myrmepropagandistYou must pick one very minor talent:
you can make realistic modem noise with your mouth
you can understand modem noise as text
you can meow and cats understand what you mean
you can understand cats if they make noise
Poll ended at .
Iron Pencil Statue 
@futurebird it was hard picking between the two, but honestly if you had had a "you can degauss yourself and anything" option for clearing my head (I am not a CRT with fingers) I would have picked that
Orange Lantern 
@futurebird I think I can already do two of these. Problem is, cats don't care that much. 
Rob Vincent 🎙️@futurebird I am pretty sure I can already do two or three of these.
I've been thinking of doing a "make the modem connection sound as mouth noise" contest for some time now. I think it could be hilarious and fun.
Prize?
And old modem painted gold.
@futurebird This may need to happen at the next @hopeconf.
oldguycrustyActually - if the current #Fascist #Authoritarian Assaults on speech and the internet continue unabated - we may need to revert to #dialup point-to-point connections with the old #modems that made that sound.
Although I dont think an analog modem would work over a cell network. Hmmm... now I made myself curious...
a worm among doves@oldguycrusty @futurebird @Rob_T_Firefly i thought about this
but the cat network sounds like it'd be more robust
but the cat network sounds like it'd be more robust
Я⊛ḶḶ model ☭i love this journey for you
CM Harrington@futurebird @Rob_T_Firefly Could you imagine the beatbox innovation?!?
the Stripey Goodness@futurebird @Rob_T_Firefly I used to be able to whistle 9600 baud - *and* get the modem on the other end to negotiate
Guillotine Jones, Flâneur@stripey @futurebird @Rob_T_Firefly
Well then, why didn't YOU write "The Art of the Deal," if you're such a good negotiator, Stripey?
I keed, I keed.
Well then, why didn't YOU write "The Art of the Deal," if you're such a good negotiator, Stripey?
I keed, I keed.
AstroHyde@futurebird lol, I am very invested in the cats part of this poll 😆
Hugo Mills@futurebird Cats > modems.
Not sure which way I want to make the understanding go, though. There's no guarantee that either party will actually pay much attention to what the other party's whinging about this time...
Gabriel Pettier@futurebird bird, i'm sorry to report but modems don't make noise anymore.
Obviously i can talk to cats, it'll be easier for them to answer / give information by following instructions even if i don't understand cat language, as long as they understand me.
Yes, they will have to care, but i'm sure we can find an arrangement.
Matthew MillerThey still do. It's just harder to hear.
@mattdm @futurebird well, i guess that would get us in the weeds on the definition of "noise", but since we are already talking superhuman capabilities, it's probably an undecidable difference.
So i won't argue.
quangobaud
Mans R@futurebird I can already understand cats quite well.
Malin@mansr @futurebird who are these weirdos who can't understand cats?
What does she want?
https://sauropods.win/@futurebird/116223721542343105
Sofia ☭🇧🇷☭
Urban Hermit@futurebird @malin @mansr
Attention, specifically tuna or that wet food from a can, and 3 seconds of ear scritches before leaving her alone.
Attention, specifically tuna or that wet food from a can, and 3 seconds of ear scritches before leaving her alone.
Nelson@futurebird The modem choices would have been more competitive in the dialup era. I don't have a modem anymore so being able to understand it (or imitate it) isn't very helpful.
I also don't spend much time with cats, but when I do I think being able to understand them is more useful than being able to tell them stuff. I think cats understand people perfectly well surprisingly often, they just don't care, and I don't think I could make them care by talking to them.
none gender with left politics@futurebird I can mostly understand what my cat is saying to me when he meows already. There's a noticeable difference between the meow he uses for needing his litter box cleaned, the meow he uses when he's hungry, the meow he uses when he just wants attention, and the meow he uses when he's scared of something.
@futurebird unfortunately, it's not very precise. But it's usually good enough for me to know what he wants.
Ken Brucker@futurebird understanding what my cats are saying would not be a minor talent! I can’t how many times one of them has been hollering (middle of the night) and I’ve been answering with “what do you want?!?!?”
@futurebird I don't get what #2 could be used for, and doesn't everybody already have 3 and 4? My cats ignore most of what I say to them, but that's not because of lack of understanding--it's an active choice
bstow@futurebird if I already have two of these, can I still pick another one, or would this be considered greedy?
Dr G
Cassandrich@futurebird I can kinda already do 3 so I had to pick 4. Let's make this bidirectional. 😂
@futurebird Joke's on me tho, I wasted my wish. It turns out all the sounds just mean "FEED ME!!!!""
sanpan@futurebird These choices are legit super-hero stuff, I´m team Green Meowtern.
ShadSterling@futurebird the last two being separate is just cruel. I guess we need to pair up
SigmundFreudsBartender@ShadSterling @futurebird I think it is also impossible.
neatchee@futurebird it was a real struggle picking between 3 & 4 for practical reasons, and 1 for the sheer meme of it
Huey@futurebird Now obviously the cat communications are winning here, but hear me out. I already understand what my cat says (it's almost always "give me food"), and she wouldn't care about much I had to tell her.
But if I could understand modem noise, that's 56kbit/s. It wouldn't be too hard to play back arbitrary text as modem noise, so I'd be able to speed-read at 7000 characters per second. I'd be able to read Ulysses in under 5 minutes. Clear win.
But if I could understand modem noise, that's 56kbit/s. It wouldn't be too hard to play back arbitrary text as modem noise, so I'd be able to speed-read at 7000 characters per second. I'd be able to read Ulysses in under 5 minutes. Clear win.
Thomas Sturm@y6nH @futurebird From personal experience of listening to many ZX Spectrum games loading from tape: The Speccy loader was running at roughly 1200ish baud, and with a trained ear you could actually discern between long groups of 0, structured bitmaps, or large semi-random code blobs.
Not enough to "read" random text by listening to the noise, though. 😅
@tsturm @futurebird
I'm having a fun evening importing executable files into Audacity as raw PCM and listening to the results, reminiscing about loading games from cassette in the 80s.
I'm having a fun evening importing executable files into Audacity as raw PCM and listening to the results, reminiscing about loading games from cassette in the 80s.
@y6nH @futurebird The soundtrack of my youth. 😅
webhat@futurebird I wouldn't call it minor to my cat 😉
Chris JagsI like the idea of understanding the cats but not being able to respond. I can thwart all their plans and they'll think I'm omniscient
Carolyn@ChrisJagged @futurebird Cats can already understand us. :)
felix (grayscale) 🐺@futurebird "cats understand what I tell them" feels OP. I'm gonna tell them about computer programming and lockpicking
Jon@futurebird I really think you're minimizing the skill involved in these truly extraordinary talents.
Although, if I saw someone talking to a cat I would likely just think they're drunk.
Fiona Ebner@futurebird 5. when you make modem noises, cats will understand what you mean
C.S.StrowbridgeFun fact: Cats can understand you. They just don't care.
Gustavo@futurebird I want to understand cats in general 🙃
Autumn Thiesing@futurebird No, I mustn't. 😋
The WookieAnd I will rule the planet with cat army … Muhahaha