Mastodawn

@BethanyBlack @PublicChaffinch @doot this is dedicated to you, darlings x https://anotherangrywoman.com/2023/01/18/how-to-give-advice-on-the-internet-without-being-an-utter-menace/

How to give advice on the internet without being an utter menace

If you don’t think you need to read this post because you’re always giving Good, Helpful Advice as a Good, Helpful Citizen, this one is for you. I’m sure you probably mean well, b…

Another angry woman

All of the anecdotes are based on true stories. I don't think a day has gone by where I haven't witnessed the Ubuntu one on here. Seeing my 150th Ubuntu guy this morning was what triggered so much rage I just had to bang that post out now.

(it wasn't even directly at me, it usually isn't but oh dear lord please don't be that person)

Cassandra Jan 18, 2023

To help distinguish between actual questions and rhetorical questions, I've started punctuating the latter with a period.

And yet I still sometimes get a comment that assumes the issue is I'm lacking some incredibly basic information. 🙃

@Cassandra it genuinely amazes me how many people ignore the presence or absence of a question mark

Cassandra Jan 18, 2023

@stavvers Why do they make us learn their rules if they're not even going to apply them.

infinite_loopy Jan 18, 2023

@stavvers I can still recall a time on the birbsite when a CISO made a comment about the vast majority of corporate servers being Windows-based and one of those Linux reply guys tried to make it into a "Linux rulez Windoze droolz" moments. I give the guy credit for making himself one of the most blocked accounts in IT in a matter of hours.

Angela Glansbury 🚽Jan 18, 2023

@stavvers
Excellent post

@floppyplopper pinning it forever so I can tap the sign lmao

stop charnel 2025 Jan 18, 2023

@stavvers the 'just use ubuntu' one is absolutely endemic to a particular sort of Guy on here, and an incredibly aggressive and annoying response. I remember pre-stack overflow asking for advice on how to do something and getting my first ever 'you don't want to do that. do this instead' and I remain infuriated about it 25 years later

@basic_charnel hahaha I literally saw a "just use Ubuntu" in the wild about five minutes before being compelled to write that, and you're right it is SO endemic

Oli Jan 18, 2023

@stavvers i have been guilty on ocassions of misunderstanding a comment and misinterpreting it as a request for info and have apologised for it

I will remember clippy (and their tribute towely) and try to be better

Never corrected anyone grammar/spelling though - to me its a really sneery, belittling, and just nasty way engage
Its tone-policing and elitism all in one

@OliverNoble hopefully the post is helpful in avoiding making that mistake/misinterpretation again, I tried my hardest to be clear about what signals a request for help!

Oli Jan 18, 2023

@stavvers its really well written and clear, thank you

woodsiegirl Jan 18, 2023

@stavvers This is so great. And I fully intend to use that clippy image on my next reply guy 😁

xanna Jan 18, 2023

@stavvers thank you, thank you, thank you

Officially-JoanneC Jan 18, 2023

Perhaps I need to take a step back and have a long look in the mirror.😟

KLB Jan 18, 2023

@stavvers aaaaahhhh this is awesome! And funny too.

David Hoeffer Jan 18, 2023

@stavvers speaking as someone who sometimes worries about being a reply guy: thanks for writing this!

KLB Jan 18, 2023

@stavvers harissa and Ubuntu. Magic.

@KLB literally based on true stories, alas

Sune Auken Jan 18, 2023

This is very good, thank you.

Aliceonboard Jan 18, 2023

@stavvers I'm so guilty of this, I used to validate myself by being "a helper" and I really must have been insufferable. Sorry universe!

Sue Jan 18, 2023

@stavvers
This is awesome! The Clippy reference is spot on. Running off to share it now. And as I read it, I realized, though I'm not the reply guy on line, when I have time to measure my responses, I have some tendencies in real life, so thanks for that too.

Leslie Domler Jan 18, 2023

@stavvers thank you, thank you! I just shared this.

eribosot Jan 18, 2023

@stavvers There's some irony in the fact that while your point is well made and completely valid, it is itself, by necessity, unsolicited advice (though not in response to anyone).

@eribosot this is addressed in the post.

eribosot Jan 18, 2023

@stavvers So it is. My bad.

Sterling Jan 18, 2023

@stavvers
Well thought out and well written.
Great decision points given.
Worth reading and taking to heart .
I try not to offer unsolicited advice, but need to "try harder".
I thought the "clippy" example was brilliant.
I could go on ...but...😁

@AG100pct "I will take this advice on board" is always welcome haha

Terence Eden Jan 18, 2023

@stavvers
I am going to send that to soooooooo many people! Thank you.

Mirre

Jan 18, 2023

@stavvers any person who responds to someone with a tech issue by telling them to switch OS is essentially asking to be blocked imo. I used to struggle a lot to find help for any issues with my macbook because of how common it is for guys to tell you to “just dont use apple”.

