Father’s Day cut short

When I was on the train and the rain was passing, it provided hints of blue sky, I hoped it was an analogy for how our circumstances are changing with time.

Life at the moment is absolutely not how I want things to be, but I’m grateful our day wasn’t cancelled and I got to smell you and hear your wonderful voice.

When I got ready and had porridge and coffee in the morning, I saw neighbours across the road together in bed. I dreaded the long journey and dragging the buggy across rail replacement buses, plus a bag stuffed with your portable potty. I wished that our lives could be like the family across the road.

With patience, I’m trying to build something like it for us.

Our day together

I received a message from your mum while the coach was setting off. My first thought was hoping you were a little late rather than our day being cancelled altogether. The message said you had a cold and she would want you to be back with her by 4. There was no room for seeing how the day went, only her usual obligatory tone.

I finally got to the shopping centre, 2 and a half hours after leaving home. The weather was much better. 10am passed so I waited at the corner to give me a view of the road into the distance. When you approached, I waved my arms and did a little dance to show how happy I was to see you on this special day.

I have a few options prepared for our time together. As it’s generally warmer, even with recent showers, the playground remains your favourite place to go. Most places are closed till later anyway.

After gaining a few wet patches on your bottom and building up an appetite we went for lunch. The Japanese restaurant is our trusty spot. I got us ramen, a chicken katsu, 2 gyozas and 2 octopus balls with sides of spring onions and soy sauce for dipping everything in. For the first time you chose to eat the takoyaki octopus balls. I even reminded you what you were eating and you carried on nibbling away. I hope we share these favourite dishes for the rest of our lives.

I thought it would be good to finish lunch with fruits and further snacks from M&S. You helped me pick the items while easing into a snooze. It wasn’t long till we left the hustle and bustle and I did loops around back streets to avoid too much noise while you recharged. I used the opportunity to call my mum, creating a moment with a slight thread of connection between the 3 of us.

Our afternoon

The rest of our day flashed by so quickly. The routine spots I like to make use of took up all the time, leaving nothing spare.

With my knowledge of the area and your habits, I could predict when you’d wake up and ensure it would be near The Cake Cafe which is also close to the playground.

This time we could enjoy the outdoor seating they set up across the road and have our babychino/coffee date with fruits from the supermarket.

As time passes during our time together, the feeling I get is hard to describe. Perhaps it’s like a pressure combined with sadness. The physical part being the result of the sadness. It’s because unlike the other families surrounding us, I can’t adjust our plans if you’re having fun or just go home if the weather’s looking bad.

I have no alternative than to take shelter at a museum or shops when it’s bad weather or when we’re having fun to cut it short. It all sets me up to fail.

Early handover

When we make our way to the shopping centre, we chat a bit and that’s where you reveal that aunties Ellen and Jane have been with you. Ellen is obviously over from abroad for your other auntie’s wedding.

The fact is, today you weren’t behaving like you were unwell. You ran, jumped and giggled about normally.

Your mum has the power to say whatever she likes and will get the benefit of the doubt.

A harsh reminder as our day comes to an end, if she wants to keep you with her, any excuse will do.

The court order is unenforceable and her lies are effortless.

Next week I won’t see you because I agreed to swap the weekend so you could be the flower girl at your auntie’s wedding.

I’ll ask for a photo as I’m sure you’ll look the most beautiful there. I won’t hold my breath for it though.

New #bookreview: JETT by Lily Zante, an age gap, single dad, steamy billionaire boss romance with an ambiguous ending, just an ok read for me @authorlilyzante #romance #romancereads #agegapromance #spicyromance #singledad #KnightEmpire #romancestagram #bookstagram #romancelandia #booksky

http://stacyalesi.com/2026/03/27/jett-by-lily-zante/

Being a Single Dad. Part 6.
https://wp.me/p84YjG-ayi
#SingleDad #Fatherhood #Parenting #Divorce #FamilyLife #Dadlife #zsoltzsemba

https://zsoltzsemba.com/being-a-single-dad-part-6-2/

Being a Single Dad. Part 6.

