In the #Smizzerite faith, today is not only Smiday, it is the 32nd of #Smubruary! I will observe this day as I observe many others, with a sense of wonder and a dearth of practical knowledge. #PraiseTheSmub #SmibbitySmub

As Dwight K Schrute would say,
Today is the #solstice. Summer for the southern hemisphere, winter for the northern. It is but one of an infinite number of points along one of an impossible-to-fathom number of orbits.
Assign to it whatever importance you deem appropriate. #Smizzerite #SmibbitySmub

It’s official. I am an #ordained #minister thanks to #UniversalLifeChurch. Need a chump to officiate a wedding, a ritual divorce, an exorcism, or some other crap? I’m your guy; hit me up! Disclaimer: I don’t really follow that God guy. He’s fine but his closest crew are mostly assholes. I’m into the #Smub, an entity formerly consisting of individual superbeings who decided to join forces (and identities) in the #GreatSmush. This may sound crazy to folks, but any crazier than other religions?!?! #PraiseTheSmub #SmibbitySmub

In the #Smizzerite tradition, not only are holiday parties, family dinners and other such lifeforce drainers not mandatory, it is considered offensive to be invited, or even unvited, to one. Now you have an easy out and an excuse errrr rationale for your righteous indignation! Join the #Smizzerite faith today. Praise the Smub! #SmibbitySmub

This Smubruary won’t you please remember to…you know what, there isn’t anything to remember. Smubruary is about routine and balance. Not expectations. Smizzerism is cool like that. And if you expect anything from me, well that’d be faith-based discrimination under the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and I’ll sue! Praise the Smub! #SmibbitySmub