Being a Single Dad. Part 6.
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Being a Single Dad. Part 6.

So we have reached the end of this series. Five parts about being a single dad and I have not run out of things to say. But this last one is probably the most important.

Here is the conclusion nobody talks about enough.

It is easier to be a single, stable parent than to stay stuck in a toxic, angry, unhappy relationship for the sake of the kids. Full stop.

I have heard it a hundred times. “We are staying together for the children.” That sounds noble. It is not. Kids are not stupid. They feel the tension at dinner. They hear the arguments through the walls. They watch two people who resent each other pretend everything is fine. And they learn from it. Not the lesson you think you are teaching them. The lesson they actually take away is that this is what relationships look like.

That is a terrible lesson.

When I became a single dad, the house got quieter. Not in a sad way. In a relief way. The arguments stopped. The walking on eggshells stopped. The kids exhaled. I exhaled. We all did.

Being a Single Parent Is Not the Hard Part

People assume single parenting is brutal. Some days it is. But staying in a broken relationship to avoid single parenting? That is brutal every single day with no end in sight.

Being a single mom or dad is not easy. I am not going to tell you it is. But it is not as hard as people make it out to be either. You adapt. You find your rhythm. You build something that works. And the biggest thing you gain is peace. Real peace. Not the fake peace of two people in the same house who have nothing left to say to each other.

I covered the cooking, the laundry, the school runs, the homework, the guitar lessons, the karate, the vet bills and the mortgage. All of it, on my own. And I still had time to watch movies with the kids on Friday nights and take them away on weekends. If you haven’t read how we actually made it work, start with Part 1 of this series.

Two Happy Individuals Are Better Than One Miserable Couple

This is the part nobody wants to say out loud so I will say it.

Your kids do not need you to stay married. They need you to be healthy. They need you to be present. They need you to show them what a functional human being looks like. You cannot do that if you are angry, resentful, exhausted and stuck.

Two parents living separately and showing up as their best selves will do far more for a child than two parents under the same roof making each other miserable. Kids pick up on everything. The fake smiles, the cold silences, the eye rolls when the other person’s back is turned. None of that is invisible to a child.

My kids saw me cook, clean, work, laugh, struggle and get back up. They saw one person managing life with purpose. They did not grow up watching two people slowly destroy each other. That matters. According to Psychology Today, children in high-conflict two-parent homes consistently show worse outcomes than children of single parents in stable, low-conflict households. The marriage certificate is not what protects kids. The environment is.

Healthy and Happy Is the Goal

You are allowed to leave. You are allowed to choose a better life for yourself. And when you do, you are also choosing a better life for your kids whether it feels that way in the moment or not.

Cutting your losses is not giving up. It is being honest. It takes more courage to walk away from something broken than to stay in it because leaving feels hard.

Being a single dad changed my life. Not because it was easy. Because it was real. It was mine. The kids and I built something together that we are all proud of. My daughter finished university. My son is finding his way. And I am living in Bali, writing blogs and coaching people to make the same brave decision I made years ago.

Being a single parent is not a failure. Staying miserable is.

Being a Single Dad. Part 5

The Story of a Single Dad

This is the final part of a five-part series. If you haven’t read the earlier posts, start with Part 1 and work your way through.

I have heard horror stories of divorced dads and single moms. Many didn’t end well. Many still struggle today. Up to a point, I got lucky. I did an admirable job on my own. Yes, I had help, but the most important help came from the kids themselves. Once they got older, we split the chores. A quick dust, a vacuum, a load of laundry here and there freed up time for vacations, weekends away, dinners out and movies.

The most amazing thing in my story was teamwork. The family chose to make things work instead of dwelling on being a broken family. That mindset changed everything.

How to Survive as a Single Dad

Survival was not the hard part. The legal side, the passports, the paperwork for lawyers, that was far more stressful than the actual single dad part.

The hardest thing to deal with was explaining constantly how I ended up with full custody of two kids. It wasn’t bad intention on my part. It was the complete lack of action on my ex’s part.

