“Hello, yes, I’m going to need a tray of mixed hors d’oeuvres delivered this Thursday at noon to the blue Acura parked next to the dumpster behind the Kohl’s on 14th Street.”

“Everyone say cheese!”
“Cheese!”
“Cheese!”
“Cheese!”
“Cheese!”
“Fuck you, Theresa.”

♫ Singin' joy to the world

if you take the wrong one and keep sneezing, you’re gonna have a whole other problem

when someone’s attempting to explain crypto to me for the third time while i sit there trying to imagine their death in different creative ways

CAN’T EVEN CALL MYSELF A DOOR
I HAVE NO PURPOSE
LIFE IS MEANINGLESS
REALITY IS AN ILLUSION
LEAVE ME TO MY SHAME

“Walk in a sad cowboy, leave a jolly rancher.”

Not now, honey. Daddy is entertaining strangers on the internet for free.