Laffy

Who in 2025 HAS $3000 in cash?

Via Brad Moss:

Who in 2025 carries $3,000 in cash?

‪ Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem’s bag, including $3,000 in cash, is stolen from DC restaurant
https://www.cnn.com/2025/04/21/politics/homeland-security-kristi-noem-purse-stolen/index.html

Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem’s bag, including $3,000 in cash, is stolen from DC restaurant

Department of Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem fell victim to a thief while eating dinner at a downtown Washington, DC, restaurant Sunday night, the secretary confirmed Monday.

CNN
Apr 21, 2025 at 2:41pmWeb
Show threadRyan the hepcatApr 21, 2025
@GottaLaff obviously someone who just received a $3000 in bribes.
Show threadJeffApr 21, 2025
@ochaos @GottaLaff or on their way to bribe someone
Show threadme_valentijnApr 21, 2025
@GottaLaff
We need a betting pool on what was in there that shouldn't be. My money's on the nuclear codes 😑
Show threadaardvarkApr 21, 2025
@GottaLaff somehow, magically, her phone wasn’t in there?
Show threadJamesWNealApr 21, 2025
@GottaLaff Well, obviously whomever was smart enough to steal Rolex lady's handbag. Sorry, that was too easy, I know.
Show threadGJ Groothedde 🇪🇺Apr 21, 2025
@GottaLaff Three grand? In a PURSE?? In any conceivable scenario, that's WEIRD.
Show threadPhil Thane ✅Apr 21, 2025
@GottaLaff
People with irregular sources of income and/or the need to make untraceable payments usually. Though surely not in this case.
Show threadWiley MillerApr 21, 2025

@GottaLaff

Drug dealing is a cash-only business.

Show threadPetterOfCatsApr 21, 2025
@GottaLaff she was buying eggs.
Show threadNick 'The Viking'Apr 21, 2025

@PetterOfCats @GottaLaff

*allegedly* including $3k in cash

In reality, just 3 of these.

Show threadSherBearethApr 21, 2025
@PetterOfCats Hahahaha. 😂
Show threadsandywb14Apr 21, 2025
@PetterOfCats @GottaLaff 😂
Show threadferricoxideApr 21, 2025
@PetterOfCats @GottaLaff

#Trump says egg prices have come down, though: was he lying?

/s
Show threadsu_liamApr 21, 2025
@PetterOfCats @GottaLaff @ferricoxide Usually.
Show threadChristine OlsonApr 21, 2025
@PetterOfCats @GottaLaff 🤣🤣🤣
Show threadD. G. MarshallApr 21, 2025

@PetterOfCats @GottaLaff

Black Market egg dealers only take cash.

Show threadAndre NantelApr 21, 2025
@GottaLaff And blank checks? Who the fuck still pays with those?
Show threadB KahnApr 21, 2025
@GottaLaff What a poor choice. If only they had taken her away and left the stupid purse behind. So much better for the country.
Show threadC. R. Collins 🌳 🐸Apr 21, 2025

@GottaLaff

In her defense, she just got that bribe and hadn't gotten the chance to deposit it. 🙄

@natureshelperokanaganhighlands

Show threadMaddad ☑️Apr 21, 2025

@GottaLaff

Well that just says so much about Homeland Security 😂

They can't even stop a snatcher 😂

Show threadSherBearethApr 21, 2025

@GottaLaff

Bet she buys her melange of hair extensions in the black market down by the marina. And maybe a fake Rolex salesperson near the docks. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Show threadLaffyApr 21, 2025
@SherBeareth I wonder what the thief will do with what he/she finds.
Show threadSherBearethApr 21, 2025
@GottaLaff Get Taylor Swift tickets.
Show threadCarolleisaApr 21, 2025
@GottaLaff I hope they put it to good use. Maybe an animal rescue and adoption nonprofit.
Show threadCrone Cold Kate SherrodApr 21, 2025
@GottaLaff Whose kidney had she just sold?
Show threadshplinkApr 21, 2025
@KateOfMind @GottaLaff Some fuzzy Immigrant's, no doubt. (/S)
Show threadHumToTableApr 21, 2025
@GottaLaff $3000 and all of her backup hair extensions.
Show threadDennis HowardApr 21, 2025
@GottaLaff I'm kind of surprised that there was no handgun in her bag. Or maybe she just didn't report it since it would be illegal in DC.
Show threadcobaltApr 21, 2025
@GottaLaff And why did she want to pay that much in cash? Gosh, she could have gotten a lot of reward points on her credit cards. Oh yeah. She doesn’t worry about such struggling amounts. Oh well, so sad. I hope to gosh it was not a brown person who stole it. Or a person who is framed.
Show threadAlisonW ♿🏳️‍🌈♾️Apr 21, 2025
@cobalt123 @GottaLaff
Doesn't she have a Secret Service minder at all times?
Show threadTim Ward ⭐🇪🇺🔶 #FBPEApr 21, 2025
@AlisonW @cobalt123 @GottaLaff It's all the fault of people who won't put pockets in women's clothes.
Show threadAlisonW ♿🏳️‍🌈♾️Apr 21, 2025
@TimWardCam @cobalt123 @GottaLaff
Well yes, absolutely!
Show threadRoger MooreApr 21, 2025
@GottaLaff
I have more than$3000 in emergency cash, but I keep that locked up unless and until I need it. I would never carry that much unless it was for some very specific purpose.
Show threadפְּרִיApr 21, 2025

