Ex-Bestie Who Literally Tried to Single White Female My Life

Grab your favorite beverage—coffee, tea, or maybe a massive glass of wine—because you are going to need it for this one. Welcome back to the blog, y’all. Today, we are diving deep into a chapter of my life so utterly unhinged that if I pitched it to a reality TV network, the producers would hand it back to me and say it was “too unrealistic.”

We all have that one ex-friend who teaches us a harsh lesson about boundaries. But let me tell you about my ex-friend. She didn’t just cross boundaries; she demolished them, set them on fire, and then tried to literally steal my identity in the ashes.

Here is the wild, exhausting, and strangely terrifying story of the friend who was so psychopathic and obsessed with me that she systematically tried to take over my life. And sitting here in the year 2026, I still cannot wrap my head around the wildly sick obsession she has with me.

Red Flags and The Blueprint of a Bad Friendship

I should have known things were going to be weird from the jump. This girl—a Black woman who I genuinely thought was going to be my sister from another mister—had the exact same name as my actual sister. Not only that, but she also had the exact same birth month one day apart from my sister yet we both share the same birth year. At the time, I thought, “Wow, what a fun coincidence! We are destined to be family.”

The universe wasn’t giving me a cute coincidence; it was flashing a giant, neon red flag.

We were friends for five solid years. And when I say I was a good friend, I mean I was the blueprint. I was there for her through everything. I sat with her through pregnancies, multiple abortions, and heartbreaking miscarriages. I drove from one hospital to another, holding her hand, wiping her tears, and believing every single story and lie she spun. I gave her my last dollar without a second thought. I thought she was my ride-or-die.

The Secret Smear Campaign

But looking back, the most devastating realization is this: I was busy being her friend, while she was busy making me her enemy for absolutely no reason.

She was out to get me from the very start. Even while we were supposedly “best friends,” she was secretly running a smear campaign against me. She tracked down men I used to serve in the military with, messaging them to portray me as this horrible, toxic person. She made herself look like the sweet, believable victim so everyone would turn on me. She even contacted my ex, Reggie, just to try and ruin things between us and make my life miserable. She wanted me to be the villain so badly.

Betrayal Under My Own Roof

For the longest time, I thought the “official” fallout between us happened because of a guy. I had a very short fling with one of her brothers. Because I respect the girl code, I went to her beforehand and asked if she was okay with it. She looked me in the eye and said, “Oh yeah, totally fine! Go for it!”

Tip for the ladies: When a toxic friend says “it’s fine,” it is a trap. It is a giant bear trap covered in leaves.

I had the fling, and almost immediately, she flipped the script. Suddenly, it was not fine. She used it as her villain origin story to hold against me forever. But honestly? The brother fling was just a convenient excuse to unleash the hatred she already had for me.

Collecting My Exes Like Infinity Stones

Clearly, her revenge plot was to collect my exes like Thanos collecting Infinity Stones. Because getting rid of me wasn’t enough; she needed to step into my shoes.

Her ultimate betrayal happened right under my own roof. I actually caught her sleeping with my husband at the time. In my apartment! I was so furious I had to call the cops just to physically have her removed from my home. And the absolute kicker? To this day, she holds a grudge against me for calling the cops on her! Ma’am, you were in my bed with my husband! What did you want me to do, leave a mint on the pillow and make y’all breakfast?!

Not only did she sleep with that husband, but she also slept with my ex-husband (my daughter’s father), my ex boyfriends and ex military colleague. Then, because the “Tina’s Leftovers” buffet was apparently still open, she moved on to my son’s father. She didn’t just sleep with him—she went ahead and had a whole baby with him.

Theft, Audacity, and Financial Independence

Before we get to the twisted dynamic with my son’s father, let’s talk about the absolute sheer audacity this girl possessed regarding my survival.

There was a time when things were really tight for me, and I was relying on an EBT card to get by. I had managed to save up about $3,000 worth of food stamps on it to make sure my family was fed. Guess what my “best friend” did? She stole it. She flat-out swiped my EBT card and sold it for cash on the street to make a quick buck. (for 2026: I am now completely off EBT, financially independent, and thriving, so her little heist didn’t break me—but the audacity remains unmatched.)

