When I was in my twenties, I was repeatedly denied a medically necessary hysterectomy because I might “meet a man who wants kids”.

I was left completely disabled, forced to undergo six surgeries, multiple blood & iron transfusions to preserve a diseased uterus for a HYPOTHETICAL child.

This happened in Canada, where we tend to be more Liberal than our neighbours to the South.

I was cishet and white, so faced less barriers to care than marginalized people do.

I still wasn’t permitted to make a decision about my own body.

Wasn’t trusted to know my own mind

I had zero quality of life. There was no way I could have been a mother even if I HAD wanted to (which I didn’t).

Yet a hypothetical future husband’s needs and desires were repeatedly put before my own.

I was told I would feel differently once I was “in love”. That my dream man would leave me

Basically imagine every misogynistic and patriarchal nonsense you’ve ever been told… I heard it all.

I watched my twenties slip away from a hospital bed, confused and disheartened by the fact that I couldn’t convince any doctors to let me make the choice that was best for my life & body

I eventually did get the hysterectomy, but only because I was literally bleeding to death.

What could have been a planned & controlled operation was done as an emergency and left me with tons of complications.

Autonomy doesn’t exist for uterus owners. And we’re losing more each day

I tell this story because I feel sick over what’s happening to Adriana Smith in Georgia.

She was a black nurse who tried to seek medical care. She was dismissed and it cost her life.

Now because of an abortion ban her body is being kept alive for a 9 week old fetus.

Her family had no say in the matter. She’s been turned into an incubator by the State. Had “care” forced upon her despite the fact that she couldn’t access proper care when she was alive.

The same day I found out about Adriana, I discovered that police in the UK are being given guidance on how to search a woman’s home & devices for any reference to abortion after a pregnancy loss.

Choice is an illusion. So is autonomy. And it shouldn’t be.

I don’t know where we go from here, but I do know that if I faced a battle to obtain a hysterectomy, more marginalized people living in less Liberal areas have it far far worse.

We need to tell our stories. I’ve told this story before, and I’m going to keep telling it until none of us suffer this way.

For the Adriana’s who can’t tell their story. For those we’ve lost and will lose. For the next generation.

We need to keep fighting for true autonomy. We need to support each other.

We need to make it clear that we do not agree with patriarchal fascist means of controlling our reproductive organs and by extension, our lives.

When we share stories, we help others know they aren’t alone. We educate people on how far we are from equality. We change hearts and minds

#patriarchy #misogyny #fuckthepatriarchy #fascism #roevwade #abortion #womenshealth #disability #ableism #misogynoir #womenshealth

What’s worse, Adriana tried to get medical care for her headaches. She knew something was wrong. Despite being a nurse, she was dismissed.

When I had my hysterectomy complication, I was sent home 3 times from ER. Gaslit & told I was fine

I survived based on luck because I had a man to fight for me:

https://www.disabledginger.com/p/my-most-dangerous-er-experience-and

#adrianasmith #misogyny #ableism #disability #patriarchy #eugenics #healthcare #obgyn

My Most Dangerous ER Experience and How My Advocate Saved My Life

A story of medical gaslighting, negligence and neglect that very nearly cost me my life - and how my accidental advocate (untrained and unprepared) saved me.

The Disabled Ginger
@broadwaybabyto
Married, two kids. Serious blood clots with both pregnancies. First kid I was told we rarely see this it won’t happen again. Second kid oh wow it happened again. Meds, super expensive hospital stays , and all the stress.
Requested a tubal ligation after the second. Oh NO what if you want another what if your husband wants a son etc etc etc.
Husband calls for vasectomy. Was scheduled and procedure done before my episiotomy finished healing.
I was a womb not a person.

@broadwaybabyto

To add something even more infuriating:

I decided to get a vasectomy when I was 18 and got it with no questions asked. Perhaps my history of mental illness was a factor, but mostly I just told the doctor I didn't think I was responsible enough to ever be a father.