I don’t mind telling the story. When people hear it, they usually feel bad because they expected something darker. My survival came down to sacrifice. I did what needed doing. I was not selfish. The kids came first and I came second. More single dads need to hear that this approach works. The Child Welfare Information Gateway notes that children of single parents who maintain consistent routines and open communication thrive just as well as children in two-parent households.

How to Manage Time for Kids and Friends as a Single Dad

It all rolled into one. I was lucky that many of my high school friends had settled in the same area. When the kids started school, I bumped into quite a few of them at the school playground with their own kids in the same grades.

That was a strange and funny turn of events. Reminiscing about high school while our kids played together felt surreal. But it worked. Friends and kids came together naturally. Soccer nights, birthday parties, playdates. My social life and my kids’ social life overlapped almost perfectly.

If you want to read more about the broader picture of family, priorities and what really matters, check out my post on where your priorities should really be. It ties right into everything this series is about.

Conclusion: None of this was easy. But being a single dad is not a death sentence. It is a series of compromises and a daily commitment to putting the kids’ needs before your own. Do that consistently and everything else falls into place.

Being a Single Dad. Part 5

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Being a Single Dad. Part 4

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Being a Single Dad. Part 4

What Is a Single Dad?

Being a single dad means being responsible and being a good role model. My kids never heard me yell and scream. I treated others with respect and used common sense. That was the standard I held myself to every single day. If you’re just joining this series, catch up on Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3 first.

Was it hard to keep it together all the time? Sure it was. Between grocery shopping, laundry, cooking and driving the kids everywhere, I got tired. But at least I knew why I did all of it. I was a single dad. Before, I did all the same chores and still had a drunk to babysit and argue with on top of everything else. Did I mention I also had four dogs?

My ex loved dogs. Two kids and four dogs made for a chaotic but fun household. The dogs were outdoor dogs at least and we had plenty of land. As soon as I could, I found homes for three of them. It is not easy to rehome grown German Shepherds. The last one stayed and once I had him neutered, he fit right in with the rest of us.

What Are the Single Dad Stereotypes?

When I told people I was a single dad with full custody, everyone assumed I had done something wrong to get it. Courts rarely award two children full time to a man. So naturally people assumed I shared custody or only had the kids part time. No. I had full custody because my ex ran away.

When I explained the situation, people quickly understood I was not the villain. I didn’t tear the kids from their mom. She chose not to show up. For the first two years she visited once a year. In the past ten years she has contacted my daughter a handful of times. My son and she do not talk.

Why does a man end up as a single dad? In my case, it wasn’t by choice. I didn’t get married planning to get divorced. Shit happens. Life goes on. According to Statista, single-father households have grown steadily over the past three decades, yet the stigma and assumptions still follow us everywhere.

What a Single Dad Can Do

A single dad can do anything, as long as he brings the kids along. Dating gets complicated. I didn’t start dating until a year and a half or two years after my divorce finalised. Too much going on and I didn’t need more complications. Life was simple because only one goal existed.

Make sure the kids are happy. House in order, fed, healthy, well-adjusted. That was all I hoped for and that is exactly what I got. Polite, well-mannered, good kids.

Once things settled, my parents helped out on weekends and that gave me breathing room. Without that support and the flexibility of our family business, things would have been much harder.

Conclusion: The myth that single dads can’t hold it together is simply not true. In fact a single dad who is focused, organised and child-centred can outperform any parent. Read the final chapter in Part 5.

Being a Single Dad. Part 3

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Being a Single Dad. Part 3

Being a Single, Single Dad

Yes, being a single dad meant I was also single. Unattached. The first year revolved entirely around the separation, divorce papers and securing custody of the kids. If you haven’t read Part 1 and Part 2 of this series yet, start there first.

I didn’t steal the kids from their mom. She had every opportunity for shared custody. She skipped court dates, stopped paying her lawyers and dragged the whole process out longer than it ever needed to go. In the end, I got the house and the kids. She got the villas in Bali.

In that first year I had my hands full. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, guitar lessons, karate, singing lessons. Even if I wanted to date, there was no time. The kids and work came first. As long as they were healthy and happy, I was happy. Simple as that.

Dealing With a New Lifestyle

The hardest adjustment was the evenings. My son and daughter went to sleep by 9 pm. I usually stayed up until 11. Once a week I played soccer and since the kids were responsible and trustworthy, leaving them for a few hours was fine.

