With #MatthewMcconaughey talking about it on #HowardStern, and apparently #JennetteMcCurdy (#iCarly) weighing in again having written the book "I'm Glad My Mom Died", I see people once again talking about going #NoContact, #LowContact, or #GreyRock with #parents, as in, shutting them out of your life and avoiding ever speaking to them again.

If that doesn't sound like a thing you'd ever want to do, you probably had an actual relationship with both your parents beyond #abuse.

I'm glad you did, but we didn't.

For some, it's a long and painful process, which becomes liberating at the end, as we cut a source of lasting pain and ongoing harm out of our lives. For others, it's as easy as just not calling on the phone, because understand this: a lot of #AbusiveParents don't care.

And that's something to remember here too: if you think this is hurtful to the parent, maybe it is, and that returned-hurt can even be part of healing. But for the majority? It doesn't hurt them, because they don't actually care.

#GreyRock #GreyRocking #GreyRockLove #GreyRockCompassion
#NotGoodENoughMalala3

"Malala is not good enough since year 2012 to promote and repeat repeat on Social Media Systems"

#MalalaYousafzai was not good enough to give young girls voices for social media users. #SocialMediaSociety

Discover the Grey Rock Method to effectively handle toxic people. Learn how to protect your well-being and regain control in challenging relationships.

#GreyRock #ToxicRelationships #RelationshipRecovery #Abuse #Healing #AbuseRecovery #DomesticAbuse

https://windhavenfoundation.org/grey-rock-the-secret-to-handling-toxic-people/

Letter to Mom:

Your Panic Is Not My Panic And It Is Not Ok (So Keep Your Chaos Energy To Yourself)

#DarkSojourn #Recovery2024 #GreyRock

@thepoliticalcat

Agreed. This is a large part of what the 'grey rock' approach is about. By staying calm you're doing the best you can, if you can't walk away.

Staying calm, pleasant but disengaged, avoiding hot topics and ignoring provocative comments takes the energy out of most encounters with highly manipulative people.

#GreyRock

There are a few therapists who explain 'grey rock' in more detail on YouTube etc.

@GayDeceiver @DSWadeLPC

【科普+實用】「為甚麼我永遠都不夠好？為甚麼我永遠不快樂？」也許你是被#自戀虐待（#Narcissistic Abuse）和#精神虐待 了而不自知

https://fairiesheart.com/2022/02/03/%e3%80%90%e7%a7%91%e6%99%ae%e5%af%a6%e7%94%a8%e3%80%91%e3%80%8c%e7%82%ba%e7%94%9a%e9%ba%bc%e6%88%91%e6%b0%b8%e9%81%a0%e9%83%bd%e4%b8%8d%e5%a4%a0%e5%a5%bd%ef%bc%9f%e7%82%ba%e7%94%9a%e9%ba%bc%e6%88%91/
#PUA #Gaslighting #自恋型人格障碍 #NPD

應對自戀虐待的正確做法是什麼？

方法二：灰石策略

POINT 1: 讓自戀者忘記你的存在

雖然我剛剛說了停止接觸是最好的做法，但是有時候這確實不是很現實——可能是你被困在一個毒性職場環境裡面，但是為了金錢無法離開；可能是你還是學生，你沒有經濟能力去離開父母；可能是因為某種原因，例如你們有共同的朋友，所以你還是需要繼續跟自戀者接觸⋯⋯這時候你就可以選擇灰石策略。
想像一下，平時你在街上看到灰色的石頭時，你會有什麼想法？我估計你的答案應該是「沒有想法」，因為灰色的石頭太不起眼了，根本沒有人會有興趣特意關注它。同理，所謂的#灰石策略（#GreyRock），就是把的存在感變得超級無敵低，以致你的自戀者最後對你失去興趣。

POINT 2: 到底怎樣才能灰石？

那實際上要怎樣做呢？
• 在日常生活中，只要能避開自戀者就避開，不要跟他接觸
• 假如沒有辦法避開的話，互動越短暫越好，說完必要的話就立即結束
• 如果非要聊天的話，請盡量維持膚淺的對話，例如聊聊天氣什麼的
• 不要給他任何可以用來攻擊你的素材，像是提起最近發生的事情，或是分享你的感受或意見
• 不要長篇大論，一直用語氣詞回答就行，例如「嗯」、「哦」、「好」之類的
• 不管自戀者怎樣刺激你，也不要有反應

舉例，自戀者看到你穿了粉紅色的裙子，然後嘲笑你說：「這麼胖還穿裙子，真的太沒有品味了。」這時候你不需要跟他互動，要不假裝沒聽到，要不就聳聳肩，要不就隨便回一個「哦」。自戀者見你不理他，可能會把你罵得更厲害，說不定還會故意提起你的地雷來刺激你，這時你只要繼續維持灰石狀態，不反駁也不回應，最後自戀者自然只能夠放棄。

POINT 3: 灰石不代表你怕了自戀者

值得注意的是，灰色並不等於委曲求全。如果你只是怕對方發作、不想惹事而躲開對方，只會讓自己在一次次退讓中，感覺越來越渺小、無力。真正的灰石不是因為你怕對方發作而退讓，而是將主動權緊緊要抓在自己手上——憑甚麼你攻擊我，我就要有反應？為甚麼我要當你的自戀供應？
我記得之前別人打過一個比方：如果你有一個人要把你拉到水裡跟你打架，正常選項不是「打贏他」或「由得他打你」，而是趕快從水裡走出來：「我幹嘛要跟你在水裡打架啊，你讓我打我就打嗎？」灰石策略也是類似，你之所以減少跟自戀者的互動，不是因為你怕了他，而是你不想繼續跟他糾纏下去。

POINT 4: 一開始時自戀者會故意刺激你

不過，這個方法也是有缺點的。當你剛開始灰石的時候，自戀者很有可能會比之前更加惡劣地虐待你，因為自戀者不能接受自戀供應突然就消失了，所以自然會想盡辦法拿回來。他們會比以前更尖酸刻薄、更不講道理，可能會指控你變得冷漠無情，還可能飛猴操縱其他人，讓他們去怪責你的「不禮貌行為」。這時候要是你忍不住崩潰了，自戀者就會知道你的灰石只是虛張聲勢，然後他們就會變本加厲地攻擊你。
然而，如果你有能力忍過那幾個月的煎熬，終有一天自戀者會莫可奈何——貶低你沒有用，道德綁架你沒有用，你不再相信他的煤氣燈操縱，怎樣刺激你你都不發火，所以他也無法找到黑材料抹黑你——所以他只能放棄。一旦到達這個境界，自戀者就會找他下一個受害者，而你也就自由了。

mastodon上的无来源转发：
https://m.cmx.im/@Cerasus/110247381586448087