@GottaLaff

I really, really read that as alleging that Kristi Noem's bag included $3000 that Kristi Noem stole from the restaurant.

Show threadDarwin WoodkaApr 21, 2025

@GottaLaff

and how would she not fucking notice. I'm hyper aware of where my handbag is at all times, especially in a restaurant.

She's a hollow shell of hate.

Show threadPedestrianError  Apr 21, 2025

@GottaLaff "...an unknown white male wearing a medical mask"

It was probably staged as pretext for a mask ban.

Also if you're too ladylike to wear clothes with enough pockets to keep your access badge to the department of homeland security secured on your person while you're out in public, you do not in fact belong in a senior government position - not because of your gender but because of your refusal to put basic responsibility before following fashion trends.

Show threadMikeApr 21, 2025
@GottaLaff The two obvious answers are "Kristi Noem" and "The guy who stole Kristi Noem's bag". A better answer is the type of person who also carries blank checks. Seriously? Checks? I have a checkbook I think. It's in a box in my garage because no one ever uses checks anymore.
Show threadLaura "Tegan" Gjovaag ⛈ 🐸Apr 21, 2025
@GottaLaff
I want to know what restaurant it was because I avoid eating at places that willingly serve fascists.
Show threadRandall LeeApr 21, 2025
@GottaLaff What evidence exists that she did have $3K in her bag?
Show threadferricoxideApr 21, 2025
@GottaLaff

Judging by the still not infrequent "civil asset forfeiture" news stories, more than just Noem. Difference is, in Noem's case, it's not cops stealing it.

Had it been a story about Hegseth, I'd have assumed he was on his way to a strip club (or on his way back from a meeting with his FSB handler …though, that could probably apply to most of Trump's administrative heads).
Show threadIrene Costa 🥁🌊🐦🌻Apr 21, 2025
@GottaLaff Exactly
Show threadRinostarGamesApr 21, 2025
@GottaLaff She knows there will come a time when she has to buy a plane ticket quickly, and in cash, so she's always at the ready.
Show thread👁Pooka🫣Boo🫵Apr 21, 2025
@GottaLaff These people are incompetent at everything....
Show threadChuckApr 21, 2025
@GottaLaff She couldn’t keep her purse secure and she’s supposed to keep the country secure?
Show threadder.hansApr 21, 2025
@GottaLaff someone who was discussing secrets with signal on an unsecured phone and who wants to make sure the news doesn't cover that?
Show thread🥑 Yours Truly! Unruly 🇨🇦🇪🇺🇺🇦🌻Apr 21, 2025

@GottaLaff

Noem's as dumb as a dog murdering bullet. I wonder what state secrets were in the bag.

Show thread🥑 Yours Truly! Unruly 🇨🇦🇪🇺🇺🇦🌻Apr 21, 2025

@GottaLaff

Perhaps it was a "drop" to Russia with love.

Show thread@[email protected]Apr 21, 2025
@GottaLaff Much of it was likely in $3 bills.
Show threadThee Mighty Peculia 🍄Apr 21, 2025
@GottaLaff Mad money. She big mad.
Show threadsu_liamApr 21, 2025
@GottaLaff Someone doing an insurance fraud.
Show threadKilla KoalaApr 21, 2025

@GottaLaff So Trump's gang still take bribes in cash? How delightfully old school.

Also, how useless were her Secret Service detail? Probably DEI hires.

Show threadmvarioApr 22, 2025

@GottaLaff

Street price for an ounce of coke?

or an ounce of gold?

or a night with a high-end escort?