I'm experiencing a new (to me) part of CPTSD recovery: preventing slips from turning into slides.

I don't remember where I heard that phrase recently, but I think the person was saying something like "with shame, any slip up can trigger a shame spiral, where you end up using, or doing other things that you'll regret (and are trying to avoid!)". The idea is that if you remove the shame part, a slip up stays a slip and you get back on the horse tomorrow...no slide into the depths.

I'm experiencing that right now and trying to keep moving past various slip ups - bad habits that I'm working to change, but still slipping up from time to time. The idea is to evaluate - after the slip up - whether the price was worth it....and hopefully have the presence of mind to make any future slip ups small and easy to recover from.

Anyway, I think this is a good sign. Because instead of feeling anxious and out of control most of the time (with maybe small periods of calm in between), I'm aiming to feel calm and not-impulsive most of the time. And if impulsivity or laziness wins on a given day, it's not a huge problem because I feel confident that I can get back on track the next day. Because there IS something I'm working towards in terms of improving myself and not just wallowing and feeling stuck. Momentum! The key idea here is maintaining momentum 🚴‍♀️.

#CPTSD #recovery #anxiety #BrainStuff

I have failed to sleep.

#insomnia #n24SWD #brainstuff #adhd #autism

I really want to be sleeping right now but my brain is really engaged with thinking about work and other responsibilities (and things I forgot from earlier, plus yesterday’s cooking).

#BrainStuff #Insomnia

How my brain works:

I pull a cable out from behind some gear and it makes some kind of resonant knocking sounds as it comes out.

This little thing will become part of a new sort of melody that I am always singing to myself, repeatedly, like a never-ending, ever-present minimal piece as an earworm.

My therapist thinks it might a kind of comfort mechanism. I used to sing and rock myself to sleep until I was a teenager.

For as long as I can remember I am singing to myself.

#OCPD #brainstuff