Mastodawn

My Reflection Of 2025

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2025, was indeed a year.

The year started out great, I worked on New Year’s Day as usual in the Department of Medical and in April, I entered into my final posting, the Emergency and Trauma Department. In May, I attended my best friend’s wedding.

In July, I completed my internship and received my full registration under the Malaysian Medical Council (MMC) as well as my Annual Practicing Certificate (APC) and started locumming during my holidays back home and I also started floating as a Medical Officer in the Department of Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery. It was a steep learning curve for me, transitioning from a House Officer into a Medical Officer. The anxiety increased and I was constantly tired. I remembered my love for medicine and service fading to the point I took a long break in October to recharge and reflect.

2025 was also the year, I handed in my 30-days-notice to resign but revoke it the following day. Perhaps it was too much for me, although the working environment and superiors were more than sweet and kind. Physically, I was catching up but mentally, I was fading away.

Looking back, thankfully, I did not. I celebrated my birthday before travelling back to Kuching the following day. 2025 was also the year when my relationship ended. It was a good and lovely 19 months. Perhaps, it was just time.

November was the month I received my letter stating that I will receive my placement and I needed to report for duty on the 24th of November 2025. One thing for sure, I was sure to continue serving in Sarawak. The place? Unknown yet.

On the 18th of November, I found out that I would need to report to the Health Division of Bintulu on the 24th of November 2025.

Bintulu, that’s around 7 hours drive from Kuching. I didn’t have a place to stay nor a car and my things were all unpacked and I was just extremely busy. I packed whatever I could, shipped some boxes back home, those that I managed to do and on the 23rd of November, I flew to Bintulu.

Thankfully, the doctor-in-charge of the Health Division was kind enough to let me know which place or clinic that I would be placed at.

Yes, clinic setting. I did not apply for a clinic setting which so happened to be what many others in my batch longed for. Surprisingly, I got it!

Considering the state of my mental health, I was more than ecstatic to accept it.

2025 was also the year I moved and started working in a new place and also one that speaks a different dialect. I started doing oncalls as well and surprisingly, adapted very quickly into a General Practitioner’s setting as well as the new place. I also met another colleague who was previously my medical officer in the Department of Obstetrics & Gynaecology when I was a House Officer and made new friends and acquaintances.

Overall, 2025 was a mixed of both good and bad experiences. I felt both the highs and also went through a period of low mood. New people entered my life, some stayed and some also left. Nevertheless, I am thankful for all the experiences I went through as well as the lessons learnt.

Hopefully, I can learn from the errors that I have made and grow, making me into a better person.

Thank you 2025. Now, it’s time to move on, to 2026.

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The Theoretical Doctor Jan 10

My FIRST SOLO Oncall Shift As A Floating Medical Officer

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My first solo oncall shift was on the 17th of August 2025 a few days after I have completed my tagging period.

I had a passive oncall on standby just in case things got out of hand, which is a good thing. However, I was adamant to try to survive on my own as if I only had myself and the specialist. Thankfully as well, it was on a weekday which meant I was able to reach out and ask for help if needed and the others would be able to assist if needed or advice me.

As usual, morning rounds, followed by peri rounds. The role as an oncall medical officer of the day is to update the progress of the patients in the specialist’s WhatsApp group as well as to upload any latest wound pictures, if any.

The day was rather busy with rounds and in between I would receive calls from Klinik Kesihatan (Community Clinics), usually requesting a clinic date. Thankfully, no referrals yet.

After rounds, I headed back to the ward to complete any pending joblists before heading into the operating theatre (OT) for a patient that was awaiting her call to OT.

During that operation, there was a referral from the Emergency and Trauma (ETD) Department, referring a case of laceration wound over the forehead for a 3 year old boy.

The medical officer at the ETD was kind enough to assist in taking the bloods as well as admitting the patient. My colleague on the other hand came to check in on me after her day in the clinic and attended to this kid.

After the first operation, the following case was called which was the 3-year-old kid. I have always enjoyed being in the operating theatre, or any hands on procedures.

Despite knowing that I should be conserving energy, instead, I proceeded to carry on and after the second op, I entered an ongoing flap operation next door to assist.

Another referral came for a laceration wound over the forehead for an Orthopaedic patient who was post-operative and transferred to ICU. Apparently, it was missed when the patient arrived at the Emergency Department as he suffered multiple opened fracture and was posted for operation immediately. Thankfully, he was intubated and sedated and I was able to perform a bedside toilet and suturing for him.

By the time I was done, it was midnight. I went back to the oncall room to shower and change for the night. I would usually change into scrubs again if I were to be oncall, just to be on standby in case I was needed immediately.

I did not sleep that night, it just felt wrong as the flap operation was still ongoing since 8am.

I went in again to check in on them, however, I was not needed at that time. Thus, I kept a fellow colleague company.

At 2am, I returned back to ward to complete the planned discharge of a patient and started my morning review. Thankfully, I did. In between, I was referred a new case of another kid who suffered another laceration wound at his right eyebrow. Thus, counselled the parents, obtained consent and admitted the patient.

After that, I was requested to collect bloods or bags packed cell for the patient who was still ongoing operation. When the commotion was done, I returned to continue my early morning reviews.

By 4am, I went back inside the operating theatre to check in on the ongoing operation. Technically, still far from done. Scrubbed in to assist with harvesting the skin for split thickness skin graft and refashioning of the affected limb.

At 8am, we were finally done. The operation officially lasted for 24 hours. All of us scrubbed out and I changed out of my attire to return to ward and follow rounds.

During peri rounds, a patient was called to OT and I entered organ as I dislike peri rounds. After the OT, all of us were just beyond tired and I went home for the day.

No doubt, it was my first “solo oncall”, it did not feel lonely at all as since there was an ongoing operation, physically, I felt comforted knowing that there were people nearby and felt more like a slumber party instead.

And the most important part… I survived it!

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The Theoretical Doctor Jan 9

I SURVIVED My First Month Of Tagging As A Floating Medical Officer

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Thank God. Seriously.

I started my journey on the 21st of August 2025 and officially off-tag on the 14th of September 2025 after my last tagging oncall shift.

Technically, it was not a month but 3 weeks. Nevertheless, a very tiring 3 weeks with every other day oncalls and one sick leave in between.

The tagging oncalls were every other day (EOD), this meant an oncall shift followed by postcall and the following day is an office hour shift only to be followed by oncall again.

Overall, it was a mixture of fun and tiredness. My sleeping schedule was definitely off as I am usually disturbed in the middle of the night as the time I am usually able to sleep peacefully is during my postcall shifts.

Thankfully, I always had a senior with me to guide me. Thus, every referral I received, I would discuss on the management plan with them. It was mentally challenging as well as the learning curve is extremely steep for a junior medical officer such as myself.

Having completed my tagging period, I am still at lost in terms of management especially for extremely complicated cases. Thus, I find myself running to any of my seniors or the specialists.

Am I confident now though?

Not really. Less terrified and yes somewhat a tad bit confident than when I initially begun. However, just a tad.

The fear is still there as I just do not know what to expect on the types of referrals I will receive during my call.

Some things just don’t change. The fear that I felt during my House Officer days are still there and at times, I wish that I could just simply disappear run away from the issue but doing so, does not help.

Thus, the only solution for me is to dive head on into the issue and call for help whenever needed.

If any of you are experiencing this, just know that you are not alone and sometimes the feelings felt internally just can’t be expressed properly either via words or verbally.

If you are showing up everyday despite feeling this way, you are doing a good job. Take comfort in that as it is not an easy thing to just do. Sometimes, showing up daily in itself is a hard task.

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