Mastodawn

neofox_flag_trans

(aka kemona_halftau)

i really wish folks here would be just a little more direct about others' behaviors

maybe im just excessively sensitive about them, but i dont think subposts do anything productive at all

i really do appreciate feedback on my behavior, and i dont want anyone to need to feel nervous giving it

some things arent obvious to everyone, even if they seem obvious to you

i'd really appreciate a dm or something before getting blocked/remove-followed, otherwise i have no idea what i did wrong (although ive tried dming others before blocking them in the past, and it is quite exhausting)

idk

edit: i want to make it very clear that this is not about anyone specifically. if something did happen recently, this post was coincidental.

neofox_flag_trans

(aka kemona_halftau)Mar 25

im very guilty of this myself and i hate it

i just wish it wasnt so exhausting to dm someone before blocking them or remove-following them

at a certain point it just feels rude, and not everyone handles criticism the same way

@kemona_halftau yeah this is what triggers me not wanting to talk to them over this because yeag

genuine generator generating gender Mar 25

@kemona_halftau to me, I dont like it when people say "in going to unfollow you" or smth like that, I rather said person just does it

neofox_flag_trans

(aka kemona_halftau)Mar 25

@gen yep. a lot of folks are the same way

neofox_flag_trans

(aka kemona_halftau)Mar 26

okay fuck cat mode, now is not the time to replace "everyone" with "everynyan"

if i fork the sharkey frontend im excluding posts with cws from being affected by it

Maddy 🏳️‍⚧️ - ADHD-powered

neofox_googly_woozy

@kemona_halftau I concur

ablobfoxbongohyper

@kemona_halftau everyone on Fedi needs to see this

Ollie Branch Mar 25

@kemona_halftau I usually subpost as a way of giving critique without name-dropping and potentially sending harassment someone's way. I don't usually block or unfollow the targets of my subposts in the rare case I make a subpost.

The difference between subposting and dm'ing someone with critique is when I subpost I'm wanting to have other commentary to look at (even if my subposts never receive them), and the subject matter isn't something private or too personal in nature that would make subposting a bad move.

Maybe I'm just too paranoid of inciting mob behavior when wanting to add my own comments on someone's ideas or actions in a public capacity.

Of course for interpersonal drama this doesn't apply but I don't see a lot of interpersonal drama this side of the fediverse.

Sym (public node)

@kemona_halftau I've been on both sides of this, and while I too would appreciate someone just directly telling me how I fucked up, the last few folks I quietly unfollowed were a case of "I don't actually owe you an explanation for my boundaries."

But subposts and softblocks are passive aggressive as fuck and nightmare fuel for anyone with RSD, and I would love to see it more generally agreed to just not do it.

Li ~ Crystal System Mar 25

@kemona_halftau to me, subposts are a way to express how you felt about something someone said, without the fallout of either
without getting thrown into the fire with everyone piling on at once, because we live in a society;

and .. without it turning into some stupid argument, that makes both of us feel miserable and we get nowhere because if im being honest that is the response 99% of the time when i try explain or call out things tbh ...

i dont often block anyone over them, though i suppose that has happened a few times,

Misofist Mar 25

@kemona_halftau

I make subposts semi-often, so I want to explain myself a bit here.

First of all, I hate passive-aggressive vagueposting where you know / hope that the person it's about sees it. I think this is really nasty and I've seen a lot of friends be hurt by it. So that's never my intention.

1/?

Misofist Mar 25

@kemona_halftau

I subpost sometimes when something gets boosted to my feed. I don't follower the poster, and they don't follow me.

I might not feel like I have the relationship with that user to criticise them. Or I might just feel that nitpicking an aspect of their post isn't a good first way to interact with someone.

I try to keep these subposts fairly broad so that they're applicable to people who might read them, even if a specific post inspired my post.

2/?

Misofist Mar 25

@kemona_halftau

I sometimes also subpost about people who aren't even on Fedi. Although in this case I'm likely to CW it "vaguepost" rather than "subpost".

And for what it's worth, I do try to resolve things with people before blocking them UNLESS it's obvious they are acting in bad faith.

3/3

@kemona_halftau

I feel most often subposting, quote subposting, and alike, is just because someone knows in advance they don't have energy to talk/argue with the person they are subposting.

I once saw a very important info being only in quote, and after asking quoter why not a reply, they said they are too tired, so I ended up fact checking and replying that info myself.

@kemona_halftau in my case, most of the times i remove a follow is not because the person has done anything bad, but because my home timeline is too crowded and i felt like cleaning up a bit

i dont know if many more people do that, but i do. If i ever unfollow you without there being an obvious explanation, dont think too deep about it, since the reason was likely that (cleaning up my home timeline) and not that you did anything wrong

neofox_flag_trans

(aka kemona_halftau)Mar 26

@Sorro by remove-follow i dont mean unfollow, i mean manually removing a user from your followers (equivalent of them unfollowing you)

Webber-e-bop Mar 26

@kemona_halftau Kinda guilty myself, someone was just constantly doing nothing but complaining for months, so I unfollowed.

I made a public post not really directed at anyone talking about it, tho I'm really sure they didn't see it.

Stadler BLÅHAJ Evo

@ Revision26 Mar 27

@kemona_halftau imho subposts aren't meant to solve anything directly; they're usually just a form of venting and that's okay

treating them as more than that will just make beings who need a place to vent without the involved person really knowing its them feel bad