Ricki Yasha TarrImagine if Jesus came back, what would Republicans tell him to do to change his image?
This is just for some laughs, please don't start a debate about whether Jesus is real in the comments, it's boring and not the point.
Pusher of Pixels"Have you tried a double breasted suit? Image matters my friend"
Matthew 
@RickiTarr Gender criticals would be yaping at him for wearing a dress
@matty Is Jesus Trans?! I can just see the headline
MikeKGet your hair cut son.
Allen Michie@RickiTarr Cast the first stone. Hard. And don’t apologize.
2xfoI was gonna say, "hey Jesus, it would really help us out if you could murder some dogs, you know?"
Estarriol, Terrorist Dragon@RickiTarr they would tell the hippy to dress properly, get a shave and put some shoes on.
Tired Sponge@RickiTarr Cut his hair. Stop giving out free healthcare.
((Jann Gobble)) 🏳️🌈@retrosponge @RickiTarr ...and food shouldn't be given to the needy. Stop it with the shoals of fish thing, m'kay?
Oh, and the right side of the boat to get more fish trick? Nix that! One per customer!
GayDeceiver“You need to learn to speak good American English. Lose the accent, we’re getting you a speech coach. You’re looking a bit on the thin side, we’re getting you a personal trainer. We definitely need to work on that overall tan, we have a couple of really good dermatologists for that. Oh yeah, the social justice schtick won’t cut it anymore. We have a brain trust that will rebrand you as a Man of the People, the Savior of the Masses, the Helper of the Needy.”
Doctor LURK@RickiTarr "you could at least learn to talk American good if you're gonna stay here" (also applies even if Jesus appears somewhere outside the Anglosphere)
RHSJack@doctorLURK @RickiTarr (sorry. but as an English teacher I couldnt let it slide. speak American good, not talk American good. One is verb and the other is not.)
for a day, while . . . 🗽Jeez, start wearing socks with those sandals, why dont'cha.
Goopadrew@cgsines @RickiTarr Jeez being short for "Jesus" makes this so much better
GreenSkyOverMe (Monika)@RickiTarr Use whitening lotion
Parade du Grotesque 💀Whaddaya mean, you give food to homeless people? Dantcha know that's illegal in these parts?
@ParadeGrotesque Wait, you're homeless, okay, that's illegal, so...
Mike@RickiTarr Put the moneychangers back in the temples, stop being woke
Bill Hooker@RickiTarr They wouldn't tell him anything, they'd kill him outright. Just like they did last time.
Dr.Ubertrout@RickiTarr
Would they even talk to him?
Would they even talk to him?
@Dr_Ubertrout Probably not, he's a dirty hippie
@RickiTarr
With commie ideals.
With commie ideals.
Patrick Johanneson 🚀 🇨🇦@RickiTarr @Dr_Ubertrout a dirty non-white hippy
Ewww... Another dirty hippy...
RRB@rrb I'ma die lol wow
Why does Swole Zombie Jesus remind me of Keanu Reeves?
Wendroid 🇺🇦@RickiTarr @wendinoakland @rrb
Dude is jacked, I shoulda been a carpenter.
cindyyusa@cindyyusa @rrb Jesus just heals them when he's ready lol
HilaryOk, I take it all back. There IS a use for generative AI.
Nick@RickiTarr “Listen JC, we need to cut all this shit out about the meek inheriting the Earth, blessed are the merciful, yadda yadda yadda. That’s about the most un-American crap I’ve ever heard in my life. Try that shit in Alabama and they’ll nail you up again, and frankly, I’ll help them.”
KevinFlynn 
@RickiTarr
Flag pin
Flag pin
BoneHouseWasps🔶🇬🇧🇪🇺
Kim Possible 
@RickiTarr The first thing people would do is tell him that those Beatitudes sound "weak." Then ask him why he's so "Middle-Eastern" looking.
Hedgewizard 🐈
DeterioratedStucco@RickiTarr
Don't be so Middle Eastern.
If you must be Middle Eastern, have the decency to hate other Middle Easterners.
@SoftwareTheron I'm just imagining how hard they'd be sucking air through their teeth
@RickiTarr
Especially the long pointy ones.
Especially the long pointy ones.
Enoch@RickiTarr 😂 “nooooooo, no no no no. You gotta curb that money to the poor bullshit right now. We hate the poor and so do you now”
@Utah44 @RickiTarr Whoa. What's with the talk? Here. I'll give the kid a special coin. It's green even though fresh ones are copper. And moldy. But it's Roman and that means the gods are smiling on you or something.
ADHDeanASL@RickiTarr Less “turn the other cheek,” more” ploughshares into swords.”
Jon Lasser is Hanging in there@disappearinjon Open Carry Jesus was the name of my band in college. @RickiTarr
David@RickiTarr "This cheeseburger is my body. Eat this in remembrance of me. This ice-cold Pepsi Max...."
GJ Groothedde 🇪🇺@RickiTarr Ummm... don't wear the white. It shows off your... Wait!...what's with the skin tone, dude!?
Chris Dudley@RickiTarr Back to the cross, kid.
@RickiTarr You're gonna get that temple mount thing back for us, right?
@RickiTarr They’d start off by making him white.
Laffy@RickiTarr Total points for this: "This is just for some laughs, please don't start a debate about whether Jesus is real in the comments, it's boring and not the point."
@jgobble @RickiTarr it should be my pinned toot. I swear, every time I post something, it veers off immediately into endless debates about irrelevant points.
@GottaLaff @RickiTarr (I'm probably one of those who pull your posts off-topic... sorry. 🤷♂️)
@jgobble Lol, it's okay. The only reason I get annoyed is the infighting... and also the replies overwhelming my feed about something I didn't even raise. @RickiTarr
@GottaLaff @jgobble It is one of the things I just accept about Mastodon, I just don't want people to fight lol