So we have reached the end of this series. Five parts about being a single dad and I have not run out of things to say. But this last one is probably the most important.

Here is the conclusion nobody talks about enough.

It is easier to be a single, stable parent than to stay stuck in a toxic, angry, unhappy relationship for the sake of the kids. Full stop.

I have heard it a hundred times. “We are staying together for the children.” That sounds noble. It is not. Kids are not stupid. They feel the tension at dinner. They hear the arguments through the walls. They watch two people who resent each other pretend everything is fine. And they learn from it. Not the lesson you think you are teaching them. The lesson they actually take away is that this is what relationships look like.

That is a terrible lesson.

When I became a single dad, the house got quieter. Not in a sad way. In a relief way. The arguments stopped. The walking on eggshells stopped. The kids exhaled. I exhaled. We all did.

Being a Single Parent Is Not the Hard Part

People assume single parenting is brutal. Some days it is. But staying in a broken relationship to avoid single parenting? That is brutal every single day with no end in sight.

Being a single mom or dad is not easy. I am not going to tell you it is. But it is not as hard as people make it out to be either. You adapt. You find your rhythm. You build something that works. And the biggest thing you gain is peace. Real peace. Not the fake peace of two people in the same house who have nothing left to say to each other.

I covered the cooking, the laundry, the school runs, the homework, the guitar lessons, the karate, the vet bills and the mortgage. All of it, on my own. And I still had time to watch movies with the kids on Friday nights and take them away on weekends. If you haven’t read how we actually made it work, start with Part 1 of this series.

Two Happy Individuals Are Better Than One Miserable Couple

This is the part nobody wants to say out loud so I will say it.

Your kids do not need you to stay married. They need you to be healthy. They need you to be present. They need you to show them what a functional human being looks like. You cannot do that if you are angry, resentful, exhausted and stuck.

Two parents living separately and showing up as their best selves will do far more for a child than two parents under the same roof making each other miserable. Kids pick up on everything. The fake smiles, the cold silences, the eye rolls when the other person’s back is turned. None of that is invisible to a child.

My kids saw me cook, clean, work, laugh, struggle and get back up. They saw one person managing life with purpose. They did not grow up watching two people slowly destroy each other. That matters. According to Psychology Today, children in high-conflict two-parent homes consistently show worse outcomes than children of single parents in stable, low-conflict households. The marriage certificate is not what protects kids. The environment is.

Healthy and Happy Is the Goal

You are allowed to leave. You are allowed to choose a better life for yourself. And when you do, you are also choosing a better life for your kids whether it feels that way in the moment or not.

Cutting your losses is not giving up. It is being honest. It takes more courage to walk away from something broken than to stay in it because leaving feels hard.

Being a single dad changed my life. Not because it was easy. Because it was real. It was mine. The kids and I built something together that we are all proud of. My daughter finished university. My son is finding his way. And I am living in Bali, writing blogs and coaching people to make the same brave decision I made years ago.

Being a single parent is not a failure. Staying miserable is.

Being a Single Dad. Part 5

The Story of a Single Dad

This is the final part of a five-part series. If you haven’t read the earlier posts, start with Part 1 and work your way through.

I have heard horror stories of divorced dads and single moms. Many didn’t end well. Many still struggle today. Up to a point, I got lucky. I did an admirable job on my own. Yes, I had help, but the most important help came from the kids themselves. Once they got older, we split the chores. A quick dust, a vacuum, a load of laundry here and there freed up time for vacations, weekends away, dinners out and movies.

The most amazing thing in my story was teamwork. The family chose to make things work instead of dwelling on being a broken family. That mindset changed everything.

How to Survive as a Single Dad

Survival was not the hard part. The legal side, the passports, the paperwork for lawyers, that was far more stressful than the actual single dad part.

The hardest thing to deal with was explaining constantly how I ended up with full custody of two kids. It wasn’t bad intention on my part. It was the complete lack of action on my ex’s part.

