JA WestenbergSeveral times a day, I discover I'm carrying around a backpack full of rocks.
And then I realize I can simply...put it down. A short thread on my rage in 2025. 🧵
We've been sold a story about anger. That it's inevitable, justified, necessary. That it's something that happens TO us rather than something we choose.
The amygdala fires. The blood pressure rises. The fists clench.
But here's the thing: while the initial spark might be automatic, the bonfire is optional.
The market manipulation makes me angry. The political corruption makes me angry. The trolls make me angry. The hate makes me angry. The transphobia makes me angry...
Except it doesn't.
I choose anger because it feels righteous. Because it energizes. Because it lets me point fingers, dunk and scream. I choose it far more often than I'd like. And every time I choose it, I spiral.
The alternative to anger isn't passivity. It's not surrendering to injustice or accepting the unacceptable.
It's simply asking: "Is this anger serving me? Is it serving anyone?"
For me, usually, it isn't.
The trick isn't processing the anger or justifying it or reframing it.
The trick is noticing I'm choosing it.
Several times a day, I notice the choice. Several times a day, I put down the rocks.
The anger will still be there if I need it. But chances are, I won't.
This isn't bullshit positive thinking or spiritual bypassing or pretending everything is fine.
It's recognizing that anger is a tool, not a master.
Here's the real cost: carrying that anger means I can't carry anything else. No space for creation. No energy for the work that matters. No capacity for change.
My best work happens when my hands are free.
Your Winged Bull bro@Daojoan thank you, I needed that. My current therapy cycle is exactly about that.
meduz'@HisNameIsOx @Daojoan Does any of you have any tips or ways to go from “noticing it” to a state where you don't feel angry anymore? Also how much time does it take to reach the non-angry state (minutes, seconds?)?
@meduz literally a post it note on my monitor that says “don’t get mad get better” - something that simple helps more than you’d think!
Re how long it takes…longer in the summer. The heat is not conducive to my calm.
nth_projectMindfulness meditation practice helped me a lot with this skill. Sometimes, noticing an experience fully can help to lessen its power over us.
When we're paying attention to it, we can cease to fuel the emotion, and all that will be left is the chemical aspects of the emotion (adrenaline, epinephrine, etc.), which will subside over the next ~30 min.
The course on the Waking Up app focuses on this a good bit.
DziadekMy experience with anger (and with other reactions) was to audit my behaviour on a daily basis. Look back over the day at the times I got it wrong. Resolving to do better the next day, but not beating myself up when I get it wrong. By "watching myself" I eventually stopped reacting and began responding to things. Took lots of time, still to perfect it.
@DziadekMick @HisNameIsOx @Daojoan Seems like an interesting process. I think I'll try this. Thanks! 🙇
Mike Taylor 🦕@Daojoan Such an important thread, thank you.
TC Won't Give In To LiesThat's perfect! Thank you.
I once read that "Anger is a secondary emotion. It's what you feel when you fail to process through other emotions". That helps me realize how useless anger is, and to look for the real emotions.
Edit: note that those other emotions can drive serious motivation too, the way people claim anger can.
Siobhán Sarelle 🏳️⚧️I think anger is a secondary emotion, so does my therapist, and a lot of other professionals.
I have yet to find an instance of feeling angry, where there isn't something else going on underneath, usually the basic feeling is not feeling safe, and the emotion is fear.
🎯
And we see that every day with rightwing populists like Trump, Farage, Orban, etc who constantly fearmonger to rally their base.
Possibly an attempt to take some control over people.
Cultivate a certain type of threat, rely on perhaps a cultural tendency to mismanage threat (social media is ripe for this as people can behave as if there's a physical threat when there isn't).
Prey on fear, and direct anger. In particular as well, it's taking advantage that some consider anger and aggression to always go together.
Simon Flett@siobhansarelle @TCatInReality @Daojoan Sure. But, thinking on it, my having had my rights as a citizen of the EU confiscated from me on the whim of 17,410,742 of my compatriots who valued their own identical rights at nothing, engenders no fear. Only anger.
John Lydon was right about one thing: anger IS an energy. Sadly, he was wrong about #Brexit . Confirming what we all know - we can all be right about one thing & wrong about another.
@RejoinEU @TCatInReality @Daojoan
How did it feel, having your rights confiscated?
@siobhansarelle @TCatInReality @Daojoan They raised toasts to "Remainer tears".
Well, on 5th July last year, the day after the UK general election, i was privileged to take a plastic glass of Steve Bray's champagne in the gardens adjoining the Palace of Westminster, to his toast of "to Tory tears", and THAT felt good.
They were smashed. But the job has yet to be finished.
@RejoinEU @siobhansarelle @Daojoan
Well put.
Yes, anger is energising - but of a very wild, uncontrolled way. It hampers rational thought and planning. That's why it's so commonly used to exploit people.
Lazarou Monkey Terror 🚀💙🌈@RejoinEU @siobhansarelle @TCatInReality @Daojoan I am NEVER letting go of that anger over what was stolen from us by Xenophobia and Bigotry
That includes the Protest Voters who got absolutely played by the Establishment.
draNgNon@siobhansarelle I think because of American culture, reinforced by movies, anger is also permission to misbehave and/or indulge in violence.
@draNgNon @siobhansarelle @Daojoan
Absolutely right that anger is a very acceptable emotion to be displayed ...by men.
keeps vis.social running@Daojoan "anger is a tool, not a master"
Shit! That is powerful!
John Meadows
Chris [list of emoji]Terry Pratchett has lately become a kind of role model to me, because he took his rage and turned it into humour.
A thing I read somewhere a long time ago is that anger doesn't scare the authoritarians because it's undirected. What scares them is humour, because humour is anger under control.
In conclusion, LOLBUTTS motherfuckers.
James 🦉 #FBPE 🇪🇺@suetanvil @Daojoan I also think they like anger because they've succeeded in making you like them which, deep down, is a big part of what's going on with them. Basically they're all like
Simon Hears@Daojoan Thank you. I needed to hear this right now.
Tanya Karoli 4 a better world@Daojoan I really love both your analysis and your conclusion! Thank you, this is food for thought 🙏
Bernice Hillier 🇨🇦@Daojoan I love this thread. Thank you! You rock! 🙃
Mark@Daojoan I think this is mainly a function of social media use, as in the development of a sometimes civic anger that cannot be aimed at civic good.
Aristotle talks about righteous indignation, as in the golden mean between the extremes of passivity and incontinent rage, as being angry at the right things in the right ways to the right extent. In the past this anger provided a function of civic improvement in the face of social outrages.
But social media is not a civic space.
@Daojoan We live in a society where it seems 99% of people are angry at each other and the other 1% are giggling.
McDyer@Daojoan
Thanks for this. I have to remind myself that anger, while a handy armor from grief and fear, energizes me more to wreck something than to build something.
"Who wants to direct my energy?" is a good question.
Barry C@Daojoan Brilliant! #WiseWords
georgebmillion.com@Daojoan But it's a work out putting it down too... and seems so easy to pick it back up
Heather Migliorisi@Daojoan - I wish a lot more people realized this.
Pseudo Nym