The Puppet Master and the Absent Father

Let’s talk about my son’s father for a minute, because the dynamic between these two is a psychological thriller.

If this man had a backbone, it would be made of overcooked spaghetti. He is an absolute wimp who lets another female completely control him. He has zero thoughts of his own and goes to her for every single piece of advice. Their entire chemistry is built on a foundation of mutual hatred for me. Every single day, she contacts him just to ask, “Have you spoken to Tina today?” On the rare occasions his single brain cell fires up and he admits he feels like reaching out to fix things, she swoops in and talks him out of it.

Validating Deadbeat Behavior

She uses him to control my life, and worse, she uses him to control whether or not he has a relationship with his own son. She actually sits there and validates his deadbeat behavior. She tells him that he was right to walk away, that he shouldn’t care about his son, that it’s “best” he doesn’t have a relationship with him, and—get this—that his son “will find him when he grows up.”

She is actively molding him to be just like her: running away from all accountability and responsibility. She explicitly tells him to continue to disrespect me, treat me like trash, and ignore my attempts to co-parent all while he is out there entertaining a bunch of other women with his 7+ kids.

He literally handed over the passwords to his emails and texting apps. She ordered him to block me everywhere, disabled his social media accounts, and dictates that if he must contact me, he has to use weird burner texting apps so she can coach him on what to say.

Identity Theft and Perjury in Arizona

If you thought it couldn’t get any crazier, buckle up, because this is where it turns into a true crime documentary. She eventually moved to Arizona. Keep in mind, I live in California and I have never been to Arizona in my life.

Somehow, she went to a courthouse in Arizona and filed for a restraining order against me. But she didn’t just file the paperwork—she actually got someone to pretend to be me. She got a body double, made a fake ID with my information, and had this person appear in front of a judge as “Tina.” The judge, believing this imposter was me, granted the restraining order!

Fighting Court Fraud

When I found out, I called the Arizona courts in an absolute panic, explaining that I have never set foot in their state. The court employees literally argued with me, saying, “Ma’am, you appeared in court.” No, I didn’t! A literal fraudster did!

To get this restraining order, she fabricated “proof.” She submitted email exchanges where she had intentionally rage-baited me to get a reaction. But worse than that, she made a terrifying, psychotic collage featuring a picture of a gun next to a picture of my son. She posted threats on my life and my son’s life, writing captions like “I wish a bitch would” and “Ask Tina, she knows.”

The Motivation Behind the Obsession

She threatened my child’s life, stole my identity, committed perjury, and defrauded a court of law—all because she wants to be me so desperately that it is making her clinically unhinged. Her obsession doesn’t stop with me; she is even morphing into my son’s father. He likes Mercedes Benz cars? Boom, she goes out and buys a Mercedes. She copies his mannerisms, his habits, his style, bankrupting her own personality to mirror his just to prove her “loyalty.”

Why go through all that effort? Why the fake IDs, the court fraud, the military stalking, and the baby daddies? I don’t get what she wants from me or ever wanted from me.

She wants me to reach out so badly just so she can start drama. Need proof? In January 2025, after years of not speaking, after the EBT theft, the cops, the baby, the smear campaign, and the Arizona identity theft… she sent me a text.

“Hey, just asking how you’re doing. Hoping you’re fine!”

I had to laugh. The audacity is breathtaking. You commit federal identity theft, threaten my son with a gun, and hack my inbox, but you want to casually check in and see how my Tuesday is going? Make it make sense!

Silence is the Only Answer

For the longest time, my intentions were pure. I wanted a final conversation to find out why she did all of this. But now, in 2026, I’ve realized something incredibly empowering: The block and the silence is the answer. That is the only closure I will ever get, and it’s the only closure I need.

Let the psychopathic puppet master and her spineless puppet have each other in their weird, obsessive, Mercedes-driving bubble. As for me? I’m logging off, living my beautiful, financially thriving, drama-free life, protecting my peace, and making sure my passwords are un-hackable.

