If Apple really wants to make my life better, they bring some powerful learning and models to Reminders.

As #actuallyaudhd, TODO lists make me absolutely miserable with overwhelm. It costs me A LOT, too much, to "be organized" and "get things done". There's a reason I've been unemployed for as long as I have (autistic burnout).

Help me reason through what is urgent, soon to be urgent, important, and how many spoons (energy/finite willpower/finite capacity) each will cost me, then help me adjust for that daily and then you'll have made something that meaningfully improves my life.

#Journal of a slightly more rested Dutch AuDHD Pixy  (Sunday, 07/06/2026).

After a very broken night, this night seemed to start in the same way. But, then I realized what could be the problem… I switched the bedding in the crate, and… Koa slept peacefully! He slept very well, as it was my bladder that woke me up after about 6 hours of snoozing, and not Koa. Although he had to go as well, when he got woken up by my loo visit. I asked for another hour of snoozing, Koa allowed me more, as I woke up two hours later, when my body told me it was time to move again.

We started our “day” as usual, with me grumbling over the scale, and trying to get dressed, while sharp teeth were nipping at my feet and pants. I fixed Koa’s meal, took my meds, and then I got to the couch with my laptop. Koa relaxed for a while on his own, and then his teeth got mad again, so I had to crate him for a bit. I wrote a long email to a sweet friend, and I wondered why certain parts of the internet seemed so slow, compared to usual. It wasn’t my connection, as I did check that, so I guess the internet was just taking things more leisurely at the time. Which was a bit frustrating, as I was trying to upload a “boring” video of me walking with Koa.

I wrote my journal toot, uploaded it to my blog and journal app as well, and then Koa and I went out for a short walk. When we got back, I fixed myself some brekkie, and I played a bit with AI. Then, I got interested in some old vacation pictures. I uploaded several to Flickr, as I realized they weren’t online there yet. I had AI help me with alt texts. And I shared a few on my Pixelfed. After that, I browsed the Fedi, liking and boosting some toots along the way…

Koa and I went for another walk, and then I fed the little dude. We played together for a while, and then he got too bitey again, and I had to crate him to force him to relax. He was so hyper, and I was afraid he might hurt himself (or me). It took a little while for him to settle down. And, when he did, I made use of the time to get to the treadmill. I managed to walk on it for 20 minutes, and then my back had enough. But, it was a bit longer than the previous day, and Koa had been OK with it.

I made some food, tried to relax a bit, and took Koa for another walk. Then, he got his snuffle mat, and we played again for a bit. When he was getting too busy again, meaning he was also getting tired, I crated him again, with a nice snack. I set up the tablet with the camera app, and then I headed upstairs. I wanted to ride the bike for a bit, and try to expand the time of me being away a bit more. We had managed 35 minutes, and I was hoping for a successful 45 minutes.

The first few minutes, Koa was being a bit restless, and barking at times. But, after about 5 minutes, I saw him settle down, and sleep a bit. I managed to ride the bike for 40 minutes, and when I got down, Koa was still relaxed! So yeah, we had a positive experience for sure. I still wish that Koa would not bark as much/long when I leave him on his own. But, for now, he always seems to settle after about 5 minutes, so that’s a good thing.

We went out for walkies, and then we tried to relax for a bit. I gave Koa his meal, and then made him relax a bit. I would play with him some before bedtime, to hopefully wear him out, so we could both get some decent snoozing in.

My brain was being a bit wonky, so I wrote another email to my sweet friend, and I worked a bit on a blog post. When it was getting time to prepare for bed, I played a bit with my little dude. Then, I placed his favorite toys in his crate. We went out, and he did a number one and two, which was good. And then, we headed for bed. My brain was still a bit wired. I had taken some extra meds, to hopefully help my brain to settle a bit better. Koa fell asleep, and I worked a bit on a blog post. When I felt my brain settle down, I tried to sleep as well.

Koa woke me up after about 5 hours! So I guess he had a good snooze. We went out, he did his things, and then, we got back to bed. I got another 4 hours, before he woke me up again. I didn’t sleep all of the time, but according to my watch, I had gotten about 7:23 hours of sleep. Unfortunately, I didn’t get a whole lot of deep sleep, so I still felt a bit tired when we got up. Hopefully, I will be able to catch a little snooze, as Monday would be a long day, with puppy class early in the evening.

Thanks to all for your kindness and support during my "journey through daily life"  I really appreciate it 💜 as it helps me to keep going on bad/harder days! 

