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The Golden Telephone

A man was touring all the great cathedrals of Europe. He starts in Notre-Dame, and he is confused to see a golden telephone on a marble pillar. He asks the bishop what is for.

"Oui, monsieur. Zat ees a direct line to 'eaven. Pour one thousand Euros, you may speak weeth Dieu."

The man rolls his eyes and moves on.

Later on in Cologne, he sees the same thing. The Bishop gives him the same answer:

"Ja, mein Herr. Zis iss a direct line to Himmel. Fur ein tousand Euros, you may sprechen mit Gott."

Later on in St. Peter's Basilica in Rome, he's shocked and disappointed to see the same thing. The Cardinal tells him, "Si, signore. Dat isa directa linea to Paradiso. For one thousand Euro, you cana talka to God."

Utterly disgusted by the profiteering, he finishes his tour at a tiny chapel in Scotland.

To his shock, he sees another golden telephone on a marble pillar. "Lemme guess, a thousand pounds to talk to god?"

"Nae, lad. 20 pence."

"What? Everywhere else in Europe it was a thousand euros?"

"Aye, but ye're in Scotland, noow, lad. It's a local call."

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A man has to give a urine sample for a check up (Long)

The doctor says “come here on an empty stomach and we’ll give you a bottle to pee in.
On the day of the exam, the man forgets about not eating and has eggs for breakfast.
He goes to the hospital, pees in the bottle, gives it to the doctor. He’s looks at it and says “I told you to come here on an empty stomach and you eat eggs? Come back in a week time ON AN EMPTY STOMACH”
He’s surprised by his doctor’s ability but slightly taken aback by his tone.

Come next week he’s on his way to the hospital, on an empty stomach. He’s absolutely starving. Unfortunately, someone is selling delicious hot dogs just in front of the hospital door. He can’t resist, he buys one, wolfs it down, then goes to see the doctor.
Pees in the bottle, the doctor looks at the sample and edgily remarks “Was the hot dog nice? STOP WASTING MY TIME AND COME BACK NEXT WEEK ON AN EMPTY STOMACH”.
The man is mystified by the doctor’s strange gift but mostly angry at his terrible attitude.

So come next week, he decides to pull a trick. He asks his wife to pee in a bottle , then pops his car bonnet, grabs the oil dipstick and dips it in the bottle too. “I want to see what that jerk says to that”
Goes to the hospital, grabs the bottle then secretly pours his own blend in it.
Gives it to the doctor, who glances at it, then looks closer, then against the window.
He finally says “Hm. This is not a good sign. Your wife is two months pregnant by your brother Steve and your 1989 Accord’s second cylinder is about to fail”

Wisdom for the ages

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EA finally did it to itself...

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