This week in D&D we:
- found out what we had thrown rocks at
- negotiated a mulligan for our first ever 'killed outright' character (a wizard / old lady whose first instinct was to go melee)
- tore through all our healing potions
- eventually killed 2 to 3 slimes
- discovered there were no cheese sandwiches left
- gave the stink-eye to some orcs
- reached the heady heights of... level 2!
This week in D&D we:
- joined the discord from a bus *
- had a big refreshing sleep
- checked in on a windmill
- ordered cheese(?) sandwiches(?) in broken gnomish
- did a flip and potentially a wall run
- robot-crab whispered
- Hid behind an employee
* not all of us
This week in D&D we:
- had sinusitis *
- irritated our way past the guards
- stabbed a rug up real good
- rescued a gnome
- investigated the same gnome’s brutal murder
- held a thing
- brainstormed a ‘sanity gun’
- received a royal commission
- fired arrows at random objects
- found a mimic (see above)
* not all of us
This week in D&D we:
- nearly got eaten by a mimic
- killed it just in time
- were rewarded with magic items (some suspiciously similar to the ones from the 80s cartoon)
- FINALLY got some sandwiches
- fought rats in a windmill
- saw a shadowy figure
- snuck up a hill
- talked to some orcs
- began the arduous process of planning how to get a in a fight with said orcs (TBC)
This week in D&D we:
- killed all zombies
- named Grease as party MVP
- took a short rest around a burning bear
- attempted a wallrun over running water (x2)
- fell in running water (x2)
- found the mushrooms we forgot we were looking for
- burned down a(nother) door
- reached level 3! (It's swashbuckling time)
- chose the way of the gun
- asked around town
- planned some downtime
Next week in D&D:
- Lasers and Feelings!
This week in... Lasers and Feelings we:
- Reintroduced Dr. Shakamoto
- Built a Discord bot
- had a lot of feelings
- took a lot of missile fire
- investigated a temporal anomaly
- saved / scared a scientist and his beautiful daughter
- made a plan
- made a documentary
- carried out a plan
- won (if such a thing exists)
- ate some sausages and drunk some beer (hopefully)
Next week in Lasers and Feelings:
- D&D!
This week in D&D (also last week cause I forgot at the time) we:
- cased the joint / slept in a bush
- started doing up our ride
- got a mysterious note
- investigated a manor
- did some renovations with Thunder Wave
- snuck up on a big creature in a tunnel
- left the session on a cliffhanger (would 'Operation We All Shoot It At The Same Time' be a success?)
- it was
- turns out it was a basilisk
- riled some leeches
- obtained more cheese
- found a big key
- GREEEEEASE
- opened a big lock
- wandered into a room full of corpses, which promptly got up
- rolled initiative
Next week in D&D: TPK(?)
This week in D&D we:
- spent a ki to disengage with 5 zombies
- wondered why they kept getting back up
- observed once more that the wizard is not a good choice of tank
- invoked a walking flamethrower
- did a trick shot
- eventually put down the Zombie That Would Not Die
- found that someone else had already cleared the place out
- scored a tasteful storage solution
- obtained a well-appointed underground base
- decided to go for a pint
Next week on D&D: we bully the mayor!
This week in D&D we:
- bullied the mayor! (20gp)
- carried a basilisk head around
- went to the pub
- met a wee dragon man
- got some gamblers drunk
- did some gambling (successfully)
- Sold some basilisk glands (10gp)
- Finally got to midnight (when one of us had to meet someone behind the pub for 'information on their lineage... alone')
- Set up a panic word for our stones of sending
- (cheese sandwich)
- Used the panic word
- Panicked
- Ran out screaming the panic word, waking up 20% of our party
- Ambushed an ambush
- Realised the ambush was local dickheads
- Neutralised 2 of 3 dickheads without incident
Next week in D&D: interrogate two dickheads!
