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My Reflection Of 2025
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2025, was indeed a year.
The year started out great, I worked on New Year’s Day as usual in the Department of Medical and in April, I entered into my final posting, the Emergency and Trauma Department. In May, I attended my best friend’s wedding.
In July, I completed my internship and received my full registration under the Malaysian Medical Council (MMC) as well as my Annual Practicing Certificate (APC) and started locumming during my holidays back home and I also started floating as a Medical Officer in the Department of Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery. It was a steep learning curve for me, transitioning from a House Officer into a Medical Officer. The anxiety increased and I was constantly tired. I remembered my love for medicine and service fading to the point I took a long break in October to recharge and reflect.
2025 was also the year, I handed in my 30-days-notice to resign but revoke it the following day. Perhaps it was too much for me, although the working environment and superiors were more than sweet and kind. Physically, I was catching up but mentally, I was fading away.
Looking back, thankfully, I did not. I celebrated my birthday before travelling back to Kuching the following day. 2025 was also the year when my relationship ended. It was a good and lovely 19 months. Perhaps, it was just time.
November was the month I received my letter stating that I will receive my placement and I needed to report for duty on the 24th of November 2025. One thing for sure, I was sure to continue serving in Sarawak. The place? Unknown yet.
On the 18th of November, I found out that I would need to report to the Health Division of Bintulu on the 24th of November 2025.
Bintulu, that’s around 7 hours drive from Kuching. I didn’t have a place to stay nor a car and my things were all unpacked and I was just extremely busy. I packed whatever I could, shipped some boxes back home, those that I managed to do and on the 23rd of November, I flew to Bintulu.
Thankfully, the doctor-in-charge of the Health Division was kind enough to let me know which place or clinic that I would be placed at.
Yes, clinic setting. I did not apply for a clinic setting which so happened to be what many others in my batch longed for. Surprisingly, I got it!
Considering the state of my mental health, I was more than ecstatic to accept it.
2025 was also the year I moved and started working in a new place and also one that speaks a different dialect. I started doing oncalls as well and surprisingly, adapted very quickly into a General Practitioner’s setting as well as the new place. I also met another colleague who was previously my medical officer in the Department of Obstetrics & Gynaecology when I was a House Officer and made new friends and acquaintances.
Overall, 2025 was a mixed of both good and bad experiences. I felt both the highs and also went through a period of low mood. New people entered my life, some stayed and some also left. Nevertheless, I am thankful for all the experiences I went through as well as the lessons learnt.
Hopefully, I can learn from the errors that I have made and grow, making me into a better person.
Thank you 2025. Now, it’s time to move on, to 2026.
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An article regarding my Reflection of 2025.
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#writing #doctor #malaysia #medicalofficer #houseofficer #2025 #reflection #blogging #healthcare
http://theoreticaldoctor.com/2026/01/16/my-reflection-of-2025/
My New Year’s Eve – 2025
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31st December 2025. I was NOT oncall.
It was a Wednesday and it was a normal working day. Hence, at 7:45am, I left to work as usual and was there by 8am. It was the New Year’s Eve. I thought that maybe, just maybe, there would be less patients in the clinic.
The day started off smoothly. Surprisingly, there were many patients who came for their follow up followed by additional patients (the defaulters and walk-ins) but it was manageable. We went about our day, seeing each patient and when lunch time came, we went for our lunch break.
At 2pm, we went about our work, seeing patients as usual and I was taking my time with each patient. The patient load in the afternoon shift was lower compared to the morning shift and both my colleagues were done with their patient load.
Suddenly, a staff nurse barged into my room saying that there is a massive accident that just occurred nearby, 2 patients were already brought in and 2 more were on their way. They called in all available doctors (which were only the three of us) to help out.
I told my colleagues to head out and help out first while I rushed through the consultation of my final patient. After that, I rushed to the tiny Emergency Room of the clinic. My colleague who was oncall on that day was already attending to a child. I went over to the other patient, an old lady and did my primary survey and fast scan.
She was desaturating badly under room air and needed oxygen support. She had an open skull fracture, multiple abrasion and laceration wounds over her face, upper and lower limbs as well as rib fractures and on top of that, her left leg appears shortened and she has a closed fracture over her right lower limb.
I didn’t think that we should proceed with an x-ray at our clinic even if we had the facility at that time, the best would be to send them straight away to the hospital because she could deteriorate further any time. Thankfully, her GCS (Glasgow Coma Scale) was full.
I was focused on my patient, stabilising while referring her to the specialists of various specialities as well as the emergency physician that when I finally got ready to transfer her out that I noticed the child that my other colleague was attending to. The child’s right arm was crushed and the distal limb of his right arm was pale and his right lung was obvious till mid-chest.