 💜 🍀 🐾

#PixysJourney
#WeirdFolks
#ActuallyAuDHD

#Journal of an exhausted Dutch AuDHD Pixy  (Saturday, 06/06/2026).

Well, I was dead tired. After a night when Koa woke me up every 2½-3 hours, and then making some noise before getting back to sleep, I felt broken. I was so grouchy, that I even snapped at Koa. Of course, I felt such guilt immediately after that, so I cried and tried to cuddle him, while he tried to wiggle loose and bite me, haha. We got up a bit earlier, and we started our “day”.

The scale wasn’t my friend anymore. Where it had gone down a bit earlier this week, it now just keeps going up. I hate dealing with the exhaustion, as it makes me eat way too much… And I am not exercising enough, so yeah… I got dressed, fixed Koa’s meal, and I took my meds. Then, I went to the couch with my laptop, and I started a long reply email to a sweet friend. Followed up by my journal toot. When I was done, Koa and I went out on a short walkies.

I fixed my brekkie, and played a wee bit with some AI. Then, I uploaded several older vacation pictures to my Pixelfed, as I just felt like sharing them… I used the AI to help me with some decent alt texts, and it was nice to see some of the old snaps. Sure, some memories are harder to deal with now, after relationships got broken up, and all that. But there were still good times, back in the day, and it’s nice to see some pictures of those better moments…

I tried to relax on the couch for a while, as I was just so terribly tired. Koa allowed me some relaxing, but I could not snooze for a bit. After some time, we headed out for walkies again, and we had a longer walk than I had thought we’d get, which was nice. When we got back, Koa got some food, and we tried to relax for a bit. Then, I tried to play with him for a while, as I wanted to walk on the treadmill for a bit, and he needed to be relaxing in his crate then. So, we played, and after a while, he got to his crate.

He snoozed, while I tried to walk for a bit. But, my back still wasn’t too happy about it, and I only managed 15min-1k. Still, I had tried, so that was good. I was just annoyed that Koa would have allowed me more time, but my back didn’t. I tried to relax for a bit on the couch, but I just could not get comfortable enough. Ugh, this was going to be a long day…

Koa woke up, and we went for walkies again. We tried to play a bit at times, as I was hoping to wear Koa out a bit, so maybe, he would allow me a better sleep this night. We relaxed at times, had some walkies, played a little bit. And around 13:30, I was so tired, and we just got ready for bed.

All went well enough, until Koa woke me up after about 90 minutes of snoozing. Ugh, I felt really broken again/still. But, he had to do a number one and two, so he didn’t wake me up for nothing. When we went back to bed, he started whining and barking again. I gave him some water, and that seemed to help. But, just as I was dozing off again, Koa got back to barking. I realized that he may be to warm, so I switched the bedding of his crate, and told him I really needed some sleep.

Six hours later, my bladder woke me up! So, that was a good thing, as we both gotten some sleep then. I let Koa out for a wee, but still felt so tired. I asked Koa if I could sleep another hour. And… two hours later, my body woke me up, telling me it was time to start moving again. According to my watch, I got about 8:48 hours of sleep. And they were more than welcome and needed for sure… So, we got up, and we started our “day”.

Thanks to all for your kindness and support during my "journey through daily life"  I really appreciate it 💜 as it helps me to keep going on bad/harder days! 

 💜 🍀 🐾

#PixysJourney
#WeirdFolks
#ActuallyAuDHD
#KoaKoolani

Running Everything On Manual: Responding to “But Everybody Feels That”

It is... and it is not.

Archive: ia: https://s.faithcollapsing.com/i3qw2

#mental-health #neurospicy #actuallyaudhd #actuallyautistic #autism #neurodivergence
https://ideatrash.net/2026/06/running-everything-on-manual-responding-to-but-everybody-feels-that.html

#Journal of a slightly tired Dutch AuDHD Pixy  (Friday, 05/06/2026).

Well, we had a bit of a broken night, as Koa needed to go out several times. Which resulted in a tired and a bit grouchy Pixy, as she does need some quality sleep at times. But yeah, Koa is still a baby, so I guess that’s all part of raising a pup on your own. I am glad though that I don’t have any work responsibilities, as that would probably have killed me… I mean, dealing with work when you’re as tired as I feel now… Ugh… But yeah, when Koa woke me up, again, around midnight, we got up, and we started our “day”.