This week in D&D we:
- split the party (last time in D&D)
- took some dickheads to the (other) pub
- (meanwhile) heard the front door open
- (meanwhile) interrogated some dickheads
- (meanwhile) snuck downstairs to investigate
- (meanwhile) knocked out a dickhead, encouraged the other
- (meanwhile) met two black-eyed grey-skinned dwarves in a bedroom
- (meanwhile) ordered another round, and found out a bald man with an unseeable face had paidto mess with us
- (meanwhile) rolled initiative
- (meanwhile) bribed the landlady with a sandwich (unsuccessful) and then gold (successful)
- (meanwhile) barely made a dent, and do those dwarves look bigger than they did before..?
- (meanwhile) attempted to leave the pub gracefully (unsuccessful)
- (meanwhile) attempted to flee the house (successful)
- (meanwhile) wandered back
- (meanwhile) screamed for help
- Reunited the party
- Followed some normal-sized dwarf tracks (unsuccessful)
- Went to bed
Next week in D&D: an ox named Vincent!
This week in D&D we:
- set out on a journey with an ox named Vincent
- rolled some 1s (in a good way)
- fed some grubby dwarves (-5 rations)
- navigated the woods
- saw a weird stone, and left it alone
- realised we'd been swindled (but we had backup wine so no harm, no foul)
- glamped
- got to the logging camp (where we need a signature)
- sent the rogue on ahead
- our Close Combat Wizard also went on ahead
- oh no
- fought a giant ant-mantis creature
- just about managed that
Next week on D&D: signature! (?)
This week in D&D we:
- came up with like, six plans
- implemented all of them
- dealt with a tremors type situation
- rolled a barrel
- did a critical hit that upset the DM
- beat a big ant monster to death
- met the mayor's brother (and bullied him)
- ADDITIONAL BIG ANT MONSTER
- failed to shoot through a window
- got that god damn signature
- left the way we came
- suddenly: medium dragon!
Next week on D&D: medium dragon!
This week in D&D we:
- attacked a medium dragon, who may or may not have noticed
- attempted to hide (unsuccessfully)
- stayed in character
- rescued Vincent the Ox (aka Dragonsbane)
- got carried away
- regretted our choices
- hit every branch on the way down
- slept
- debated the relative merits of invincible bandits / vincible orcs
- gained a reputation for huddles
- left a baffling message
- set out for adventure
- rolled a 6 (in a bad way)
Next time on D&D: nothing good, probably
This week in D&D we:
- found a clearing of Orcsicles
- explosively punched a wolf
- found the place
- made a plan
- split into teams (team quiet and team loud)
- came up with 'The Stealth Song'
- failed our stealth rolls and got spotted (team quiet)
- aced our stealth rolls (team loud)
- failed to open a door
- climbed some walls
- opened a door (loudly)
- [all hell breaks loose]
- SUDDENLY, RATS
- did some damage but left things largely unresolved
Next time on D&D: resolution!
This week in D&D we:
- verified that the multiple sources who had described 'invincible bandits' had been correct
- critically failed anyway
- did some damage, saw it heal
- parlayed (with literature)
- found out the bandits were displaced from their homes
- suggested an alternative solution
- met Rupert, who we know from small times
- left on good terms
- took Rupert to the good pub
- went on to the bad pub
- took part in The Punching Game (we all won / lost)
- negotiated a mining co-op wherein local workers own the means of production
- had our best resolution to a fight ever (see above)
- levelled up (using the power of communism) – level 4!
Next time on D&D: orcs, probably
This week in D&D we:
- did some shopping
- stashed some gold
- discussed our next adventure
- hiked weast
- went to the pub
- met a sailor who didn't give a shit about the sea
- went to a shit town
- met the victims of our (second-hand) crimes
- left a shit town
- okay back to this lighthouse right
- met a polite crab who outranked us
- also met a ghost
- also met some harpies (roll initiative)
Next week: lighthouse!
This week in D&D we:
- found the harpies extremely charming
- failed to (acrobatically) climb a cliff
- veered wildly between 1s and 20s
- reached the lighthouse
- posed as window cleaners (I think they bought it)
- demanded to see the manager
- shot first
- didn't notice those orcs
- stood in a line, and suffered the consequences
- got a lucky shot in
- did a surprising number of heals
- found a conch shell for a ghost
Next week: do we own a lighthouse now?
