I... am I a fan of Dark Academia? Should I really derive pleasure from Quentin's suffering?
I enjoy noticing his bullshit being pummelled out of him, eventually feeling paternal for someone making the same impulsive self-miseries.

Dark Academia is nerdy Icarus but rich and depressed?
https://nebula.tv/videos/lauracrone-the-harry-potter-for-grownups-industrial-complex/

(Piranesi is still bad and should still feel bad.) I cannot overemphasise my indignant disregard & disgust for Piranesi.
It felt like... idfk, "autism-face"?!

#book #BookTok #lit #literature #read #reading #media #MediaAnalysis #books #analytics #TheMagicians #TheMagicianKing #TheMagiciansLand #LevGrossman #author #story #ComingOfAge #Bildungsroman

One part of having possible dyspraxia is the GOD-FUCKING-DAMN-IT-ness of smashing into shit while I move around anywhere.
Giant bruise on the back of my upper arm? Folding glass door in the shower.
Often wondering whether I broke a toe? Pick any furniture or wall, tbh.

This night's was: ass-diagonal on the dishwasher corner. Dude installing it said it would stick out a little. Since UK houses / non-mansions are FUCKING TINY, [chronically undersupported] disabilities mean we need a fucking dishwasher -- or else life is not worth living.

Prompt for posting this was "barely gasp as silent scream on sitting ON A HAEMMORRHOID CUSHION, and like 3 blankets, on the sofa". I have a rather fat ass, and I'm chubby as well. This is not bare bone to wooden seat or some shit, ffs.

I didn't quite see stars, but any faster and I might have done.

'Clumsy af' might as well be an occupational hazard.

"Hey wait, what do you mean you're in your 30s and your joints hurting has been familiar to you since your teens?"

Were you born yesterday, or did you just have real healthcare and doctors and family who listened in your life?

Rules are NEVER applied equally to everyone. *Should* be, but aren't.

So anyway, case in fucking point: https://lgbtqia.space/@MxVerda/114992200352617302

The various shortages and price hikes for medicines must have dropped since the early pandemic. (Did you know Covid-19 still exists? Get your jabs and masks to protect your organs!)

Still look like Moclobemide is more expensive for [the NHS / DWP / whichever] than my current half-assed Venlafaxine. Tried 2x 225mg ~last week & maybe helps?

Is it fair to request expensive meds to make me 'want' or able to live? My context is I don't otherwise want to and can't.
Further: the DWP is the Sword of Damocles that will pouce on any chance to demand I look for work.
(Especially if I "improve" from negative 10,000 to negative 8,500. It's a scale of negative 100 to positive 100, btw.)

From Table 2 in https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7955799/#Sec3 I got the following numbers.
Columns: Quantity dispensed (Million), Costs in £ (Million).
Sub-columns: January to August for the years 2019 and then 2020.

SSRIs
41.14/939.94‎ = 0.0438
128.87/995.70‎ = 0.1290

Tricyclics
41.46/560.33‎ = 0.074
42.53/575.05‎ = 0.074

MAOIs
3.64/1.71‎ = 2.129
3.89/0.92‎ = 4.228

Others
32.09/324.43‎ = 0.0989
47.23/355.03‎ = 0.1330

I'd have to come off the lisdex, which I'm fine with. Sounds like Moclobemide MIGHT solve some of the ADHD brain-no-worky problems anyway.
And frankly, to quote my partner on a phone call to the shitty private hospital contracted out by the NHS to perform my life-saving gall bladder removal surgery, "I'm afraid that without [this treatment], there isn't going to BE a patient to need it".

https://hellopharmacist.com/drug-interactions/drugs/lisdexamfetamine/lisdexamfetamine-with-moclobemide

Huh. segele-whatever-eline not moclobemide, but looks possible actually. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4805402/

Since it's reversible, Moclobemide is a RIMA, not a MAOI anyway, but who gives a fuck? Medicine isn't allowed to research properly because words mean nothing and the non-existence of money allows hierarchies to destroy us all.

... I really don't know if I have depression or chronic rage at systemic inequality I cannot upheave (yet).

Ur a tyramine!
"Since the action of Moclobemide is selective and reversible, its propensity to interact with tyramine is slight and short-lasting, as pharmacological studies in animals and man have shown (see section 4.4).

The potentiation of the pressor effect was even lower or did not occur when moclobemide was administered after a meal."

https://mhraproducts4853.blob.core.windows.net/docs/8a7149abc622e33cf7814746cb3c0e096177d42c

Allistics call disabled people retarded all the fucking time, but I literally just showed trained fucking nurses a note I prepared in advance. One nurse emphasised the 'temporary' nature of my overwhelm.

The note explained basically
"my depression is from systemic inequalities and chronic unmet needs. I think I have Atypical Depression and Moclobemide may work on it.
I do not have money to pay for the therapy I need for traumas that I cannot get diagnosed for. I am extra damaged from the vast amount of time I spent surviving on less than what I need."

I now have... a referral to some new mental health team. (?? I have been with this same GP surgery for years? Like, going on a goddamn decade now?)
Aaaaand more propanolol to "calm me down". Given that my arm went heavy on the drive back, I'm not sure "too much energy" is the motherfucking problem here.

I fucking hate allistic people, I fucking hate neurotypical people, I fucking hate clinicians, and I fucking hate probably some other group. Throw billionaires in there. Them and fossil fuel lobbyists are probably fucking implicated anyway. Bastards.

Joy of joys, it burns to pee now too.
Piss after fucking, you cunts. Healthcare will still blame you and ignore UTIs. Of *course* women, femmes, and AFAB people deserve to suffer for not having the Holiest of Holy, dicockPhallus. (Even if you do, you're still bad because cis people win, so there! No, intersex people can't play with us! You all have cooties [sic].)

It's *your* fault if you fall asleep after inviting someone to massage your guts internally. Or having too much sugar? Waiting to urinate? Eh, we don't really care so we haven't bothered to test it.
Probably a hysterical whining about nothing thing, WGAF

My gender is green hair. Idk much else beyond that. Does there have to be more beyond that?
https://www.stylecraze.com/articles/best-green-hair-colour-products/ and
https://ukbeautyroom.com/best-green-hair-dye/

Also MH team called while I was in the very-needed shower. Gave the poor caller an earful about how dejected I was by the ANP and (sorry icr job title) in training.
They'll call again later. "Urgent referral" apparently. Not sure wtf I did differently this time, but I'd wager it was "looking allistic kind of depressed rather than autistic kind of depressed".

Don't think about it! Oh wait, I'm not driving anymore. I can think about it! Somehow freudian slipped typing that first as "can't", again. :/

If I wander around with (pale) trans-taped tits and men's boxers,
do you think that would count as public indecency, even when my nipples, genitals, and ass are covered?

#ShowerThoughts #trans #NonBinary #TransMasc #queer #bi

@MxVerda depends on the jurisdiction and on how much you're prepared to fight to defend your rights

in some places (a friend once told us NYC is among them), a woman can legally wear any outfit a man could wear... but enforcement doesn't always treat it that way

@ireneista ah, makes sense. UK, wherein a trans chick with huge melons can legally strut topless (but uh, obv I would worry for her safety with the damn pigs).

I have to imagine they'd get me on a technicality like "I saw one (1) pube for a microsecond while you were running for a bus" or some shit