Just how in the world is he still awake? The poor child was crying out in pain…
Judging by the state of his and my patient’s injuries, it was definitely high impact.
The story was, the whole family were travelling back from Miri to Kuching. Both the parents were sitting in front and the father was driving whilst the two children and their grandmother were sitting at the back.
The father claimed that he was not speeding but as he was about to make a u-turn at a junction, he claimed to have hit the curb and the car turned many times into the other lane before finally stopping and the grandmother and one of the child were thrown out of the car.
It sounded like a very high impact collision. Thankfully, the parents and the other child were well and unscathed.
We had to transfer both patients in two separate ambulances to the Red Zone of the Emergency Department at Hospital Bintulu as one ambulance could only transport one patient at a time.
Upon arriving, I met my colleague and friend at the Red Zone of the hospital. After we have handed over to the medical officers and specialist in the Emergency Department, we headed back together. However, upon reaching back, there was another patient who came in who was extremely tachypnoiec.
Oh, here we go again… Another Red Zone referral…
We stabilised the patient and referred her to hospital again. The clock was already showing 10pm when we left. The journey to the hospital takes about 45 minutes to an hour for each journey and the both of us have yet to have our dinner. This time, I choose to accompany her for the referral, mainly for emotional support and also in hopes of stopping by McDonald’s to get a takeout.
Yes, we did stop by McDonalds after sending the patient safely to the hospital and yes, we used the ambulance and went through drive-through.
By the time we left, it was already 11pm. The journey takes around 45 minutes to an hour and it was raining heavily. At this point, I was wondering if we would end up celebrating New Year’s in the ambulance.
Me and my friend ate in the ambulance on the way back while we joked and exchange oncall stories. Thankfully, we reached a little before midnight. The day was completely unexpected, not to mention tiring but it was nice to have spent it with a friend.
It’s still the beginning of 2026, so if I’m not too late, Happy New Year!
If you are travelling anytime soon or in the future, do drive safely, stay within speed limits especially if it is raining. Remember to get your car and tyres checked before any long distance journey and NEVER drive under the influence.
Stay safe always!
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An article regarding of how I spent New Year's Eve, unexpectedly with a friend despite not being oncall for that day.
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http://theoreticaldoctor.com/2026/01/15/my-new-years-eve-2025/
Lazy Days As A Medical Officer
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Do lazy days make you feel rested or unproductive?
While I’m at work, I’d be looking forward to returning home or towards my off day. In contrary, while I’m at home or on my off day, I’d be thinking about returning to work.
Do you feel the same way?
Previously, as a House Officer, I’m used to the “one off day per week”. Whereas, as a Medical Officer, weekends and public holidays are granted off days, except if you’re well… oncall and that depends on your current department as well as some departments require you to put in a half day shift during weekends or public holidays.
I’d say for me, considering I live alone and I don’t even own a car here in Sarawak, I’m pretty much lazy and unproductive to the point I get restless sometimes.
That’s counter productive as rest days are meant to make you feel… rested, right?
Thus, on my off days, since I’m an early riser, I try not to disturb my circadian rhythm by getting up at the same time as usual every morning, partly because I forgot to off the alarm or somehow, my body clock just wakes me up every time.
To feel so-called “productive”, I’d do some studying with my morning coffee till I well, lose my focus, then I start wondering about lunch and start cooking, handwash my clothes because I’m too lazy to walk downstairs with a bag of clothes and finally doze off for my afternoon nap.
I’d then wake up in the evening to have dinner and pack my essentials and bag for work the following day before finally, retiring to bed early.
I really need to be more productive during my off days.
Even me writing this just sounds too depressing.
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A short article regarding my unproductive lazy days as a Medical Officer.
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http://theoreticaldoctor.com/2026/01/13/lazy-days-as-a-medical-officer/
Reflection: 2 Months As A Floating Medical Officer
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At the time of writing this article, I’m on leave which I took from the 1st of October till 15th of October, which my Head of Department (HOD) was more than kind enough to allow.
I needed the break, perhaps it was an adjustment disorder on my side but I was struggling. Physically, I caught up, I showed up and I was there but mentally, I felt left behind and lost and on most days, I was low.
Perhaps, it was out of tiredness as I have just recently off-tagged and in combination with my low mood, I felt demotivated and in general, felt that I have lost my love for medicine. I decided then that clinical life in the hospital was not for me. True, we were lacking doctors in various departments and hospitals in general across Malaysia. However, during that time, even if there enough manpower, I don’t think I would still want to continue.