The scale was not too kind, which was my own fault. I have been tired so much lately, that I ended up eating more to keep going. And yeah, when one eats more than one exercises… Not the best combination. But I got dressed, prepped Koa’s meal, and I took my meds. When Koa had finished his kibble, I got to the couch, and grabbed the laptop. I started writing a long email to a sweet friend, and when Koa got too bitey, he got crated, which made my writing a bit easier. I worked on my journal toot, and updated all the bits and bops, before Koa and I went out for a short walk.

I fixed some brekkie for myself, and I tried to relax a bit. I had AI help me to write alt texts for a bunch of Koa pictures that I had taken the previous day. And then I just tied to relax for a while with some telly. After a while, Koa and I went out for walkies again. I fixed his kibble, and he enjoyed his meal again.

When he was done, we tried some of his exercises for a bit. It started well, but then he seemed to lose his focus, so we had to stop. I put him in his crate, and I went upstairs to try and ride the bike. But, I saw with the camera app, that Koa was not properly getting to his relaxing mode. So, after only 13 minutes of riding, I was getting down again. Koa and I did have a nice walk together, before we got to Skoosh to head to Nijmegen.

Mum and I had forgotten to take out my energy drinks from their car the day before, and I was running low. As they were going to close off the highway here for maintenance this weekend, I wanted to pick up the cans before the weekend started. So, we headed to Nijmegen to pick them up, When we got back again, I let Koa out, and I made some food.

I got a text that the big black fluff wanted my attention. I texted that I would eat as quickly as I could, and then Koa and I headed outside. The fluff got his cuddles and snacks, and his humom told me that it would not be too long, until we would have to say goodbye to him. He isn’t in too much pain, and he still wants to keep going, but his body is just getting too worn down. It was hard to hear it, even though we knew it was coming sooner than later now. Hopefully, he can make it for a few more weeks, and then they will “let him join Arwen”, as his humom called it… 😢 Yeah, the hardest thing of owning a dog… Getting to that last goodbye… 😭

I had some more food, and gave Koa his snuffle mat. Then, we tried to relax for a bit. But somehow, Koa struggled to find his peace… I was waiting for the parcel delivery to come round, as they would have Koa’s new kibble. When they had delivered it, I fed my little boy, and we went out for a short walkies.

As I was rather tired, I tried to relax for a while. I put Koa in the crate, as he was using his teeth for not too good causes… And I tried to relax with some telly for a while. I had been watching a newly added series to SkyShowtime, called “Prisoner”. I missed some things at times, because I was a bit too tired to focus. After some time, we went out for the last time, and then we got to bed.

It wasn’t a good night, unfortunately, as Koa woke me up about every 2½-3 hours. It drove me bonkers, and I got quite grouchy with him at the end. Of course, two minutes later, I felt all guilty over being a grouch… So, unfortunately, we got up a bit earlier than I hoped for, and, exhausted as I was, we started our “day”.

Thanks to all for your kindness and support during my "journey through daily life"  I really appreciate it 💜 as it helps me to keep going on bad/harder days! 

 💜 🍀 🐾

#PixysJourney
#WeirdFolks
#ActuallyAuDHD

Running Everything On Manual: Responding to “But Everybody Feels That”

“Doesn’t everybody feel that?”

You hear it all too often when you’re neurodivergent. I was trying to explain what RSD — rejection sensitive dysphoria — felt like while managing an episode of it, and was doing a poor job. I’d just quoted neuroclastic:

RSD can be incredibly intense, and we can feel it to the core of our being as intense physical pain, discomfort, and sensory overwhelm. It can be almost impossible to reign in these sensations when an intense episode is triggered.

But it still wasn’t getting the feeling across. That it’s not just “oh, I feel rejected” in the same way. That I wasn’t whining, or trying to hold a pity party. I was fully aware that my reaction was disproportionate to the objectively small triplet of rejections I’d been hit with that morning. Living alongside the wave of RSD was my extreme annoyance at experiencing it at all.

But that realization led me to a better comparison.

We all are affected by blood sugar. Whether it’s a “food coma”, being “hangry”, or somewhere inbetween, what you eat changes how your body operates. Paying attention to your blood sugar and the glycemic index and composition of the food you eat can produce real benefits for anybody.

But while those are good things for all people, they are mandatory, require a greater level of attention, have greater effects upon, and have to be manually controlled by people with diabetes. The techniques that diabetics use may be helpful for non-diabetics (though, such as with continuous glucose monitors, the amount of help for non-diabetics may be minimal), but monitoring blood sugar and paying attention to your diet is not optional for someone with diabetes.

