josh dobbin

@joshdobbin
24 Followers
52 Following
148 Posts

Hello! I am Josh Dobbin, a human noun engaged in the verb of being.

I currently travel ninety miles per second around the sun, one hundred and thirty six miles per second around the galaxy, and one hundred and eighty five miles per second within the local cluster of known galaxies. I accomplish these spectacular feats of velocity all while standing perfectly still.

josh dobbinFeb 19, 2023

@blainecapatch "This summer, when you're walking down the hall, and you feel something fall..."

"-Pop quiz, hotshot, what do you do?"
"-More like poop quiz, hotshit, what do you doo-doo, amirite?"

"This summer, it hits the fan..."

josh dobbinDec 20, 2022
Roxi Horror 💀🌸Dec 11, 2022
Drink water. Eat vegetables. Be nice to animals. Exercise regularly. Explore nature. Find a small door under a tree. Open it. Take a look inside. Get pepper sprayed by a tiny elf. Learn a valuable lesson about knocking first.
Show threadjosh dobbinDec 20, 2022
@mcc Don't mean to barge in on your mental notepad, but whenever the chasing drugs to counteract other drugs thing crops up as a topic, I hear the childhood "she swallowed the spider to catch the fly" song playing distantly in my head.
Show threadjosh dobbinDec 19, 2022
@DessertGeek @Emilynussbaum YES. Very "Doozers from Fraggle Rock" energy.
Show threadjosh dobbinDec 17, 2022
@batkaren I cracked up for a good minute at this. Thank you.
Show threadjosh dobbinDec 17, 2022
@PatrickZircher I read it over a series of bed-times to my oldest daughter when she was in 3rd grade. It was one of the sweetest times of my life, so far.
josh dobbinDec 17, 2022
Sparky SantosDec 16, 2022
@Hawkworld
Show threadjosh dobbinDec 16, 2022
@swordsjew This is both fascinating and wonderfully written.
Show threadjosh dobbinDec 15, 2022
@SirEviscerate This is Mitch-Hedberg-level brilliant.
josh dobbinDec 15, 2022
SirEviscerate Dec 15, 2022

Me: I want you to throw this entire pitcher of water at my face while I'm asleep tonight. But, like, slowly.

Humidifier: Okay.