Omfg https://nebula.tv/videos/lauracrone-the-harry-potter-for-grownups-industrial-complex/
#book #BookTok #lit #literature #read #reading #media #MediaAnalysis #books #analytics #TheMagicians #TheMagicianKing #TheMagiciansLand #LevGrossman #author #story #ComingOfAge #Bildungsroman #AltText
I... am I a fan of Dark Academia? Should I really derive pleasure from Quentin's suffering?
I enjoy noticing his bullshit being pummelled out of him, eventually feeling paternal for someone making the same impulsive self-miseries.
Dark Academia is nerdy Icarus but rich and depressed?
https://nebula.tv/videos/lauracrone-the-harry-potter-for-grownups-industrial-complex/
(Piranesi is still bad and should still feel bad.) I cannot overemphasise my indignant disregard & disgust for Piranesi.
It felt like... idfk, "autism-face"?!
#book #BookTok #lit #literature #read #reading #media #MediaAnalysis #books #analytics #TheMagicians #TheMagicianKing #TheMagiciansLand #LevGrossman #author #story #ComingOfAge #Bildungsroman
One part of having possible dyspraxia is the GOD-FUCKING-DAMN-IT-ness of smashing into shit while I move around anywhere.
Giant bruise on the back of my upper arm? Folding glass door in the shower.
Often wondering whether I broke a toe? Pick any furniture or wall, tbh.
This night's was: ass-diagonal on the dishwasher corner. Dude installing it said it would stick out a little. Since UK houses / non-mansions are FUCKING TINY, [chronically undersupported] disabilities mean we need a fucking dishwasher -- or else life is not worth living.
Prompt for posting this was "barely gasp as silent scream on sitting ON A HAEMMORRHOID CUSHION, and like 3 blankets, on the sofa". I have a rather fat ass, and I'm chubby as well. This is not bare bone to wooden seat or some shit, ffs.
I didn't quite see stars, but any faster and I might have done.
'Clumsy af' might as well be an occupational hazard.
"Hey wait, what do you mean you're in your 30s and your joints hurting has been familiar to you since your teens?"
Were you born yesterday, or did you just have real healthcare and doctors and family who listened in your life?
Rules are NEVER applied equally to everyone. *Should* be, but aren't.
So anyway, case in fucking point: https://lgbtqia.space/@MxVerda/114992200352617302
Allistics call disabled people retarded all the fucking time, but I literally just showed trained fucking nurses a note I prepared in advance. One nurse emphasised the 'temporary' nature of my overwhelm. The note explained basically "my depression is from systemic inequalities and chronic unmet needs. I think I have Atypical Depression and Moclobemide may work on it. I do not have money to pay for the therapy I need for traumas that I cannot get diagnosed for. I am extra damaged from the vast amount of time I spent surviving on less than what I need." I now have... a referral to some new mental health team. (?? I have been with this same GP surgery for years? Like, going on a goddamn decade now?) Aaaaand more propanolol to "calm me down". Given that my arm went heavy on the drive back, I'm not sure "too much energy" is the motherfucking problem here. I fucking hate allistic people, I fucking hate neurotypical people, I fucking hate clinicians, and I fucking hate probably some other group. Throw billionaires in there. Them and fossil fuel lobbyists are probably fucking implicated anyway. Bastards.
The various shortages and price hikes for medicines must have dropped since the early pandemic. (Did you know Covid-19 still exists? Get your jabs and masks to protect your organs!)
Still look like Moclobemide is more expensive for [the NHS / DWP / whichever] than my current half-assed Venlafaxine. Tried 2x 225mg ~last week & maybe helps?
Is it fair to request expensive meds to make me 'want' or able to live? My context is I don't otherwise want to and can't.
Further: the DWP is the Sword of Damocles that will pouce on any chance to demand I look for work.
(Especially if I "improve" from negative 10,000 to negative 8,500. It's a scale of negative 100 to positive 100, btw.)
From Table 2 in https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7955799/#Sec3 I got the following numbers.
Columns: Quantity dispensed (Million), Costs in £ (Million).
Sub-columns: January to August for the years 2019 and then 2020.
SSRIs
41.14/939.94 = 0.0438
128.87/995.70 = 0.1290
Tricyclics
41.46/560.33 = 0.074
42.53/575.05 = 0.074
MAOIs
3.64/1.71 = 2.129
3.89/0.92 = 4.228
Others
32.09/324.43 = 0.0989
47.23/355.03 = 0.1330
The social restrictions amid coronavirus disease 2019 (COVID-19) pandemic have posed a serious threat to mental health and have implications in the use of medications for mental health including antidepressants (ADs). This study investigated the ...