How we treat men's reproductive healthcare versus how we treat women's is an outrage.

@CosmickTrigger omfg. That is an astoundingly responsible decision to make and follow through with at 18, whoa. Impressed af @broadwaybabyto

@MxVerda @broadwaybabyto

Especially since my sexual promiscuity when I lived in New Orleans reached epic levels. Like, I lost count.

Which means I wasn't as careful about STDs as I should have been, but I got lucky in that department.

All I know is that bringing a child into the world and having to be responsible for it scared me more than ANY STD.

@MxVerda @broadwaybabyto

I'm 55 now. I have no regrets at all. I don't see why anyone would expect a woman to feel differently.

You're an 18-year-old woman and don't think you will ever want kids? You should be able to get your tubes tied at the very least, since those can be reversed just like vasectomies.

In the case of OP: she should have been given the medically neccesary proceedure as it is, but I also think a perfectly healthy young woman in her teens or 20s should be able to say "I want a hysterectomy now if I want kids I'll adopt" and no one should be able to deny her.

@CosmickTrigger @MxVerda @broadwaybabyto And even if people regret, really? Regret is just part of life, you learn to deal with it, some might be more bitter than others but in the end, it's just one's own decision to make.

@broadwaybabyto I was given a D&C to remove uterine fibroids, which were embedded and so of course the procedure didn’t work. It took over 10 years of pain, pointless procedures, and of bleeding so heavy that I could barely leave my house, until I could get a hysterectomy - and then only because I had found a surgeon who wanted to give me a hysterectomy so he could practice a new medical procedure on me.

The D&C procedure is also sometimes used for abortions. I’ve been crossing my fingers that I don’t get harassed about it by someone with an agenda looking at my chart. It was a useless surgery that I didn’t want.

@VeeRat I’m so sorry and I completely understand. They never would have done my surgery if I wasn’t requiring multiple units of blood on a regular basis.

It’s awful what they make us go through and I sincerely hope you are never bothered about the procedure (another example of the ways abortion bans impact all kinds of reproductive care even when a fetus is not involved)

@broadwaybabyto

Thank you for sharing - I'm multiply marginalized and was denied basic needs to keep housing or have food assistance simply because I have never been a baby factory

I'm sexually inactive at age 41, never been active aka "a virgin" and I don't want children even having met a "man I love" dearly - I still don't fucking want kids

Here in the US I can't get govt aid because I have no minors in my care, I have a dependant but she's 72 yrs old

#misogyny also creates #poverty

@SabiLewSounds I’m so sorry. Misogyny is everywhere and it harms people in a myriad of ways and we need to keep speaking out until none of us are treated as incubators first and people second

@broadwaybabyto

Indeed! I'm glad I came across your post today

Time and time again I'm shamed for needing help when it's #patriarchy and other systemic issues that have put my family in danger, people assuming I never tried to find help, nonprofits, govt all of them all expected me to have a child b4 havin help since my 20s

I'm not the only uterus carrier who has had this happen I'm sure

@broadwaybabyto it's the same people who think adoption is a valid alternative to abortion but not a valid alternative for a woman who's had a hysterectomy.

@mattg yes! That’s an excellent point. I consistently said if I change my mind I will adopt, and they always said “you might want biological children, many women do”

It was infuriating.

@broadwaybabyto @mattg and like adoption is fine if you are giving a kid a home but I dont know anyone who would say "I gave my baby away and I am happt about it." who wouldnt be shamed.

I actually never heard anyone talking about giving a kid into adoption.

I only know someone who had their kid placed in custody because they couldnt take care of it (medical reasons). and someone who was made to have an abortion for medical reasons.

and like if a doctor (probably) male deems the woman not ..

@broadwaybabyto @mattg .. fit for having a child, than the abortion comes easily.

and what if you are not fit to have a child of your own? why wouldnt you get someone to support you paid by state money?

thanks for sharing your story!