This week in D&D we:
- debated whether this was a spiral staircase or not
- went up the spiral staircase
- got blinded by the light
- wrapped an evil heart in furs, remotely
- resolved a ghost's unfinished business
- received a magic oar from a big friendly crab
- did SCIENCE (from a pocket dimension)
- pressed the Long Rest button for the first time
- gained lightning powers! Accidentally! Doing a spot of DIY!
Next week: grease? lightning?
This week in D&D we:
- somehow tore ourselves away from the empty lighthouse
- went back to the half-built town who may or may not have said they would pay us
- found out they felt themselves on the 'may not' side of that particular equation
- ate a number of fish
- spoke to The Council, a supergroup of People Who Were Already Sick of Us
- BOAT TRIP
- didn't fight a big eel
- did a vibe check in the pub, and found it lacking
- broke a window / checked on Seamus
- ran Good Cop, Bad Cop, Old Lady Cop
- threw a dagger dramatically
- tried to avoid doing a war crime
- rolled initiative
Next week: Honey Heist??
This week in Honey Heist we:
- put together a crew for one last job (Grylls, Harry Bearenstein, and Baddington)
- mauled some weirdly bear-sized VIPs and stole their VIP passes (and clothes / wallets)
- cased the dance competition (grand prize: a briefcase full of rare Manuka honey)
- bought out a stall of honey as a distraction to steal the stallholder's van
- won a Vespa in a test-your-strength competition
- set fire to a bamboo maze with honey tequila
- executed the heist plan (climb a crane, smash the glass box containing the briefcase, jump a vespa off a ramp over the lake to catch it just in time)
- rolled improbable / perfect failures (caught the briefcase, missed the bear, and got double-crossed without noticing)
- realised the briefcase was a decoy
- navigated a maze (bear-style, by ignoring the burning hedges and smashing straight to the middle)
- drove a vespa and a bear into our nemesis
- escaped in a fire engine with allll the honey
Next week in D&D: flashbacks??
This week in D&D we:
- readjusted to the new/old non-bear normal
- (continued to) split the party
- demanded to see the manager (and then set him on fire)
- fought pirates; seagulls (Team Fight Team)
- ate, drank, and appreciated Bardak (Team Pub Team)
- debated the correct nomenclature for a Murderhobo who owns an increasing amount of real estate
- attempted to charter a boat that was fleeing from us
- took a running leap
- scared off a shipful of pirates (AND/OR: negotiated the return of a barrel of rum and then jumped in the sea with it)
- liberated Real Seamus
- had a short holiday
- flashed back to a smoky tavern (from the same smoky tavern)
- chartered a ship that *wasn't* fleeing from us
- set sail for (more) adventure!
Next week o̶n̷ ̵C̶a̸l̸̝̚ĺ̴͕ ̴̲͂o̸̼͝f̸̰̒ ̷͙̉C̶̳͘t̸̛̬͈h̷̼́̀u̷̢͌̚l̶̮͂̏h̸͉͙͊̚ũ̸̯̥:̷̺͝ ̸̹̺̚i̸̭̅̈ṅ̶̢̯̄d̶̡̺̤̉e̸̪͚̙̅s̵̼͍͊c̵̫͌̾͠r̸̢̅̐i̷̧͓̹͑̒͠͝b̶̢͖̣̤̈͝á̶͉̳b̷̯͍͔̅ľ̶̬̭̺è̷̢͉͇̹̖̽̋͐͝ ̴̧̾̌͐t̸̡̯̹̽h̴̥͙̍̿̔͝ì̷͎̝̘̻̠̍n̴̢͕̼̣̔͝g̵̘̈́̿͗s̵̢̭̭̪͐̏̔̎̚
This week (+ the last two, I was tired) in Call of Cthulhu, we:
- escaped a sinking boat (not our fault)
- escaped a sinking boat (our fault)
- found a lighthouse
- acquired towels, booze
- found comfy chairs, weird art, and a bloodstained kitchen (sanity -1)
- got some free golden coins, definitely not cursed
- investigated a multiple murder (sanity loss for everyone!)