BLUR Jan 18, 2023

@stavvers This is wonderfully written, thank you. Definitely bookmarking for people who might need to read it. XD

narpoleptic Jan 18, 2023

@stavvers i really like this XKCD strip as a response to grammar or typo replyguys https://xkcd.com/1576/

I Could Care Less

xkcd

sabik Jul 5, 2023

@narpoleptic @stavvers
The Alot is good too
https://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/04/alot-is-better-than-you-at-everything.html

The Alot is Better Than You at Everything

As a grammatically conscientious person who frequents internet forums and YouTube, I have found it necessary to develop a few coping mechani...

Liz Ellis She/Her🌳Jan 18, 2023

@stavvers fuck. I feel judged

Brian Miller Jan 18, 2023

@stavvers this is amazing. Thank you for doing it.

yin yang yoink Jan 18, 2023

@stavvers link is down for me (hug of death? Is masto that big now?) 😕

@oreolek suspect it might be, looks like it's working again though!

Meryl Krieger Jan 18, 2023

@stavvers This is hilarious. And oh so very very true.

RickRussell_CA Jan 18, 2023

Niamh Garvey Jan 18, 2023

@stavvers I am now extremely paranoid that I might be someone who gives unsolicited advice.

Another thing to add to my #ActuallyAutistic social media user paranoia.

Social media is exhausting.

Sue Jan 18, 2023

@niamhgarvey @stavvers
just my opinion, but I think if you in good faith put out unsolicited advice you truly thought was relevant, reasonable people will understand, because we all do that. If you are someone who would answer really unhelpfully (switch your OS, for example), then if reading this helps you think that through, it could be helpful feedback. Social media sucks for everyone, but FWIW, I'm so awkward in real life that I do better on social, where I can think before I speak.

Niamh Garvey Jan 18, 2023

@SueShannon @stavvers ah i see. This really helps.

Am I?Jan 18, 2023

🔄
Love the reply-guy mansplaining vibe this article has 😃

Aoife Jan 18, 2023

@stavvers
Me in parenting group: asks about a small detail of public health service’s weaning advice that seems illogical, does not mention what weaning methods I’m using if any
The replies: Well, I did baby-led weaning, which is better and easier and you should do instead, so I don’t know

Real “use Ubuntu” vibes, thx.

Another Angry Woman Jan 19, 2023

@janey_mac while I've never had direct personal experience with parenting groups, I hear they're *swarming* with this crap

Aoife Jan 19, 2023

@stavvers I’ve had unsolicited baby-led weaning evangelism on my own FB feed I made a joke about the baby wanting to start weaning on my ice cream, from people I actually know and could murder in person

Alexandra Lanes Jan 18, 2023

@stavvers As soon as you've read this post you can't help but see the patterns everywhere.

Michael Jan 18, 2023

@stavvers Thank you for this. Even though I often write “Thank you for that unsolicited advice” and “Let me Google that for you”, I’m sure I’ve unintentionally done some mansplainin’ and offered unsolicited advice myself. Thanks to your article, I’m more aware and determined to do better.

Mick Jan 18, 2023

@stavvers But I thought Clippy was great.....

Evannakita Jan 18, 2023

@stavvers This is a really good article! I was actually tempted to leave a reply starting like “okay but if you actually want to get through to these folks, what you should do is” but even typing that as satire just felt wrong. I don’t want to increase the number of times you’ve had to see replies that start like this, even if it would’ve ended with a joke payoff.

Dan Keck Jan 18, 2023

@stavvers Maybe schools should take a break from history or algebra for one day, and teach the difference between someone who is looking for sympathy and someone who is looking for solutions.

Cullen Jan 18, 2023

@stavvers I don't doubt for a moment that I've been a reply guy from time to time but in my defence most of my unwanted advice / answers will be down to my difficulty with understanding tone and an almost pathological need to over-explain. I'm doing that now and this is probably an unwanted (and overly long) reply. /hj

I will try to do better.

Phil Jan 18, 2023

@stavvers I remember when I had totally "bricked" an expensive phone and asked if there was an easy way to solve this.
Someone replied with a post that involved dismantling the phone and touching a piece of metal across two microscopic pins whilst powering on the phone.
I really would prefer the answer "I'm afraid not", even given the infuriating cost of destroying a phone.
I can only assume some people don't have the insight to realise what's easy for them might not be for everyone.

Linebyline→mastoart.social Jan 18, 2023

@stavvers Didn't make it three paragraphs into the post before I started feeling it deep in my soul.

I mean, Clippy nostalgia. (He'll always be Clippit to me, though.)

More to the point, I love following artists and commenting on their work, and for a long time I felt like, if I couldn't find some bit of constructive critique to offer, I wasn't being helpful. (Finally learned to be specific about what I liked instead.) Maybe not quite the same as a reply guy, but same flavor of annoying.

Mirre

Jan 19, 2023

@linebyline @stavvers as an artist i am begging you to not give out unasked feedback on artworks if the artist isn’t explicitly asking for it. It is very commonly disliked.

Jude🇵🇸Jan 18, 2023

@stavvers Absolute eye-opener. @LifeTimeCooking