Planning on having a large meal later? You have to prepare ahead of time. Want to do something where you won’t have access to food for a long time? You have to prepare in case your blood sugar dips too low. The consequences of failing to prepare are not temporary discomfort, but possibly coma and death.

And my irritation at having to pay attention to those things due to my own high blood sugar is exactly the same irritation I have with some of the more troublesome neurodivergent traits I have. Things that other people just do or intuit automatically, for me, require working through the steps manually.

For the RSD in particular: Yes, everyone feels rejection. It’s unpleasant for everyone. As I understand it, most people don’t have to manually deduce that what they’re feeling is rejection from the symptoms. They do not have to explicitly assess whether that rejection, once identified, is justified. They do not need to manually do techniques to bring their physiological response back to a more reasonable response.

And that’s just one trait.

I’ve discovered that overstimulation — good or bad — has an effect on not only my mental state, but my physical one as well. I have to actively curate my environment for hours both before and after a high-energy social engagement to avoid experiencing a meltdown from overload.

I can suppress it and “power through”, but I will pay for it later. After one recent period of “powering through” a stressful situation, I had intense fatigue and full-body aches (like the flu but without the sneezing and coughing or fever) that made me useless for a day, and really messed with my emotional state for days afterward. The effect is noticeable — if I’m not careful — even with “good” stress, like a big positive change in my life, or an enjoyable (but intense) experience, like going to a local music show, or going to Pride events. If I’m careless, the effects can be large even for small, excellent things, like how I was practically non-verbal for a few hours after watching Project Hail Mary in theaters. (1)

That’s very similar to the way my dad (and other diabetics) have to spend extra attention to blood sugar, his insulin, what one eats, and activity levels throughout the day.

So yes, everybody does feel “that”, probably, to some degree. Everybody feels rejection. Everybody gets overwhelmed. Everybody has blood sugar. Everybody has limits.

But not everybody has to live by manually monitoring those systems in order to stay functional.

(1) I often pause films, particularly emotionally intense ones, in order to avoid this effect.

Featured Image by Gerhard Bögner from Pixabay

#Journal of a slightly relaxing Dutch AuDHD Pixy  (Thursday, 04/06/2026).

Koa woke me up twice during the night. Still, according to my watch, I got around 8 hours of sleep, which felt OK enough. I do better with just one waking during the night, but I prefer Koa waking me to go outside, than to wake up, and have to clean the crate, and all in it… So, we got up around our usual time, and we started our “day”.

The scale was still being annoying, but I know it’s my own fault… I crave energy too much these days, and it’s making me eat too much. I am trying to get some exercise back into my life, but it goes slowly, and due to my back and leg, I can’t fully go for it. Still, everything that I can do, will be a positive thing for sure.

I got dressed, fixed Koa’s meal, took my meds, and grabbed my laptop. I wrote a long email to my sweet friend, and I started writing my journal toot after that. When I was done with both, and I had updated everything with the journal text, Koa and I headed out for a short walkies

When we got back, I fixed myself some brekkie, and we relaxed a bit for a while with some telly. I tried to write a bit for my blog as well. Still feels good to see so many posts scheduled to be shared for the upcoming days… After some relaxing, it was getting light out again, and Koa and I headed out for walkies again.

After that, I put the old paper and cart-board out, as they were coming to pick that up today. It was a day when rain came and went, and sometimes, it came hard. So I was fortunate that it was dry when I had to walk a few times to get everything to the curb. Koa was inside, and I didn’t hear him bark. I don’t know if that means that he’d been quiet while waiting, or that I just didn’t hear it…

I fixed Koa’s food. And then we relaxed for some more time. I turned on the telly, and it decided to start up my PS5. It does that sometimes, and I don’t know why! I checked all the settings, and it should not be doing it… But yeah, it did it again, and I took it as a sign to play some No Man’s Sky. I slowly made some progress with the expedition. I logged off for a meal, and a walk with Koa.

I wanted to get online again, when bestie called me on her way to the physio. So, we chatted for a while… When she had arrived, I logged back on to NMS. I tried to hook up with a friend from Mastodon, who was playing on PC. And while we could make a group, my game went all laggy, and the voice chat never seemed to work. After a while, my game even crashed. So, that wasn’t the best experience, unfortunately. I did manage to finish the first phase, and I made a nice start on the second. But I never managed to make a working group with my friend.

