spaf
David LaFontaine@spaf amazing what you can find stuffed between the couch cushions 🤢
enoch_exe_inc@enoch_exe_inc @spaf “would it be irresponsible to speculate? Obviously, it would be irresponsible to NOT speculate…”
Flaming Cheeto@spaf he does look a little
sofalitic in this photo
sofalitic in this photo
Condalmo.@spaf "Big Couch" is going to take issue with this meme
Dave King@spaf Treponema pallidum accubitalia is untreatable and can survive in the crevices between sofa cushions for decades. Scotchgard only activates it.
Daburu Dar@spaf how do you catch syphilis from a couch?
Minty@daburudar @spaf It obviously doesn't require deep penetration otherwise JD wouldn't have caught it
@daburudar
Well, *I* don't have experience with that.
Well, *I* don't have experience with that.
@spaf Could be that the syph was in the vaseline
शिवदम् Ⓥ
mickymorse@Shivadam Vance is queer. Thats why Peter Theil backed him.
felis_catus_domesticus
Democracy Matters 
I hear mercury works…
Rochelle@spaf is he wearing eyeliner? Most guys who wear eyeliner look great in it. This guy just looks weird.
Jay@heyrochelle @spaf He can’t be GOOD at it or anything. It’s not manly to be good at applying makeup. That’s how you know how manly he is, by being bad at something that GIRLS do.
…it’s so exhausting to think like that.
TheFwGuy 🇪🇺🇮🇹🇺🇸🖖@spaf Sir Richard Francis Burton (the explorer, not the actor) had syphilis. Then he contracted malaria, and the high fever killed off the syphilis. Off-topic, but I found it interested and have an OCD need to share. ;)
Andy Linton 🇮🇪 
✅@agreeable_landfall @spaf More off-topic but what the hell.
felis_catus@spaf ..after he fucks a goat..
c'mon lets, keep this narrative rolling, just like JD does.. one sentence at a time.
Shadow Heart@spaf so when he says the couch gave him crabs, we know it was bedbugs.
Lisa J. Warner / Lisa Luv@spaf
clap, clap.
clap, clap.
HTTP 1.1/418 Old Teapot Typewriter Font
CaveDave@spaf I thought he fucked a couch not a koala
Ariaflame@engravecavedave @spaf No no no, Koalas don't have syphilis, they have chlamydia.
@ariaflame @spaf ah, thank you for the clarification. Can't believe JD Vance also has chlamydia
John Mastodon@spaf He was too young to die
floydgump@spaf They have to make crap up when you are morally and mentally crippled by the corruption of wealth.
europlus 
We need a hasjdvance.com style website with some answers to hard questions, like…
Q: Has JD Vance been cured of syphilis yet?
A: No.
(Only wrong if he has had it and been cured, and the website would happily update the answer in that case)
Q: Has JD Vance ever eaten a pet dog or cat?
A: There is no evidence he has not.
Q: Was JD Vance found not guilty of murder in 2002?
A: No.
XenoPhage 
afx@spaf
“He doesn’t like Tom Hanks.
He cut off Van Gogh’s ear.
Told Hitler to quit painting,
And to find a new career.
He masturbates to Schindler’s List.
Old Yeller makes him hard.
He was Cosby’s drug supplier,
And Epstein’s prison guard!”
~ “Eat Shit, Bob”, Last Week Tonight with John Oliver, highlighting the value of using protected speech to make fun of weirdos.
@spaf
“Hey, Bob, this as bad as you feared?
It doesn’t count as slander!
‘Cause it’s way too weird!
We made up these anecdotes,
They’re silly and insane.
We could go on, and on, and on,
And on, and on, and on, and on,
But we will stop this song because we may have fried your brain so,
EAT!
SHIT!
BOB!”
~ As long as you discuss someone in a way no reasonable person would construe as factual, you can say whatever the fuck you want! #JohnOliver
@spaf Guess he picked it up from a side cushion. 🥴
Baron Von J@spaf But chlouchmydia was right there!
Kimota94@spaf I also believe if we all create stories about his molestation of children then that will help raise awareness about the scourge of pedophilia.
Joe Hill 🇵🇸🇺🇦@spaf
Syphillis he got from the “Black Nazi” no less.
Syphillis he got from the “Black Nazi” no less.
Ben Ramsey@spaf @stevegrunwell If we have to make up stories so that the American media actually pays attention to syphilis, that’s what we’ll do.
donkey
RejZoR@spaf There's not many things that are as uncanny valley territory as he is.
RalfSo I guess all those couch fucking stories were right?