Nick
The Decider review is worth reading #Melania #USpol
https://decider.com/2026/01/30/melania-trump-documentary-movie-review/
And everyone in the theatre stood up and applauded and a pregnant woman immediately gave birth and the baby came out applauding and then all the seats in the theatre came to life so they could applaud too and the tips of my fingers grew little hands of their own so they could applaud too and they themselves grew little hands on the tip of each tiny finger and we applauded and applauded and applauded until someone stopped applauding and they were dragged away and shot #Melania #USpol
You gotta pump those numbers down those are rookie numbers.
Reminder that this would literally be 0% but for Evgeny Lebedev’s Standard. #Melania #USpol
Fuck me, the Standard has actually REVISED ITS REVIEW, knocked a star off the original four-star rating, and is corncobbing wildly. Look at this shit. #Melania #USpol
One of those insightful audience reviews from someone who HASN’T BEEN TO THE CINEMA IN A DECADE. #Melania #USpol
Please note that this review is being written by a creative: writer, pianist, singer,
perfectionist, lover of classical music and art. #Melania #USpol
perfectionist, lover of classical music and art. #Melania #USpol
A second positive review has hit the #Melania rottentomatoes rating. It’s by the Epoch Times. What the fuck is the Epoch Times, you ask? Well…
Also, lol, “warmth and compassion”, and they chose that photo.
In case you think this is a purely political division, it‘s worth noting that even a shallow right wing rag with a readership of ancient bigots like the Daily Express gave #Melania a negative review.
I’m non-biased: I don’t have an opinion on fascism and genocide, and I willingly paid money to watch a dull documentary about a fascist’s moll picking an outfit.
Also “Quincy”: “pretty good” is not a five star rating. #Melania #USpol
#Melania now has a “Verified Hot” status based on audience reviews.
It appears you need 500 verified user ratings to get to that status. To post a verified review, you need to book a ticket through the Fandango app (sounds like a swizz, but bear with).
You don’t have to turn up and watch the movie. The average cost of a cinema ticket in the US is $11.
If you wanted to post 500 five star verified reviews, it would cost you $5,500.
I’m not saying they needed to do this. You also could just tell pro-Trump Facebook groups to book in this way and leave a 5-star rating and they’d do it, because they’re a bunch of hateful zombie fascist pricks with broken souls.
This is likely to be especially successful for a film where no-one who is not a zombie fascist prick with a broken soul (or a paid film critic) would ever contemplate spending money to watch such shite.
ʙᴇɴ ᴄᴏᴛᴛᴇяɪʟʟ@Nickiquote Didn’t a load of FB groups do that a few years ago for Sounds of Freedom?
Greg Bell@Nickiquote @simonzerafa remember Battlefield Earth?
Curious@Nickiquote [buys ticket to Rush Hour 3]
David Cohen@Nickiquote Chef’s kiss.
Nick@ratcatcher Who knows,
maybe she contains mountains.
maybe she contains mountains.
Summit like that.
Jae@Nickiquote "Additional cinematography by Gaspar Noé"
Giflian@Nickiquote 2 stars seems rather forgiving
for a day, while . . . 🗽. . . maybe she thinks 'classic art' means 'classy cart' . . .
phraktalzTrolling is a art.
Nix is Ready for Spring@Nickiquote what a lovely example of a chat gpt response.
Marcus Marcius Marcellus@Nickiquote It “opens her inner sanctum”? Is that what the kids are calling it these days?
Stoneface Vimes@marcas @Nickiquote well I for one would rather not see her inner sanctum thank you very much. Some things should remain concealed. I mean, eeeuuw!😉
Per Haps ✅✔✓☑@Nickiquote the sycophants, they yearn for the boots.
Jordi (Tubal Hippy)
3Jane Tessier Ashpool@Nickiquote “refined without artifice” suggests a lack of sophistication in the viewer imo
perfect, sure, but how I keep punching the 'see less' button at the bottom . . .
Crowjane@Nickiquote
The reviewers name is Karen, nuff said.
(Apologies to all the nice Karen’s out there, we know you’re out there and we love you for bucking the trend)
@Nickiquote ‘opens her inner sanctum’ - Ratner is gonna Ratner
Nicovel0 🍉@Nickiquote the “it has been a long time…” line shows they are happy to ignore Michelle Obama, and that is maybe the most revealing sentence in the whole review.
AnneH
KB@Nickiquote
Anyone who uses this as her Xitter avatar tells you exactly how much credibility you should give to her review of a puff piece “documentary” about the wife of a lying, scheming, vengeful, bullying convicted felon, court adjudicated rapist and close friend of paedophile Jeffrey Epstein; said wife having only migrated to the USA from Slovenia to find a rich husband—regardless of age or lack of human qualities—and thereby to get a visa.
Anyone who uses this as her Xitter avatar tells you exactly how much credibility you should give to her review of a puff piece “documentary” about the wife of a lying, scheming, vengeful, bullying convicted felon, court adjudicated rapist and close friend of paedophile Jeffrey Epstein; said wife having only migrated to the USA from Slovenia to find a rich husband—regardless of age or lack of human qualities—and thereby to get a visa.
don@Nickiquote I mean, it helped them overcome their incel agoraphobia.
Eleanor@Nickiquote Not so much a review as a hostage video. Blink twice if you need us to come and get you.
CubeRootOfTrue
Aethelstan@Nickiquote ugh. Just like the daily show skit with Ronnie Chieng.
@Nickiquote Is it the anxiety and shame that’s making the Standard nibble at its paws?
Bytebro 🇬🇧 🇺🇦 🇬🇱Did you see the CraigsList thing where people were being offered $50 to go to that movie, *and not leave their seat for the duration*?! Sheesh! It MUST be worse than even I can imagine...
Innocuous In Innisfil Has MovedBest quote I saw, and I wish I could credit the author but I couldn't find the original post...
"If they showed this film on an airplane, people would still walk out..."
Scary Austin
Brad Rosenheim@Nickiquote Hilarious.
AM💙🏴@Nickiquote
Yeah and heavenly angels sang🤮
Yeah and heavenly angels sang🤮
@Nickiquote The review sounds less like a cinema showing and more like a ‘rally’
Chris@Nickiquote original review ended "can I have my $50 now please?"
@Nickiquote also a technical point - everybody clapping in an audience of 1 person isn't hard to achieve
kat donegan 🇵🇸✊@Nickiquote (*home theatre, seating for one)
Roger Ap Gwillian@Nickiquote And then the Lollipop Guild* welcomed Melanoma to Oz, by threateningly kicking the air and snarling.
The Wizard of Donnie had the Lullaby League kidnapped, shipped across the Land of Oz to a holding facility in the high tower of the former Wicked Witch of The East, now called Mar-a-Lago.
And everybody clapped ... OR ELSE!.
*There's no way I'd want to meet the Lollipop Guild in a dark alley. You'd be history, you'd be history.
