The tips in the reply are really spot-on! Not just #PaganCommunities, but any kind of event or protest where #ToxicMasculinity, #Egotistic "leaders", and #ActivistBros lurk -- waiting to manipulate their next victim!
Question on Reddit from 2021: How do you deal with a toxic pagan community?
Answer (by sidhe_elfakyn)
"Background
I don't have experience with organizing Pagan events, but I have several years of experience with organizing events in general. My main area of focus has been event safety and culture, especially related to abuse and harassment. I burned out after about 4 years or so and I disconnected from that for a few years, but I'm getting back into it, at least informally.
Introduction
Unfortunately, toxic, unsafe events are extremely common. I believe one of the factors that exacerbates the situation is the fact that religion and spirituality are one of those key areas of the self where people can find a sense of shared identity, meaning, and direction. Leaders can act as gatekeepers for someone's feeling of belonging and acceptance, and that's prime ground for abuse.
Regarding what you can do: one of the key aspects is ensuring that your events are safe. You've got your events, and you have other events and the community at large. The first one you have a great deal of influence over; for the most part you have only indirect influence over the second.
At your events
The key words for leading safe events are culture and values. Culture comes from the top down. You want to engender the culture at your events that matches your values (for instance, a value that attendee safety and comfort is paramount). Your community will self-select based on the culture of your events. So if you want to maximize women's feeling of safety, that needs to be baked into your events' culture.
The primary way to do that is through policies and processes.
- Have policies in place around #harassment and #ToxicBehavior, including #consequences for harassment. Publicize your policies, put them front and center. That right there will already select out a lot of toxic people and include people who feel unsafe at other events.
- Publicize a way to report harassment and other toxic behavior. Make it easy. It's already hard enough to come forth with reports of harassment.
- Have a process to investigate and handle such reports (offer both anonymous -- where the reporter doesn't share their identity -- and confidential -- where the reporter shares who they are but you keep it secret -- options). Be particularly mindful of the emotional burden and potential trauma of the person who reported it.
- Make sure your processes are capable of dealing with reports of leaders committing abuse.
- Remember that if you don't remove toxic people from your events, you'll drive away their victims instead.
Your events will thus differentiate themselves from others where there is toxicity. Your membership will form into people who will uphold your event's culture of safety. There's a lot to be said here, these are just some ideas.
Interacting with other leaders and events at large
There will hopefully be other organizations like yours, that pay particular attention to safety. Reach out to those leaders, establish communication, form a network.
Vet those organizations to make sure they are a right match for you. Create joint activities and events. This way your culture and values of safety will spread. You will lead by example and show that your events are safer, more comfortable, people are more engaged, participate more etc.
What about toxic leaders and events?
I've yet to find a way to influence other leaders into being less toxic. You can carve out a pocket of safety at your events but if a leader and event are toxic, it is very important to not affiliate yourself with them. Don't recommend people to their events, don't do joint activities etc.
Having been on both sides, both as an attendee who has been sexually harassed and abused, and as an event organizer, I can say that affiliating yourself with toxic leaders will simply send the message to the people at your events that you are OK with their behavior (even if you're actually not, that's unfortunately the message that is being sent!); people will pick up on that and your event's culture and the people who go at your events will reflect that.
There is no changing #ToxicLeaders' minds. The most important thing is to make sure your events are safe and to associate yourself with other safe leaders, and to disassociate yourself from toxic people. This will send the message that you are, in fact, not ok with that behavior and you will not associate with it.
What about events that aren't intentionally toxic?
I've seen plenty of leaders who want a safe community but inadvertently foster an unsafe one. This can happen for many many possible reasons, and it is an art and science in itself to figure out what's going on and address it. Keep an open channel of communications with these leaders. Lead by example. Show them how you do things and how your community is safe. If you do joint events, be very very careful; you don't want to expose your communities to toxic behavior, since people will be made uncomfortable or possibly even harmed and trust in your events' safety will be broken.
Share your expertise, share your policies, offer mentorship and coaching, but don't overextend yourself. Your primary responsibility is towards your events and members.
Closing thoughts
I'm in the NYC area. Of the types of events that I used to lead, I can only think of a handful of safe ones. In New York Fucking City, only a small handful. However the community around these events is magnificent. New people seek out the safe events, word spreads, and these events are some of the most vibrant and alive, because people will return when they feel safe and welcome, when they feel their concerns are taken seriously and acted upon, and when leadership holds itself accountable, too.
There will always be toxicity around. However, if you carve safety at your events, others will take notice. Over time, a network will form of safe events and leaders. Toxic leaders will keep being toxic, but the leaders who are having trouble creating a safe event will take note, will follow your lead, and will come to you for mentorship and guidance.
Good luck! It will be difficult but extremely rewarding."
Source:
https://www.reddit.com/r/paganism/comments/p2f4ik/how_do_you_deal_with_a_toxic_pagan_community/
#WeKeepUsSafe #EventSecurity #SafeEvents #Accountability #Leadership #EventSafety #BuildingCommunity #BelieveVictims
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