I'd have to come off the lisdex, which I'm fine with. Sounds like Moclobemide MIGHT solve some of the ADHD brain-no-worky problems anyway.
And frankly, to quote my partner on a phone call to the shitty private hospital contracted out by the NHS to perform my life-saving gall bladder removal surgery, "I'm afraid that without [this treatment], there isn't going to BE a patient to need it".
Huh. segele-whatever-eline not moclobemide, but looks possible actually. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4805402/
Since it's reversible, Moclobemide is a RIMA, not a MAOI anyway, but who gives a fuck? Medicine isn't allowed to research properly because words mean nothing and the non-existence of money allows hierarchies to destroy us all.
... I really don't know if I have depression or chronic rage at systemic inequality I cannot upheave (yet).
This report reviews the medical literature on combining stimulants with monoamine oxidase inhibitors. A case is also presented documenting successful treatment of major depressive disorder and comorbid attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder using ...
Ur a tyramine!
"Since the action of Moclobemide is selective and reversible, its propensity to interact with tyramine is slight and short-lasting, as pharmacological studies in animals and man have shown (see section 4.4).
The potentiation of the pressor effect was even lower or did not occur when moclobemide was administered after a meal."
https://mhraproducts4853.blob.core.windows.net/docs/8a7149abc622e33cf7814746cb3c0e096177d42c
Allistics call disabled people retarded all the fucking time, but I literally just showed trained fucking nurses a note I prepared in advance. One nurse emphasised the 'temporary' nature of my overwhelm.
The note explained basically
"my depression is from systemic inequalities and chronic unmet needs. I think I have Atypical Depression and Moclobemide may work on it.
I do not have money to pay for the therapy I need for traumas that I cannot get diagnosed for. I am extra damaged from the vast amount of time I spent surviving on less than what I need."
I now have... a referral to some new mental health team. (?? I have been with this same GP surgery for years? Like, going on a goddamn decade now?)
Aaaaand more propanolol to "calm me down". Given that my arm went heavy on the drive back, I'm not sure "too much energy" is the motherfucking problem here.
I fucking hate allistic people, I fucking hate neurotypical people, I fucking hate clinicians, and I fucking hate probably some other group. Throw billionaires in there. Them and fossil fuel lobbyists are probably fucking implicated anyway. Bastards.
Joy of joys, it burns to pee now too.
Piss after fucking, you cunts. Healthcare will still blame you and ignore UTIs. Of *course* women, femmes, and AFAB people deserve to suffer for not having the Holiest of Holy, dicockPhallus. (Even if you do, you're still bad because cis people win, so there! No, intersex people can't play with us! You all have cooties [sic].)
It's *your* fault if you fall asleep after inviting someone to massage your guts internally. Or having too much sugar? Waiting to urinate? Eh, we don't really care so we haven't bothered to test it.
Probably a hysterical whining about nothing thing, WGAF
My gender is green hair. Idk much else beyond that. Does there have to be more beyond that?
https://www.stylecraze.com/articles/best-green-hair-colour-products/ and
https://ukbeautyroom.com/best-green-hair-dye/
Also MH team called while I was in the very-needed shower. Gave the poor caller an earful about how dejected I was by the ANP and (sorry icr job title) in training.
They'll call again later. "Urgent referral" apparently. Not sure wtf I did differently this time, but I'd wager it was "looking allistic kind of depressed rather than autistic kind of depressed".
Don't think about it! Oh wait, I'm not driving anymore. I can think about it! Somehow freudian slipped typing that first as "can't", again. :/
If I wander around with (pale) trans-taped tits and men's boxers,
do you think that would count as public indecency, even when my nipples, genitals, and ass are covered?
@MxVerda depends on the jurisdiction and on how much you're prepared to fight to defend your rights
in some places (a friend once told us NYC is among them), a woman can legally wear any outfit a man could wear... but enforcement doesn't always treat it that way
@ireneista ah, makes sense. UK, wherein a trans chick with huge melons can legally strut topless (but uh, obv I would worry for her safety with the damn pigs).
I have to imagine they'd get me on a technicality like "I saw one (1) pube for a microsecond while you were running for a bus" or some shit
Ok, Mental Health team called. They are neither a prescribing service nor do they liaise with benefits OR provide summaries for evidence of MH problems.
I truly do not know what the holy fuck their point of existing is, but I need to shit and my throat is sore
"Suicidal thoughts (Review)
For the last 10 days started with suicidal thoughts again.
