Nick
The Decider review is worth reading #Melania #USpol
https://decider.com/2026/01/30/melania-trump-documentary-movie-review/
And everyone in the theatre stood up and applauded and a pregnant woman immediately gave birth and the baby came out applauding and then all the seats in the theatre came to life so they could applaud too and the tips of my fingers grew little hands of their own so they could applaud too and they themselves grew little hands on the tip of each tiny finger and we applauded and applauded and applauded until someone stopped applauding and they were dragged away and shot #Melania #USpol
You gotta pump those numbers down those are rookie numbers.
Reminder that this would literally be 0% but for Evgeny Lebedev’s Standard. #Melania #USpol
Fuck me, the Standard has actually REVISED ITS REVIEW, knocked a star off the original four-star rating, and is corncobbing wildly. Look at this shit. #Melania #USpol
One of those insightful audience reviews from someone who HASN’T BEEN TO THE CINEMA IN A DECADE. #Melania #USpol
Please note that this review is being written by a creative: writer, pianist, singer,
perfectionist, lover of classical music and art. #Melania #USpol
perfectionist, lover of classical music and art. #Melania #USpol
A second positive review has hit the #Melania rottentomatoes rating. It’s by the Epoch Times. What the fuck is the Epoch Times, you ask? Well…
Also, lol, “warmth and compassion”, and they chose that photo.
In case you think this is a purely political division, it‘s worth noting that even a shallow right wing rag with a readership of ancient bigots like the Daily Express gave #Melania a negative review.
I’m non-biased: I don’t have an opinion on fascism and genocide, and I willingly paid money to watch a dull documentary about a fascist’s moll picking an outfit.
Also “Quincy”: “pretty good” is not a five star rating. #Melania #USpol
#Melania now has a “Verified Hot” status based on audience reviews.
It appears you need 500 verified user ratings to get to that status. To post a verified review, you need to book a ticket through the Fandango app (sounds like a swizz, but bear with).
You don’t have to turn up and watch the movie. The average cost of a cinema ticket in the US is $11.
If you wanted to post 500 five star verified reviews, it would cost you $5,500.
I’m not saying they needed to do this. You also could just tell pro-Trump Facebook groups to book in this way and leave a 5-star rating and they’d do it, because they’re a bunch of hateful zombie fascist pricks with broken souls.
This is likely to be especially successful for a film where no-one who is not a zombie fascist prick with a broken soul (or a paid film critic) would ever contemplate spending money to watch such shite.
That is not how film reviews work. This is the type of person who gives a book a one star review on Amazon because the courier left the parcel in the bushes.
I mean it’s not how feminism works either, but one lesson at a time, eh? #Melania #USpol
This Sean Burns review has some observations about the audience in his screening.
https://northshoremovies.wpcomstaging.com/2026/01/31/review-melania/
For those who are still interested, which I cannot imagine is many of you, the RottenTomatoes score is down to 8% and they are still yet to list a bunch of negative reviews like the Empire one.
In the meantime here’s the New Yorker, GQ and Cinerama. #Melania #USpol
Down to 5%. Still only two “good” reviews, from the far right Falun Gong Epoch Times and the corncobbing Standard. #Melania #USpol
A THIRD good review has come out of the woodwork, this time from Deborah Ross in the far right Spectator. It is at once completely disingenuous, does not read like a film review and is simply wrong: that is not a real quote from Variety, it was a meme.
“isn't there some value in seeing how someone wants to be seen?” Not enough for a positive film review, no.
Otherwise every hideous, worthless, dogshit vanity project, eg Michael Flatley’s Blackbird, would merit rave reviews.
“The critics have of course savaged this steaming pile of dogshit, but I, who have a Large Brain, posit the notion that the steaming pile of dogshit is Good, Actually.
“Is it not An Historical Artifact?
“Well then, the fact that it is unwatchable and an insult to the filmmakers’ craft and merely a lampshade for a bribe is irrelevant. Five stars.” #Melania #USpol
Meanwhile Mark Kermode concludes
his review by saying:
“I’ve seen A Serbian Film, I’ve seen Cannibal Holocaust, I have never felt as depressed in my life in the cinema, I thought it was absolutely repugnant.”
Mark Kermode reviews Melania
ʙᴇɴ ᴄᴏᴛᴛᴇяɪʟʟ@Nickiquote Oh been waiting for this one.
Shelly@Nickiquote I just couldn't face listening to that review, the subject matter is so awful!
Morten@Nickiquote Sometimes you get assigned a task, the direct translation is a "bound assignment", and you have to complete it if you want to keep your job. And I guess a positive review based on "this is good actually because it demonstrates how not to make a documentary and how budget does not correlate with quality" is one way to complete it.
I've noticed that we have yet to get a positive review from the US.
I've noticed that we have yet to get a positive review from the US.
Giflian@Nickiquote I feel like I'm getting a lesson in media literacy. Shame about the topic.
Clueless by Sam@Nickiquote they always seem so convinced that Being Heterodox makes them Galileo, without considering that Galileo was actually Correct
Sadie@Nickiquote
Hee hee "shambolic"
Hee hee "shambolic"
@Nickiquote you know, I don't actually know what she sounds like. Having been disinterested in her or the orange one, I don't think I'm ever going to find out either.
@Nickiquote I'm glad the journalists are having fun at least
@giflian Normally you might feel a pang of conscience about the stars and crew of a shit film when putting the boot in. Here it’s all righteous scorn.
@Nickiquote I feel this is connected to how Hollywood has reduced how many shows and movies it's making, and dropping salaries. Some amount of the crew probably needed the job to eat. The fact a majority of them wanted their credit removed...
Bryan (he/him) 🇺🇸 🏳️🌈I think the word they were looking for is "vapid."
Paper Moon@Nickiquote russian troll factories recruit from all walks of life
cuan_knaggs@Nickiquote from what i've been seeing "projector failed" would push it up to a 1 star
Miaou MacCroquettes@Nickiquote I would vote 0 exactly BECAUSE I'm a feminist. It is indeed not how feminism works... 🤦
@Nickiquote Didn’t a load of FB groups do that a few years ago for Sounds of Freedom?
@BenCotterill Sounds about right.
Greg Bell@Nickiquote @simonzerafa remember Battlefield Earth?