The evenings were quiet. Video games, movies, writing. At night I did what I wanted as long as it stayed at home. There was always laundry to deal with anyway. My daughter had a habit of pulling her jeans off with her underwear still inside. Eventually that led to a lesson on how to do her own laundry.

Her bathroom duties followed the same pattern. She brushed her teeth in the shower, which left dried toothpaste all over the tub. Simple rule: comply or do it yourself.

How Do You Cope?

Honestly, coping was not the right word for it. Managing was more accurate. Like running a project. Ongoing, with real consequences if things went sideways.

My daughter handled herself. My son and I had our evening routine and read a lot of books together. Garfield, Sesame Street, Scooby-Doo. This routine existed long before the divorce. My son only fell asleep if I was there, so we kept that going.

Coping meant doing. When problems came up between the kids or myself, we talked, discussed and found solutions together. A level head and open conversation handled almost everything.

Making Your Life Easier

This worked for me and may not work for everyone. Keeping the kids in the loop on the important things gave them a sense of responsibility and real decision-making.

One day at the mall, my daughter wanted everything in sight. I went to the ATM, took out $200, handed each kid $100 and said, buy whatever you want. After walking the whole mall, neither of them spent a single dollar. I walked out with the full $200 still in my account.

According to Verywell Family, giving children real financial responsibility early builds lasting money habits and decision-making skills. That mall trip proved it better than any article ever could.

Conclusion: Give kids real responsibility and they learn fast. Continue with Part 4 where I dig into the stereotypes people threw at me as a single dad.

Being a Single Dad. Part 2

What Does It Mean to Be a Single Dad?

To me it meant freedom. How can that be, you say? It was simple. No more arguments with an ex who couldn’t function. The kids and I made every decision ourselves. We decided what, when and how. That alone changed everything.

Life got busy. Life got fun again. Even in the middle of a divorce, the separation brought clarity. No more lies. No more backpedalling. The kids started eating healthier too. I took that on myself. Our lives would be fun, fair, inclusive and above all, we would be a proper family. If you missed where all this started, catch up on Part 1 of this series.

I didn’t cut the kids off from their mom. She came as far as the driveway and could not set foot on the property.

Different Challenges That Come With Being a Single Dad

The challenges came from other areas. I kept the kids in the loop and always told them the truth. Their mom’s drinking and driving charges, the divorce, her eventual decision to return to Indonesia. All of it came out in the open.

The real challenge was juggling everything at once. Cooking, laundry, dinners and packed lunches all fell on me. I made a rule: no frozen dinners, no junk food in the house. I cooked fresh meals with vegetables and experimented constantly. I cooked with the kids and shopped with the kids. We picked what we wanted to eat, bought it and cooked it together.

Being a single dad meant one thing above all else: doing what the family decided to do together. Weekend plans, movies, sleepovers, all of it went through the group.

How to Be a Successful Single Dad

My answer to this is simple. Make it all about the kids. We made decisions together and had fun doing it. Dinner together, quality time together. The individual took a back seat.

That approach eliminated unwanted surprises. We were a team. We planned vacations and evening outings together. Walks, basketball, bike riding, skateboarding. All of it was a group decision.

Because of the age gap between my two kids, my daughter had more grown-up plans. Sleepovers, time away with friends, getting picked up late from the movies. That naturally gave me more time alone with my son and we grew closer because of it. More than just father and son.

Don’t fight and argue with the kids. No point in screaming matches. Yes, it happened, especially with my daughter. Her experimentation with weed and alcohol at 13 or 14 caused some arguments. But we didn’t miss the old daily fights and tension. Not even a little.

The takeaway is simple. Keep things about the family. Keep things positive. Stay inclusive. Research from Psychology Today consistently shows that children in stable, communicative single-parent households do just as well as those in two-parent homes when the environment is positive and consistent.

Conclusion: We all have different situations. This is how this single dad managed his. Things were not always smooth but they could have been so much worse. Continue reading in Part 3 where I get into what life as a single, single dad really looked like.

Being a Single Dad. Part 2

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