Not actively self harming but has been thinking about it.
Long term issue with anxiety and depression.
Has doubled up on her Venlafaxine 225mg for the last 4 days which has helped but already taking max dose.
Comment
Long supportive chat today.
Is having suicidal ideation.
During talk, good eye contact.
Well kempt.
Well aware of her own triggers. Good insight into own mental health needs.
Not sleeping but is nocturnal, sleeps duing the day if able.
Has BB at home, this does help but not been taking, wasn't aware she can take up to 3 a day during times of increased anxiety.
Consents to referral to mental health team today.
Last talking therapy letter from October 2024.
Protocol entry Alert displayed - Betablocker Asthma (v18.2) (Ardens)
Commenced Venlaflexine for 18 months.
Has increased dose previously.
Had a bad episode with suicidal thoughts a couple of weeks ago due to news reports of transgender issues.
Did take an extra 1-2 doses of her Venlaflexine at the time. Taking prescribed dose since.
Does feel ok at present.
Still has talking therapy private every 2 weeks which is beneficial.
Tried crisis team and samaritans which she doesn't find helpful.
Medication
Propranolol 40mg tablets Take one tablet 30 minutes prior to when needed, on occasions,no more than three a day. 28 tablet
Comment
Good eye contact during consultation today.
Well kempt.
No acute concerns re self harm or suicidal thoughts today but always has underlying concerns.
Discussed options, can trial increase in Venlaflexine currently takes 225mg MR, max is 375mg.
Or can trial something which may help as situational, during times of increased anxiety.
Wishes to try the latter.
Pulse rate 98 beats/min
Advised only take on occasions.
Contact practice if any further concerns.
Has crisis team number if required."
I hadn't showered for a week.
The EHRC guidance was not "transgender issues" but cisgender freakout.
They know I'm autistic so how the fuck does "good eye contact" mean anything other than knowing I must mask to receive STILL-substandard healthcare?
My 'favourite' errors:
"For the last 10 days started [sic] suicidal thoughts again.
Long term issue w/ anxiety & depression [sic: the issue is with neurotypical people denying responsibility for their rampant harms & gaslighting.]
2x Venlafaxine 225mg for the last 4 days which has helped [sic] but already taking max [sic] dose.
Comment
Long supportive [sic] chat today.
During talk, good [sic] eye contact.
Well kempt [sic].
Not sleeping [sic] but is nocturnal [sic: for this week or more, yes! Then I won't be! Then I will! Which I said!], sleeps during the day if able [sic: almost as if it's a sleep schedule I am expecting or something!].
Has BB at home, this does help [sic: FOR ANXIETY OR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE yes, not for systemic inequalities or chronic unmet needs!] but not been taking [sic: for systemic inequalities or unmet needs], ...
Had a bad episode w/ suicidal thoughts a couple of weeks ago due to news reports of transgender [sic: cisgendering] issues.
Does feel ok at present [sic: in which fucking reality?].
Comment
Good eye contact [sic: do I get a cookie for doing well? Ofc it was graded.] during consultation today.
Well kempt. [sic: My skin itched & my stank was rank. What the fuck.]
No acute concerns re self harm or suicidal thoughts today but always has underlying concerns [sic: 'always' means negligible! Please neglect the concerns until they come to fruition.] ...
Wishes to try the latter. [sic: b/c I needed extra tools, not exclusionary ones.]
Advised only take on occasions. [sic: so not "whenever the fuck I feel like it" contrary to earlier.]
Contact practice if any further concerns.
Has crisis team number if required." Needed, never aimed at autistic people w/ ongoing external demands & no real support.
No shower for 1 week.
The EHRC guidance wasn't "transgender issues" but cisgender freakout.
They know I'm autistic so what does "good eye contact" mean besides "I know I must mask to receive STILL-substandard healthcare"?
Hear any more of my contortions? Nixed comportment - nothing's sorted. Gave your next steps? Yet more torture. Can't be having mindful tapping, mental-sapping, NT trappings. Gap filled massive by trans in passing from direct glancing of Self and sassing your nonsense hassling. No bra, pyjamas dodged the sob-fest. Wern't no contest, TERF-ly plot-less. Commando dude, I can't stand to Stay in this room, Misunderstood (Had you tried to). Condescend more! Hear my gripes, tort, As my life force Soaks through your floor. Watch the will pour Joint muscles sore -- https://lgbtqia.space/@MxVerda/114992686016515502 #OortArtCloud
Mx Verda
Irenes (many)
GinevraCat
Hrefna (DHC)