I can't say enough about being succinct.

This day in history. 1958. A poll revealed that 60% of Canadians favoured a flag with a maple leaf, 13% a Union Jack, 27% sasquatches doing it.

Mastodon feels like the start of a party before anyones had a chance to get drunk and vomit in the fridge

Santa: Donner, you're in charge of the Christmas party.
Donner: The Donner’s gonna throw a party.
Santa:
Donner: Ain't no party like a Donner party.
Santa: Stop calling it that.

*beaming message into outer space*

Y o u g o t a n y n e w v e g e t a b l e s w e c a n t u r n i n t o n o o d l e s ?

Whoever named the Zamboni should get to name more things.

All the bands of my youth doing reunion tours should unanimously agree to only play shows that start at 7pm on a Saturday.

Who came up with Snickers Minis? Why do we need 1/16th of a Snickers bar? These aren’t even bite sized. I have to take them 4 at a time like ibuprofen.

Arkansas is just Kansas but with more pirates