- sketched some very dead fish persons
- dissected a very dead fish person so badly we ended up with mince (for science)
- were interrupted by a power cut and flappy-sounding intruders
- escaped the house, investigated some sheds
- tooled up
- attempted to find a boat, but found only fish people
- developed a taste for fishman venom
- retreated, firing wildly
- managed to kill our pursuers through a series of unlikely rolls
- hid in a shed
- invented the molotov cocktail (aka Anatole's Flaming Bastard in this timeline) a decade early
- left on a boat!
Next week: DM is on holiday! (D&D the week after)
Last week in D&D (I forgot? Apparently?) we:
- were on a boat motherfuckers don't you ever forget
- fought some merfolk
- fell in
- rescued several Gavins – sadly, several more perished
- accelerated the ship to ramming speed
- failed to ram a merman
- arrived in Neverwinter, the one place we all started out trying not to be
- found a pub that used to be a boat
- tried to get The Punching Game going (no takers)
- met an old 'friend'
- played cards (badly)
- agreed to some _very mild_ human trafficking
- were heavily advised not to go into the city- got back on the boat
Next / this week: Lasers and Feelings!
This week in Lasers and Feelings we:
- saw the return of Dr. Shakamoto(!)
- were joined by Ni Ge'lfarage (a gammon-coloured alien envoy) and Brian Xeno (the human-raised Xenomorph security officer)
- investigated one Ensign Brafford, infected with an aggressive alien fungus
- rolled 3 sixes off the bat – the best result possible in most D6-based games, but in this case oh boy
- may have injected the patient with petrol
- investigated the crew deck and met a handcuffed fungus monster
- checked out the Deck 27 holodeck program
- failed to escape the holodeck / smashed it up
- smelled a crew member up real good
- got a lot of genders wrong, I guess
- found out Deck 27 doesn't exist
- Decks 26 and 28 do though?
- WENT IN THE VENTS
- Constructed a Quake-style nail gun for Shakamotos' medicine (petrol) syringes
- double-hand punched some fungal zombies
- found the fungus eye, if such a thing exists
- won(?)
Next week on D&D: going back on a boat I guess?
This week in D&D we:
- made sure our dubious cargo was secure (and fed)
- had a surprisingly uneventful journey back down the Sword Coast
- let our new friend Karl out of his crate
- decided he was (comparatively) trustworthy and relocated to the pub to hear his tale of woe
- spent the night in "The Rusty Seamus" (recently rebranded)
- travelled back to the town we had decided would reward us for... something?
- got into real estate
- decided we were going to build a tavern (initial name pitches: "The Brafford Arms", "The Medium Dragon")
- left Karl to oversee the above
- felt like we hadn't had a fight in a bit, took the cross-country route home
- immediately regretted it
- chased a pig in the night
- got Clever Girl'd by three more pigs
- hit a pig with enough damage to take down a small dragon; it didn't seem that fussed and retaliated with a blast of concussive force
- started to wonder if these were normal pigs
Next week on D&D: are they normal pigs though
This week in D&D we:
- continued to grapple a pig
- killed a different pig, who promptly turned back into a person...
- ... and was immediately revived by what we can only assume was some kind of pig cleric...
- ... and who then nearly killed half the party with a huge lightning bolt
- got our monk knocked out by a magic pig
-killed the half-orc-formerly-known-as-pig, again
- did the ultimate level 1 spell
- dealt with the rest of the pigs (also people)
- went home, finally
- dropped the giant evil heart (that we'd been carrying around since May) into our vault
- went to the good pub
- gambled at cards and won
- gambled at chess and won
- heard tell of our heroic deeds, unfortunately we haven't done them yet
- went to the bad pub
- played a round of the punching game (it went badly, for everyone)
- had a well-deserved long rest
- went to the town hall to tackle some misinformation
- convinced the mayor to return to public life
Next week on D&D: Showdown at Butter Skull Farm!