When my hands were getting too sore, I logged off and watched some telly. Another walk with Koa, and he enjoyed his snuffle mat for a while as well… And then, he had positioned himself under the couch, yes he still fits, sort of, when the back door opened. Mum was coming in. It startled Koa, and he gave a bark! And then he struggled to get out from under the couch, as he was too excited, and the space was tighter now, as he is growing so well…

Mum and I took Koa to the Welkoop store. Unfortunately, they didn’t have the kibble in the store, so I only got the cans. We then went to Schaijk, where I got some groceries, and my medication. I tried the little pet store in our town, but they didn’t carry Koa’s kibble brand either. So, we went back home, and I ordered the big bag online. If all goes well, it should be delivered on Friday. Maybe Saturday, if things don’t go as planned…

Koa and I had some food, and we relaxed. The weather was still very gray and wet at times. When it was time to get ready for bed, I prepared everything. It didn’t take too long for Koa to doze off, and I followed him about half an hour later.

Koa woke me up twice during the night. The first time, I did ask him if he also needed a poop… But he wouldn’t do it. So, of course, when I was dozing off again, he realized that he did need a poop, so I had to get up again, and he did his business. When he woke me up again, it was around midnight, and time to start our “vampy” day…

Thanks to all for your kindness and support during my "journey through daily life"  I really appreciate it 💜 as it helps me to keep going on bad/harder days! 

 💜 🍀 🐾

#PixysJourney
#WeirdFolks
#ActuallyAuDHD
#KoaKoolani

#Journal of a slightly rested Dutch AuDHD Pixy  (Wednesday, 03/06/2026).

After some shorter nights, Koa allowed me to have a longer one. He woke me up once, around 17:30, and when we settled again, he snoozed for quite a while. He whined a bit around 22:30, and I woke up half, and asked him for another hour. Apparently, he was OK with it, as he didn’t wake me up again until around 0:30. According to my watch, I had slept about 9 hours. Dunno if I really had, but I did feel a little less tired. Of course, I did feel a bit sore, but what else is new?

I started my usual routine, with the scale dropping a wee bit, and getting dressed, and fixing Koa’s food, and taking my meds… 😇 I got to the couch, got my laptop, and I started a reply to an email from a sweet friend. When I had finished it, I started on the journal toot post. Koa woke up, and we headed out for a short walk. Then, I finished my journal toot, uploaded it to Mastodon, added it to my journal app, and my journal blog, and I had some brekkie.

Koa and I tried to relax for a while, as he was snoozing, and I watched some telly. I tried to play a bit with some AI, but somehow, things I had asked it to do before, it seemed to struggle with now. I did get some results, but they could have been better, had the AI been more cooperative this time. I made a little “Koa pride” video, and made an avatar with that, which I uploaded to my Pixelfed. After some more relaxing, Koa and I headed out for another walk.

Bestie called me on her way to work. And after that, I walked Koa again. Then, I got him in his crate, I set up the camera on the tablet, and I headed upstairs to ride my bike for a bit. For a few minutes, Koa gave an occasional bark. But, after that, he settled down, and was still resting when my half hour of riding was done, and I got downstairs again. He was such a good boy, and I was/am so proud of him.

I had a little snack, and then Koa and I went out for another walk. I tried to relax a bit with some more telly, and we practiced the new class assignment, and some more of the “give paw”. Koa was doing very well. We played a little after that, well, more like Koa ran around, and I just giggled at his silliness. We relaxed for a bit, and when the rain stopped for a moment, we headed out for another walk.

Koa and I relaxed for a bit, and when he was snoozing in his crate, and my body felt a bit better, I decided to use the treadmill. I walked it for 12 minutes, at a low pace, with a slight incline for the first 10 minutes. It was hard, but it also felt good. Koa was OK in his crate, and didn’t even bark when I used the mill. Yay, some more progress.

We went out for another walk, we relaxed some more, and then, when it was time to get ready for bed, we prepared everything. It took me a little while to fall asleep, as I saw an email from a sweet friend come in, and I wanted to read that before snoozing. I fell asleep after a while, and then Koa woke me up around 17:30. We went out, he did his thing, after a while, and we went back in. He was a bit restless, and then I offered him some water, and he relaxed, so yay, I “understood” what he wanted and needed. He woke me up again around 21:30, and we went out again. He did his thing, and back to bed we got. Around midnight, Koa woke me up again, and it was time to start our “day”.

Thanks to all for your kindness and support during my "journey through daily life"  I really appreciate it 💜 as it helps me to keep going on bad/harder days! 

 💜 🍀 🐾

#PixysJourney
#WeirdFolks
#ActuallyAuDHD
#KoaKoolani