Until next time,

Tina

When Allah Takes a Back Seat: Religion, Money and the Bule Fantasy
https://wp.me/p84YjG-aFK
#BuleHunter #BaliLife #IndonesiaIslam #ExpatsInBali #ReligionAndMoney #ToxicRelationships #MensMindset #RealTalk #IndonesianWomen #BaliDating #zsoltzsemba

https://zsoltzsemba.com/religion-money-bule-fantasy-indonesia/

Sex, Manipulation and the Game Nobody Wins
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#BuleHunter #BaliLife #ExpatsInBali #ToxicRelationships #LoveAndMoney #MensMindset #RelationshipAdvice #RealTalk #SelfAwareness #ManipulationTactics #zsoltzsemba

https://zsoltzsemba.com/sex-manipulation-and-the-game-nobody-wins/

Sex, Manipulation and the Game Nobody Wins

Let us end this series where it was always heading. Not with finger pointing at one side. But with the full picture, because both sides are in this, both sides are getting hurt, and both sides are doing the hurting.

Here is the dynamic nobody wants to say out loud.

Some women use sex as a weapon. Some men take exactly what is being offered and nothing more. And somewhere in the middle of that transaction, both of them end up with less than they started with.

If Sex Is All You Bring, Sex Is All You Get

There is a belief that circulates openly in certain circles here in Bali and across Indonesia more broadly. The belief that men only want sex. Say it enough times, and it becomes a worldview. And a worldview shapes behaviour. If you genuinely believe men only want sex, then sex becomes your primary currency. You offer it strategically. You withhold it strategically. You use it to open doors, secure commitments, and create dependencies. You become, whether you intended to or not, a manipulator.

But here is the part that belief conveniently skips over. If sex is all you bring to the table, sex is all the relationship will ever be about. You do not get to complain that he only wants you for your body if your body is the only thing you put forward. The relationship will always reflect what was used to build it. Build it on physical transaction and that is exactly what you get. A physical transaction.

The Tourist, the Long Game, and the Tuesday Night

A foreign man lands in Bali for a week. He is on holiday. His guard is down. The sun is out. And there is a woman who has done this before, who knows exactly how to read that energy and meet it. She is thinking long game. Financial support, a dependency he cannot walk away from. He is thinking on Tuesday night. Neither of them is being fully honest. Both of them are using the other.

He gets what he came for. She does not get what she was after. He flies home. She starts again with the next one.

The Pregnancy Play

Let us be direct about this because it happens, and pretending otherwise helps nobody. Getting pregnant to trap a foreign man is not a relationship strategy. It is a desperate move that creates a child who did not ask to be a bargaining chip, a man who feels cornered rather than chosen, and a woman who now has a dependency that may or may not deliver what she was hoping for. It almost never works the way she planned. And when it does not, everyone loses. Especially the child.

The Men Are Not Innocent Either

There are foreign men who come to Bali specifically because the power imbalance works in their favour. They know that economic disparity creates access. They use it. They take what is available, offer nothing real in return, and move on. They do not ask too many questions because the answers might require them to behave better. They benefit from a system they did not create but absolutely choose to participate in.

These men are not victims. They are co-architects.

Manipulation Is a Two-Way Road

The uncomfortable truth at the center of all of this is that manipulation is a two-way road. A woman who uses sex to extract money is manipulating. A man who uses money to extract sex is also manipulating. Both are treating the other person as a means to an end. Both are avoiding the vulnerability of an actual connection. Both get to feel clever in the short term and hollow in the long term.

And the people who genuinely get hurt are the ones who came in without a strategy. The man who actually fell for her and did not know he was being played. The woman who actually liked him and did not realize he was just filling a week. The ones who showed up real in a game being played by people who had decided real was too risky.

They are the collateral damage of other people’s fear of intimacy dressed up as strategy.

The Only Version That Does Not End in Everyone Losing

This series started with data showing that most Indonesian women reject the Bule Hunter culture. It moved through how the system works, how it spreads, and what it costs the people who run it. This final post is just the honest summary.