I don’t mind telling the story. When people hear it, they usually feel bad because they expected something darker. My survival came down to sacrifice. I did what needed doing. I was not selfish. The kids came first and I came second. More single dads need to hear that this approach works. The Child Welfare Information Gateway notes that children of single parents who maintain consistent routines and open communication thrive just as well as children in two-parent households.

How to Manage Time for Kids and Friends as a Single Dad

It all rolled into one. I was lucky that many of my high school friends had settled in the same area. When the kids started school, I bumped into quite a few of them at the school playground with their own kids in the same grades.

That was a strange and funny turn of events. Reminiscing about high school while our kids played together felt surreal. But it worked. Friends and kids came together naturally. Soccer nights, birthday parties, playdates. My social life and my kids’ social life overlapped almost perfectly.

If you want to read more about the broader picture of family, priorities and what really matters, check out my post on where your priorities should really be. It ties right into everything this series is about.

Conclusion: None of this was easy. But being a single dad is not a death sentence. It is a series of compromises and a daily commitment to putting the kids’ needs before your own. Do that consistently and everything else falls into place.

Being a Single Dad. Part 5

https://zsoltzsemba.com/?p=40522

#SingleDad #Fatherhood #Parenting #Divorce #FamilyLife #Dadlife #zsoltzsemba

https://zsoltzsemba.com/being-a-single-dad-part-5-2/

Being a Single Dad. Part 4

https://zsoltzsemba.com/?p=40521

#SingleDad #Fatherhood #Parenting #Divorce #FamilyLife #Dadlife #zsoltzsemba

https://zsoltzsemba.com/being-a-single-dad-part-4-2/

Being a Single Dad. Part 4

What Is a Single Dad?

Being a single dad means being responsible and being a good role model. My kids never heard me yell and scream. I treated others with respect and used common sense. That was the standard I held myself to every single day. If you’re just joining this series, catch up on Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3 first.

Was it hard to keep it together all the time? Sure it was. Between grocery shopping, laundry, cooking and driving the kids everywhere, I got tired. But at least I knew why I did all of it. I was a single dad. Before, I did all the same chores and still had a drunk to babysit and argue with on top of everything else. Did I mention I also had four dogs?

My ex loved dogs. Two kids and four dogs made for a chaotic but fun household. The dogs were outdoor dogs at least and we had plenty of land. As soon as I could, I found homes for three of them. It is not easy to rehome grown German Shepherds. The last one stayed and once I had him neutered, he fit right in with the rest of us.

What Are the Single Dad Stereotypes?

When I told people I was a single dad with full custody, everyone assumed I had done something wrong to get it. Courts rarely award two children full time to a man. So naturally people assumed I shared custody or only had the kids part time. No. I had full custody because my ex ran away.

When I explained the situation, people quickly understood I was not the villain. I didn’t tear the kids from their mom. She chose not to show up. For the first two years she visited once a year. In the past ten years she has contacted my daughter a handful of times. My son and she do not talk.

Why does a man end up as a single dad? In my case, it wasn’t by choice. I didn’t get married planning to get divorced. Shit happens. Life goes on. According to Statista, single-father households have grown steadily over the past three decades, yet the stigma and assumptions still follow us everywhere.

What a Single Dad Can Do

A single dad can do anything, as long as he brings the kids along. Dating gets complicated. I didn’t start dating until a year and a half or two years after my divorce finalised. Too much going on and I didn’t need more complications. Life was simple because only one goal existed.

Make sure the kids are happy. House in order, fed, healthy, well-adjusted. That was all I hoped for and that is exactly what I got. Polite, well-mannered, good kids.

Once things settled, my parents helped out on weekends and that gave me breathing room. Without that support and the flexibility of our family business, things would have been much harder.

Conclusion: The myth that single dads can’t hold it together is simply not true. In fact a single dad who is focused, organised and child-centred can outperform any parent. Read the final chapter in Part 5.

Being a Single Dad. Part 3

https://zsoltzsemba.com/?p=40520

#SingleDad #Fatherhood #Parenting #Divorce #FamilyLife #Dadlife #zsoltzsemba

https://zsoltzsemba.com/being-a-single-dad-part-3-2/