True Qualities

My altruism may be my most cynical quality, after all who will help everyone if I don’t?

Labors Dry

The haunting pain of labors dry

My soul begins to close within my daunting try

Flaunting in vain my neighbors pry

My joy becomes gaunt before I cry

The Wandering Notion

This is a story of a wandering notion

A thought of glory thundering in emotion

Shuddering as a quarry deep with commotion

Clinging to life fluttering leaping of devotion

How the bliss squandered was lesson learned

Miss pine wander it churned the wind of these parts was earned

Now the kiss of the past pondered and yearned

Hiss whine maunder now spurned my heart had now turned

#ArchiveWasPublic_ #love #mad #notion #poems #poet #poetry #sad #TherapeuticWriting #upset #Writings

Monday is a good day to give a little #MentalHealth update.

I have started #TherapeuticWriting a while ago and started writing my #AutoBiography. So a few days ago I did some research on #WritingTherapy. Aparently there are no psychotherapists in Vienna that offer writing therapy, but I found one coach that does it as a thing you can do besides therapy. She works at an institute with lots of psychiatrists and psychotherapists and since I'm looking for a new psychiatrist and a new therapist I went there to have a talk with one of the psychiatrists.

He was very nice and seemed very competent. He said I had 4 options to improve on my medical treatment. I already take a lot and he said taking more of what I have or exchanging pills with similar one probably won't have any effect. So these are the 4 things he said could help with my therapy-resistent, chronic #depression:

1. Mirtazepin - another pill I'd take in the evening which would improve my situation but make me fat (I'm already fat from taking Seroquel for a while - 30kg more than my target weight)

2. Lithium - would also help, but has a low therapeutic margin, so I'd have to have my blood checked every week to adapt the dose

3. Ketamin - a "party drug" I'd get administered in a hospital where I'd have to stay for a few hours. You usually get a few treatments and then you're good for a while until you need another treatment

4. Electroconvulsive therapy - basically shock treatment that emulates epileptic seizures which are proven to help with depression. This is the most invasive, but also the most promising procedure when it comes to long term effects.

So I decided to go through with electroconvulsive therapy.
I'll have to be administered to the hospital for a few weeks and I don't know when that will be yet.

Also I'll start #PsychoAnalysis and the writing coaching in that institute as well as two group therapies soon.

Depression, I'll beat you!

#NotJustSad #DepressionSucks