@broadwaybabyto I have a friend who's suffered similar treatment here in relatively liberal New Zealand. Even being told by one surgeon that the surgery they needed was "against God".

Even after a hysterectomy they still have diseased reproductive tissues that apparently "can't" be safely removed. They are very nearly 50 years old.

I don't need to have a uterus of my own to know that all of this is horrific madness and cruelty, and must me resisted with every effort. Thank you for speaking up.

@DrCuriosity @broadwaybabyto Fuck God. These aren't real medical practitioners. These are religious pricks that will do anything to protect an intangible deity. Their medical licenses mean NOTHING.
@broadwaybabyto I can just say I am utterly sorry for you that your health was not put in highest priority and that you were not being listened to. No one should be treated the way you were. Thank you for sharing!

@broadwaybabyto There are so many of these stories. I'm sorry it happened to you.

I have a family member who has two kids, and sought a hysterectomy for health reasons. She was denied because, "what if her whole family dies in an accident, and she later wants more kids with a new partner."

WTAF.

@broadwaybabyto

The public health clinic, funded by public money, in a "progressive" state and a relatively "pro choice" country, won't prescribe contraception for the purpose of contraception.

Because the public clinic is part of a private hospital run by the Catholic church.

They also don't provide abortion care unless it's to save the life of the parent, so if you go there with a pregnancy, and then you have complications, you're shit outta luck until you're so sick you might die.

There are no signs or warnings of any of this, and referring GPs don't mention it, so women are just told "no" with out warning or recourse.

@keira_reckons it’s absolutely appalling. They have hundreds of what ifs… and there really shouldn’t be any.

Make sure the patient understands the procedure is irreversible. Make sure they understand it means they can’t carry a pregnancy. You’ve done your job.

None of this what if your family dies, what if you meet your dream man, what if you wake up one day and want to be Mary Poppins. It’s maddening.

@broadwaybabyto i hate that "you might meet a man who wants children"

Yes...so?...

Don't I get any say in the children department?

@Noortjevee In patriarchy you don’t. You get to obey your patriarch. And since they also have a patriarch to obey, they will take out their frustration on you.

@Noortjevee right? Every time they said that I responded with “then I guess he’s not the man for me?”

Obviously adopting was always an option except I didn’t want children. No man was going to change that and it was infuriating that doctors wouldn’t accept that.

@broadwaybabyto that is infuriating...especially when it comes from the "adoption is always an option" crowd (a.k.a. the rabid anti-abortion nutters)
@broadwaybabyto This writing and this story are so important. Vital. Thank you for sharing it.
@KarenStrickholm thank you Karen. It’s Painful to share but I also think it’s necessary because so many people don’t realize it’s as bad as it is for many of us.

@broadwaybabyto @KarenStrickholm
It's extremely important to share these stories. It's proof of the toxic workings of male white privilege, patriarchy, dominance and putting people who depend on them AT RISK. Or plainly TO DEATH. It must be fought with vigor.

I am a white cishet 68yo in NL and recognize the privileges endowed on me, but I truly HATE everything white cishet male privilege stands for.

I hate US right wing legislators, the Andrew Tate's of this world and many others.

@apenkop @broadwaybabyto @KarenStrickholm you put this better than I could, and I'm in a similar place of privilege. I really hope that those who need to, read this thread. @openkop@mstdn.social & others tell their story that is, sadly, not uncommon.

@broadwaybabyto

Thanks for telling it and sorry to hear it.

Yeah it’s such BS how many people gotta feel A Way about someone who can’t/won’t be having kids and impose on that person.

Like it’s fine for the person who can’t have kids to feel A Way about it, but that’s a matter for them, everyone else sit down, and if you’re a medical provider be a professional, f your feelings, do your friggin’ job and PROVIDE HEALTHCARE.

@broadwaybabyto as bloke, that makes me so sad you had to endure what you have had to.
Same with Adriana's story :-(

@broadwaybabyto

My story is too long for this thread.

