One friend said: "Remember $name who moved away?". Another friend was like: "Yeah, a great musician, but they made inappropriate advances towards me when they were drunk".
And the first friend was like: "That happened to me to and made me very uncomfortable.".

It's quite unsettling to realize that the only reason I didn't know that side of that person is that I'm ugly enough that no one makes any advances towards me. I don't know if I actually wish that situation was different.

#consent

I'm having an issue about "ongoing consent" at my dojo... and I would greatly appreciate Fedi's take on my story. (Clarifying here - consent to practice martial arts, not sexual stuff. But there's a link.)

Last time I attended practice, a smart ass decided he wouldn't let go keeping me in a hold, until I strike hard enough to make him flinch. I refuse. He insists, says I'm not going to learn anything if he lets go. I say no, say that's not going to happen, tell him to stop, and that's enough. He still doesn't get it, and gets the instructor to pile on.

That's when I blow my fuse. Feeling trapped physically and emotionally, I use another technique and joint lock to get out of the hold, and nearly jumped the guy. In a moment of clarity I hastily grabbed my clothes from the change room and left with my gi still on.

After a week of talking with everyone, the head instructor's take is "well that's martial arts - that's on you and your uke. Don't expect us to stop when you say no."

I've got a fundamental problem with that. It's clear in the (Canadian) Criminal code that after withdrawing consent, I'm no longer "on the mat." I'm no longer a willing participant.

When I grew up in the 70s and 80s, nearly half the girls would get raped before they finished high school. How did these stories came about? Invariably, start with a yes, girl withdraws consent, guy holds girl and forces himself unto her. How did authority (school, police, judges) react back then? "Well, you must have said yes at one point!" or "what were you wearing?"

My wife's mind went to the same place when I told her the story. She was fuming. "That's it. Always the victim's fault. Always get told you were a tease."

Doesn't anyone remember that era? Or I'm not even sure - has that even changed? What's the experience with that in the 90s, the 00s? Or did I grow up in such a rough place?

I have no idea what I'm going up against... but I feel there's a big clash of values here and I'm starting to wonder if I'm asking too much.

#rapeculture #dojo #martialarts #jiujitsu #consent #ConsentMatters

Persuasion is not a side effect of technology; it’s often the point. Every interface, every notification, every design decision carries with it an intent to influence behaviour.
Sometimes persuasion serves someone else’s agenda, nudging us to buy, scroll, work harder or give up privacy.
The same persuasive techniques can empower or exploit, depending on who controls the system, what goals they pursue and whether they have meaningful consent.

https://theconversation.com/is-your-ai-chatbot-manipulating-you-subtly-reshaping-your-opinions-280800

#AI #LLM #Consent #FreeWill

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