Sex used as manipulation degrades everyone involved. Money used as leverage does the same. The only thing that does not degrade you is choosing to show up as a full human being and requiring the person across from you to do the same.

That is harder. It is also the only version of this that does not end in everyone losing.

If this series hit close to home and you are navigating something real right now, I work with men one-on-one. Start here.

The kids are the reason most men stay too long.
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#toxic #toxicrelationships #divorce #men #desperation #learning #conflict #kids #parents

https://zsoltzsemba.com/how-to-leave-toxic-relationship-when-you-have-kids/

Proud to share that our psychotherapist Katayon Qahir was recently featured in Authority Magazine talking about something that doesn’t get nearly enough attention — healing from psychological abuse.

Katayon works with adults recovering from toxic relationships, chronic stress, and trauma. She offers virtual sessions across Ontario.

Link to the full interview in bio — it’s worth the read.

#ToxicRelationships #PsychologicalAbuse #NarcissisticAbuse #HealingFromAbuse #TraumaTherapy

To the extent we have a clearly defined antagonist, it would be an anthropomorphization of the abuse we’ve suffered at the hands/paws/wings of some people we’re glad to no longer be in touch with. This typically means two specific people, whom we will only identify as a dragon and a bird.

Under the Dragon

The dragon’s goal would have been my complete submission and subjugation. He’d want me to be his unquestioning slave, thinking only of his pleasure, with all of my lusts and desires trained away. He specifically said my arousal and pleasure were turn-offs for him; any scenario should involve his pleasure and his alone. To call his actions rape would be a misnomer, in his opinion: I’d be an object incapable of granting or withholding consent, no different than a sex sleeve.

Once that was achieved, we could envision one of two outcomes.

Almost Normal

I continue to work a normal job, with the expectation that I pay for everything he wants and needs, even if it’s to my detriment. I wouldn’t have disposable income of my own; it would be his to spend as he sees fit. I wouldn’t be allowed to have any sexual interactions with anyone else; I might not even be allowed much contact with other people. My only reward would be the honor (as he’d put it) of continuing to be abused by him, as opposed to being simply tossed aside and left to rot. After all, I’d be his

Permanently Enslaved

I give up any hint of a life at all beyond being his 24/7 slave. This would certainly not be a healthy BDSM relationship; this would likely amount to some kind of torture. Food and drink would be permitted only if he felt like it, and he would not be fair about what I’d have to do to earn sustenance. There’s a chance he’d try to have me amputated, or at least near-permanently in bondage that rendered my arms and legs useless, so that I’d be a better fuck pillow for him.

Contact with other people would be lost entirely; I’d be nothing more than an object and treated accordingly. And he’d insist he deserves such a slave by virtue of being a dragon, and that knowing my place beneath him, suffering whatever Sadistic whims he has, is something I should be thankful for.

Under the Bird

The bird is a much more insidious and subtle creature. They were crafty, both granting and denying pleasure to condition my behavior. They wanted an unhealthy degree of co-dependency; we were expected to be in contact with them almost every waking hour unless they were busy with something else. Even when I was at a convention they weren’t at, it was very clear they were thinking about what I’d do or get for them. Gaslighting was common; they’d often ask “Is it?” even over relatively obvious things, as if we shouldn’t trust our own senses and, instead, defer to their perception.

To the extent we can articulate their goal, it seemed to be this: To have us think of them more than we think of ourselves. We wouldn’t have been a slave; we simply would have been less than them in a way that ensured our perpetual dependency.

The ongoing control would have, likewise, been subtle. We’d be encouraged to spend more time with their friends and less time with ours. Their lack of interest our hobbies would have made us quit certain things in favor of doing what they enjoy instead. In case of disagreement, we’d be expected to defer to them even when it conflicted with our own perception or emotion. Expressing a need they approved of would be fulfilled. Expressing needs they disapproved of would be scorned or ignored. Expressing unhappiness with them, in any way, would have led to personal attacks intended to make us believe we were wrong to have those thoughts at all.

Frighteningly, we’d probably believe we were happy about that result, too.

#WordWeavers #Abuse #Amputation #Toxic #Abusive #AbusiveRelationships #ToxicRelationships