This week in D&D (missed a bunch, was very tired, move on) we:
- woke up from a strange dream about space orcs on a giant trash rocket
- recalled that our wizard had told a dragon to fuck off (successfully)
- gambled poorly, broke even
- made a really good cheese roll (in several contexts)
- decided to go fight some orcs at a castle
- got a letter, telling us about a magic sword in a haunted barrow
- decided to go find a magic sword
- failed an insight check (probably fine)
- read through every cantrip in the rules
- used a magic hat
- moved some earth
- followed a light
- had to fight it
- met a skeleton horse
Next week on D&D: befriending (?) a skeleton horse!
This week in D&D we:
- befriended a skeleton horse!
- had a flashback involving apples
- spent 10 minutes brainstorming names for the horse
- welcomed Mr Dead to the party
- forgot to check for traps, like, one time
- got buried in earth (and then dug out)
- tomb raided
- found a nice lute (for when we get a bard, presumably)
- found the magic sword, on a perfectly safe-looking dragon skeleton
- WIZARD HEIST
- watched the wizard disappear into the distance with the dragon-killing sword
- uh oh
- got one-shot KO'd by... something?
- paddled a spark
Next week on D&D: someone dies! I guess that's how we get the bard
This week in D&D we:
- realised actually that was an invisible monster, cool, cool
- manoeuvred
- managed to coax the wizard back
- did spells, stabbing, magic paddle, you know the drill
- threw ink on the invisible thing, to great effect
- finally got our money's worth from our mercenary cleric
- poked a ghost with an extendable rod, to great effect
- set up a trap based on Alien 3
- totally failed at the above
- finally stabbed a ghost to death
- encouraged a skeleton horse up some tiny stairs
- realised it was night time and we should probably camp in the tomb
- encouraged a skeleton horse down some tiny stairs
- reached level 5, which was less of a wet fart than we previously thought
- went to the pub, and bought the cleric those fancy drinks he likes
- met a dwarf from a dream, except he wasn't? Also nobody can remember his face
- discussed our next move before heading home
Next week in D&D: library trip! Time to get Level Five on some BOOKS
This week in D&D we:
- didn't read a single fucking book
- were railroaded into dinner
- played cards and asked questions we may or may not have already asked
- welcomed back a beloved NPC who was here to get to the bottom of our constant and bewildering missives to him
- shouted 'CHAIR' at a chair
- investigated a stronghold
- shrunk the rogue
- failed to turn a rusty crank
- smelled some bad smells
- did a crit sneak attack on the first thing that moved
- prepared for whatever's coming down those stairs
Next week in D&D: whatever's coming down those stairs!
This week in D&D we:
- hid in the fireplace from whatever was coming down the stairs
- found out that they were also coming down the chimney
- panicked a little
- threw a fireball in a very small room, with great effect and surprisingly little collateral damage
- mopped up and pressed on
- met a ghost who told us to fuck off
- asked if we could help with any unfinished business
- had to revive 3/5 of the party, that'll be a no I guess
- kicked down a ghost's bedroom door
- whiffed with the magic sword we found
- paddled / bonfires / sneak attacked a rude ghost into oblivion
Next week in D&D: SHORT REST
This week in D&D we:
- HA! Long rest
- picked a lock shut
- picked the same lock open
- investigated a fireplace cause they can't all have monsters in
- got jumped by fireplace monsters
- fireball centred on [party member]
- developed a phobia of fireplaces (and the party's wizard)
- redug a corridor
- tried to teach stealth to our skeleton horse
- found a big spider web
- put a bonfire in the middle of it
- fought some bear-sized spiders
- fireball centred on [party member]
- realised that isn't going to solve everything
- hid (repeatedly)
- made eye contact with the cleric as he failed to remove the restraining webs
- GREASE (ceiling edition)
- killed a bunch of spiders
Next week on D&D: honestly there wasn't much foreshadowing, I guess just explore the rest of this dwarf fortress
@andi ceiling grease should have been a winner, v disappointing.
Thinking back I reckon its only combat success was making one orc fall over one time.
semibad
Jim The Ess Jee
Gavin Logan
Piers Cawley