I tried looking on the bright side, tiny things as well as the positive aspects of things to help me to get through the day.
Firstly, I’m thankful to be in a subspeciality department instead of the bigger and more hectic departments, I think I would have broken down within the first week itself. Secondly, I was in the department with the sweetest and kindest bosses who were more than happy to teach or lend a helping hand when needed. We are small in number, yes. But it felt like being part of a family.
I was happy, the environment was good, kind and non-toxic. However, mentally, I knew that this is not my place.
This further saddens me as I have always looked forward to being part of this lovely department. Yet, I knew, it’s just a matter of time before I slip and broke down. My body knew that I wouldn’t last long here nor do I foresee myself handling the complex and complicated cases here. If my interest is not here, how would I even make it through to specialise?
Amidst the business and my mind and body trying to keep up with the steep learning curve place before me, I was unable to view my options or to consider other departments.
I was just done in general and sadly, I wouldn’t be able to fulfil my quote in my medical school yearbook, I feel myself losing my will every single day nor do I find the strength within myself to serve.
Sadly,“sometimes what we like is not necessarily what is suited for us”, a fellow colleague told me and that hit me hard. I had no interest in other departments either or practicing in general at that point. All I could think of at that point was to quit and to hand in my resignation letter. After all, I have successfully completed my 2 years of internship / housemanship training. I can still locum if I wanted to. But of course, I didn’t enjoy it either. All I was ever passionate of was to teach. Thus, I considered changing my field and entering university as a lecturer did not sound appealing either as I did not like research at all.
Thus, after much contemplation, I approached my Head of Department (HOD) to validate my 30-day-resignation letter. My HOD is another kind soul who enquired to know what prompted me to come to such a decision. She signed my papers but advised me to consider changing departments instead of quitting.
However, at that time and at that current state of mind, I was fixed on my decision. Hence, the following week on a Monday, I submitted my 30-Days-Notice of Resignation, only to have it retracted the following day. Although I have handed in my 30-Days-Notice, a part of me felt a tinge of regret and sadness. Somehow, some part of me did not want to leave but I could not see any way out of this virtual box that I appear to be caged in.
My colleague and my parents played an important role in my decision to retract my resignation. Instead, despite my limited amount of leaves left for the rest of the year, I chose to take some time of work. Perhaps it was due to tiredness that contributed to my rash and impulsive decision.
On the 1st of October 2025, I took the first flight out and then throughout my leaves, I locummed at several General Practitioners. Remember when I said that I did not like locum either? This time, I decided to give it a second try and to keep an open mind.
The first GP I locummed at was a rather chill one with only 3 cases being seen throughout the whole day. The subsequent GPs were hectic and had multiple procedures, literally from the beginning of my shift till the end. In all of those times, I was the only doctor in the clinic. In my previous experiences, I have locummed at clinics which had 2-3 resident doctors.
Honestly, I don’t know how I managed to pull it off. Despite the hecticness and the patient load, I found myself looking forward to return and I enjoyed talking, listening and consulting the patients. It was fun. Slowly, I found myself enjoying and falling back in love with medicine and practicing medicine and thinking on how I could improve myself to serve better.
Then, I realised, perhaps venturing into family medicine might not be such a bad thing. True, there is abundant of family medicine doctors now and lack of doctors practicing in the hospital but that doesn’t mean that they are still not needed. Sadly, as much as I want to force myself to carry on and stay practicing in the hospital, I knew that it is not meant for me in the long haul or for me to last for even a year.
The opportunity to specialise is there but how can I continue if I can’t even see myself as one, or even have the inspiration?
Suddenly, the plan and my pathway seems clearer and I’m more than ecstatic to embark on my next journey. It was definitely the rest that I needed. To think and to reflect. If I were to stick to this journey, how can I do so for the long haul and at the same time, enjoy it?
I hope that in months or years to come, the decision to stay is the right choice. Perhaps, I still need time to discover my interest in this vast field. At times, I wish that it can be simple and that I would know what or which department I’m fitted to or destined to specialise in.
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An article regarding a break I took 2 months after I started floating as a Medical Officer.
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#medicalofficer #medical #medicine #hospital #malaysia #doctor #blogging #writing
http://theoreticaldoctor.com/2026/01/12/reflection-2-months-as-a-floating-medical-officer/
An article regarding my First SOLO oncall shift as a Floating Medical Officer after I have successfully completed my first month of tagging in the Department of Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery.
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http://theoreticaldoctor.com/2026/01/10/my-first-solo-oncall-shift-as-a-floating-medical-officer/
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The Theoretical Doctor
The Theoretical Doctor