All I can say is, we have to fight for the women coming behind us. They do not deserve to be treated as if they are not witnesses to their own ill health.

When a woman arrives in the ER?

SHE DOESN’T WANT TO BE THERE.

Treat. Her.

@broadwaybabyto This must be heard all over the world, shouted out loudly, silencing al the paytriarchy machinery, weapons and vehicles. Or else, we're heading straight back into the middle ages, when everyone - except male 'leaders' and machos - suffered being alive.

Let's get this straightened out.
#fuckthepatriarchy

@broadwaybabyto
I haven't been following the news closely enough. I thought Adriana Smith's family may have been honoring and preserving her memory by keeping her child alive. I didn't know they didn't have a choice or may have been actively opposing the life support. Now I know. Thanks!
@broadwaybabyto thank you for writing about this gender inclusive.
@broadwaybabyto this is so normal in our so-called health care system, it's really shameful to call it "socialised". there is no socialism in misogyny.

@broadwaybabyto I talk about this all over your posts so I’m sure you have seen this and probably responded to me and I just forgot because brain fog sucks.

In NH USA we finally got a house bill through that would ban physicians for discriminating against us based on our age as long as we are adults, our marital status, the number of kids we have, and their perceptions of what we should be doing with our fertility.

We have women with lupus who can’t get sterilized even though getting pregnant would harm them. One women testified that an accidental pregnancy with her lupus caused kidney failure. The pregnancy didn’t even make it to term because of the lupus, her body attacked it like it does. So she just ended up with kidney failure and lots of medical bills.

Women of child bearing age are denied malaria medication when they need to travel because that medication would be really bad for them if they got pregnant. The men they are traveling with can have malaria medication, but not “ripe and fertile” women.

The most upsetting testimony came from women who were married to men who had vasectomies because these women and their husbands already knew they didn’t want kids, and these women still couldn’t get healthcare or sterilization because “what if something happens to him and you marry someone else who wants babies?”

HOW DISGUSTING that OUR plans for our bodies and lives don’t even matter if we are in a partnership, what if some other man wants to use our body later? How dare we take away that entitlement.

Now that I’ve seen this story I suspect it’s not “what if your husband dies?” it’s “if something happens to you we need your uterus (if this science experiment is successful)!”

Maybe I’m being crazy, but if they can grow a baby in a dead body are they going to try to grow one in my Perimenopausal uterus if I get arrested for homelessness from disability will I be ordered to serve out my time in a breeding camp where I put on life support where they can use my uterus?

@maggiejk @broadwaybabyto A hypothetical man who might hypothetically want their partner to become pregnant one day has more rights than an actual woman with an actual medical condition at that actual moment.

#womensrights #healthcare #misogyny

@maj @maggiejk @broadwaybabyto it's a great point: the "needs" of men being primary lives so unconsciously inside so many people's minds.

But to me that just shows the utter mediocrity of the person doing the gatekeeping- when they defer to imaginary men and "can't see" the real person in front of them.

What kinds of people still do that? Stunted ones. People who are stunted or brainwashed to be stunted af.

@broadwaybabyto I don't like that this happened. Fuck religion. Fuck patriarchy.
@broadwaybabyto - That is BS to treat you like a Number instead of a Woman.

@broadwaybabyto this is too familiar. im transmasc. i had to wait until i had stage 3 breast cancer before theyd take me seriously bc i was infantalized as a "confused/anxious young lady, people in their30s rarely get cancer, stop fussing we know you just want ur tits off"

the surgical infection later was a similarly misogynistic xp. i lifted my shirt to show the ER doc the obvious cellulitis in a surgical drain& he went "i have no idea what im looking at here" ok but you should if you graduated med school

@broadwaybabyto my partner and I didn't want kids. I looked into getting my tubes tied. I couldn't because I was too young, might regret it later, my partner might want kids (in spite of us doing this because we both didn't want kids)... even with my partner going in with me, nope. Not possible.

