova, MD Editor: Robyn Flynn Theme music: “Fall of the Ocean Queen“ by Joseph Hackl Rod of Asclepius designed by Kamil J. Przybos Chris’ book, Does Coffee Cause Cancer?: https://ecwpress.com/products/does-coffee-cause- cancer Obviously, I’m not your doctor (probably). This podcast is not medical advice for you; it is what we call information. References: Geographic variability of menopausal symptoms 1) Nappi RE et al. Global cross-sectional survey of women with vasomotor symptoms associated with menopause: prevalence and quality of life burden. Menopause. 2021 May 24;28(8):875-882. doi: 10.1097/GME.0000000000001793. 2) Nappi RE, et al. Prevalence and quality-of-life burden of vasomotor symptoms associated with menopause: A European cross-sectional survey. Maturitas. 2023 Jan;167:66-74. doi: 10.1016/j.maturitas.2022.09.006. What’s the normal duration of symptoms 3) Avis NE, et al. Study of Women's Health Across the Nation. Duration of menopausal vasomotor symptoms over the menopause transition. JAMA Intern Med. 2015 Apr;175(4):531-9. doi: 10.1001/jamainternmed.2014.8063. The Women’s Health Initiative (WHI) studies Rossouw JE et al. Risks and benefits of estrogen plus progestin in healthy postmenopausal women: principal results From the Women's Health Initiative randomized controlled trial. JAMA. 2002 Jul 17;288(3):321-33. doi: 10.1001/jama.288.3.321. Anderson GL et al. Effects of conjugated equine estrogen in postmenopausal women with hysterectomy: the Women's Health Initiative randomized controlled trial. JAMA. 2004 Apr 14;291(14):1701-12. doi: 10.1001/jama.291.14.1701. Decline in HRT after WHI studies Sprague BL, Trentham-Dietz A, Cronin KA. A sustained decline in postmenopausal hormone use: results from the National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey, 1999-2010. Obstet Gynecol. 2012 Sep;120(3):595-603. doi: 10.1097/AOG.0b013e318265df42. Danish Osteoporosis Prevention Study Schierbeck LL metal. Effect of hormone replacement therapy on cardiovascular events in recently postmenopausal women: randomised trial. BMJ. 2012 Oct 9;345:e6409. doi: 10.1136/bmj.e6409. Kronos Early Estrogen Prevention Study (KEEPS) Harman SM, et al. Arterial imaging outcomes and cardiovascular risk factors in recently menopausal women: a randomized trial. Ann Intern Med. 2014 Aug 19;161(4):249-60. doi: 10.7326/M14-0353. Kronos Early Estrogen Prevention Study (KEEPS) Hodis HN et al. Vascular Effects of Early versus Late Postmenopausal Treatment with Estradiol. N Engl J Med. 2016 Mar 31;374(13):1221-31. doi: 10.1056/NEJMoa1505241. Stopping hormonal therapy Berman RS et al. Risk factors associated with women's compliance with estrogen replacement therapy. J Womens Health. 1997 Apr;6(2):219-26. doi: 10.1089/jwh.1997.6.219. Grady D, Sawaya GF. Discontinuation of postmenopausal hormone therapy. Am J Med. 2005 Dec 19;118 Suppl 12B:163-5. doi: 10.1016/j.amjmed.2005.09.051. Tapering vs. abrupt stop or hormonal therapy Haimov-Kochman R et al. Gradual discontinuation of hormone therapy does not prevent the reappearance of climacteric symptoms: a randomized prospective study. Menopause. 2006 May-Jun;13(3):370-6. doi: 10.1097/01.gme.0000186663.36211.c0. PMID: 16735933.
Thayer@neil for me, anything by Dr Louise Newsome is worth a watch or read, her YouTube channel is excellent information. Also, if you'd like a chat any time I'm happy to share my journey (5 years in) I often help men understand their partners' journeys as part of my therapy & coaching as it really affects men as well. Sometimes being able to hear and ask is a useful experience.
Mel
Claire Simpson@neil Not read it myself, but the menopause group at work is currently recommending Burning Up, Frozen Out by Joe Warner and Rob Kemp
Tyrone Slothrop@neil Adding on to the other recommendations, in German there’s “Woman on Fire” by Sheila de Liz.
It’s aimed at women, not their partners; but reading it definitely made me less stupid.
@slothrop Excellent; thank you.
Dungeon Crawler BenIf you search my posts for perimenopause and menopause I've talked about it quite a bit from the perspective of a partner of someone going through it, and there have been some incredibly useful responses and reading recs on those threads that helped me. 😊
Sylocule
NilaJones