My partner went to THE SAME DOCTOR for a vasectomy. Got it pretty quick. Nothing about his wife, possible future mindset, or anything.

Same end result, but seriously. The hell.

@commonst the only possible justification that asshole could actually have had that I would accept is
vasectomy is ridiculously accessible compared to tubal ligation, afaik.
Like, in terms of intrusiveness, risks, recovery etc. But fuck that guy @broadwaybabyto
@MxVerda @broadwaybabyto oh it was clear that was not the reason. This doctor also habitually dismissed my health concerns as stress, and told me I should go home and relax. I ended up with chronic vertigo for several years because "it was all in my head", and when I suggested an ear specialist he told me he didn't think vertigo could be related to my ears (spoiler alert, it was).
@MxVerda @broadwaybabyto I was stuck with him due to a shortage in the area, but once a new dr moved in taking patients I jumped ship fast.
@commonst what the fuck kind of ear specialist -- fucking hell, even https://www.verywellhealth.com/causes-of-vertigo-1298945 knows that @broadwaybabyto
Surprising Causes of Vertigo

Vertigo is a dizziness or a spinning sensation with causes ranging from ear problems to stroke. Reviewed by a board-certified neurologist.

Verywell Health

@MxVerda @broadwaybabyto he wasn't a specialist, he was my GP. And a bad GP at that. I pretty much lost my 30s to that guy.

And apparently I am still very bitter and angry about...

@broadwaybabyto

Could not agree more. This is why I believe the fight for reproductive justice and the fight for trans rights are *exactly* the same fight. We are struggling against a controlling patriarchy that will not give us bodily autonomy. They would never accept the same restrictions placed on them. So let all trans people fight for reproductive justice, and all people who have or have had a uterus fight for trans rights. We are not enemies.

@broadwaybabyto I can't claim any direct knowledge about this, but my understanding is that in Canada, as in the US, much often depends on where you are. Many procedures which would be fairly straightforward in some parts of the US might be harder to get elsewhere, or even illegal, depending on prevailing legal or professional doctrine. I understand it's often similar in Canada.

@broadwaybabyto I'm now wondering if any men had to pretend to be a husband so a woman with a medical need like yours could get the necessary treatment?

And yet everyone's pointing at Saudi where husbands have to give permission for so many aspects of a woman's life as if that's some backwards foreign thing and not common across so many "civilised" countries

@broadwaybabyto Sorry you went through this. Sadly, it is a man's world.

@broadwaybabyto

In 1992 at a hospital in 'progressive' California, my mother went through a similar arc. Despite having at that point had two healthy kids with my father, she was denied care despite extremely heavy bleeding. 100lbs and a year later, the dam broke badly enough that it was life threatening; and even as she's getting prepped for emergency surgery the Catholic Nuns from the adjacent church at the hospital tried to talk her out of a hysterectomy. Woman was anemic, remains absurd.

@broadwaybabyto uh-huh, there's one thing if there's one thing i don't understand, its how someone can go 'oh it would be better if abortions didn't happen' .. to effectively meaning "the state should do systemic violence on you and deny you basic rights if you dare want an abortion" .. which is a completely different statement;
you don't care about life, if you cared about life you'd despise law enforcement and the government generally, as it exists to completely destroy peoples lives; and we all pretend its okay; it exists to do systemic violence,

'i would rather new people come into existence than not' is fine;

but ' i want the state to use systemic violence and intentionally cause extreme harm to anyone who dares even consider the idea of an abortion' is not;

but yet somehow half these shitheads are convinced these are somehow the same thing.

@broadwaybabyto when i had to deal with this shit when i wanted to transition, they kept refusing to listen to me wanting to start hormones without bothering to freeze sperm in advance because "i might want to do that someday" and still often when i go into appointments for HRT they ask me about my sex life, despite every time repeating that im asexual i don't do that, and probably never will; like ffs