Dan Ports

@dan@discuss.systems
3.7K Followers
527 Following
10.3K Posts

Distributed systems, operating systems, networking research.

Principal Researcher, Microsoft Research; affiliate faculty, University of Washington.

But realistically: mainly cat photos, food and wine, and bad jokes.

I also administer https://discuss.systems/

webhttps://drkp.net/
Dan Ports2h ago
Neil Brown3h ago

Sometimes, I receive questions which leave both me, and the person asking, bamboozled.

> Your website loads so quickly! What CDN do you use?

There is no CDN. It is just really small and simple, mostly text.

> Sure, but is that Cloudflare, or...?

None. It is a tiny website, just a few kilobytes per page, on a tiny server, at my home, connected to the Internet via my ISP, Andrews & Arnold.

> But are you / they in the cloud?

No. The webserver is in Newbury, in my garage.

> Neil, please can you pass my questions to your technical person? I don't think you understand, your website cannot be in your home. It must be in the cloud or have a CDN.

*Neil puts on glasses and false nose and moustache*

Dan Ports2h ago
Irene Zhang4h ago
I recently realized that I’ve been unconsciously striving to be known for being nice. Many other people probably want to be known for being smart or rich or popular, but I realized that I actually prioritize being nice. I’d really like the leave the world a little better for everyone else than I found it and I really admire other people that feel the same. I’ve known a few people with a reputation in our community for being nice and I really want to “grow up” to be like them and not the people with the most papers or startups. I think the other folks in my group at MSR feel similarly (I feel like one could rightly say that Jay Lorch is famously nice) and I really enjoy being around them for that reason. So if that is a core value for you, think about explicitly prioritizing it and building your reputation around it. Even if it’s not amazingly effective by other metrics, I think you might find your life and career happier if you do.
Dan Ports16h ago
SheridanJun 6
Both DoorDash and UberEats are now including AI generated menu item descriptions. Probably something to be aware of if you have food allergies. 😐 #AI #UberEats #DoorDash #fuckAI
Dan Ports16h ago
Elba20h ago
Saturdays with my baby. 
Dan Ports18h ago
Nicholas Grossman1d ago
There are only three political positions in America today 1) I like the fascism 2) I'll acquiesce to the fascism (reasons for this one vary: cowardice, access, denial, misguidedly thinking that acquiescence is savvy, etc) 3) I oppose the fascism The rest is details
Dan Ports18h ago
ACM SIGCOMM18h ago

The 9th Asia-Pacific Workshop on Networking will take place on August 7-8, 2025, in Shanghai, China. The early-bird registration deadline is June 30, Anywhere on Earth. And the registration deadline is July 23, AoE. Please check the website for more details: https://conferences.sigcomm.org/events/apnet2025/registration.php.

Keynote talks: Matthew Caesar, UIUC, ACM SIGCOMM Chair; Dongsu Han, KAIST
Industry Spotlight Talks: https://conferences.sigcomm.org/events/apnet2025/industry.php
Academic Insight Talks: https://conferences.sigcomm.org/events/apnet2025/sigcommnsdi.php

Registration Information - APNET 2025

Dan Ports21h ago
Irene Zhang1d ago
Miso is back and back to being a gremlin. He’s really settled in to our house well and he’s been consulting with Pixel on the schedule. #caturday #cats #catsofmastodon
Dan Ports21h ago
Irene Zhang1d ago

Edit: Apologies to #mosstodon, this is not actually moss, which I knew when I planted it but then proceeded to forget.

I’ve been so excited about this moss that I planted because I love the vibrant color and texture but today, I noticed that it BLOOMED. I didn’t even know that moss did that!! #mosstodon

Dan Ports22h ago
enargeia2d ago
Dan Ports1d ago
Really love how this week's email from my CSA starts off with a Pride message about resistance and then immediately pivots into talking about the joys of garlic scapes.
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Show threadVissFeb 12
it.. publishes via btle that the user went into the settings menu?
Show threadVissFeb 12

so heres the oral-b site for these things:

https://oralb.com/en-us/products/electric-toothbrushes/oral-b-io-series-9-rechargeable-electric-toothbrush-black-onyx/

Oral-B iO Series 9 Rechargeable Electric Toothbrush, Black Onyx

The Oral-B's iO Series 9 utilizes powerful, but gentle micro-vibrating bristles. Experience the WOW of a professional clean feel at home.

Oral-B
Show threadVissFeb 13

hackcon day 2:

a third toothbrush has arrived.

I have added it to the tracking card, watching its rssi

Show threadVissFeb 13
and then there were four
Show threadVissFeb 13

... and now there are five.

and ive had to switch to apex charts, because the built in HA ones dont handle 5 items on one chart well in the legend

Show threadBillFeb 13
@Viss Are attendees practicing good dental hygiene? We expect a full report.
Show threadFritz AdalisFeb 13
@Sempf @Viss
Can it tell who has [picard voice] the gum disease GINGIVITIS?
Show threadApicultor 🐝Feb 13

@FritzAdalis I HEARD HIS VOICE 🥹

@Sempf @Viss

Show threadsynthBirbaFeb 13
@Viss I'm following this story more than Italians are following Sanremo now
Show threadXavier «X» Santolaria  Feb 13
@Viss When do I know whey they brush their teeth? Because truth to be told, this is the most important intel you want to get 
Show threadVissFeb 13
@0x58
Show threadXavier «X» Santolaria  Feb 13
@Viss The early birds brush their teeth!
Show threadClickyMcTickerFeb 13
@0x58 @Viss either they brushed in three seconds or they had a different mode they were in prior. I’m hoping it’s the latter.
Show threadVissFeb 13
@ClickyMcTicker @0x58 i think whats happening is that whenever they click through the menu, it squirts btle out, and i guess its so that if they have the mobile app open, the app can track what the user is doing? i dunno. its wild.
Show threadcaraneaFeb 13
@Viss
Actually bought an Oral-b IO toothbrush recently... Thankfully you can use it just fine without ever installing the app and connecting it to your phone, otherwise wouldn't have bought it. After all, it's a frigging electric toothbrush and has absolutely no reason to connect to anything other than power for charging. The silly trend of making everything "smart" and slapping "AI" on the packaging is seriously annoying.
Show threadVissFeb 13
@caranea im not sure this has anything to do with its app, necessarily, because its the toothbrush itself thats spraying btle everywhere
Show threadcaraneaFeb 13
@Viss
Hm. Will have a peek later. My understanding was that it at least shouldn't communicate a status if it was never activated in the first place.
Show threadVissFeb 13
@caranea i dont think there are three people at a security con brushing their teeth during presentations
Show threadcaraneaFeb 13
@Viss
That would be quite something... 😂
Should have been clearer. Meant that in terms of tracking and communicating the past and current status if it was never connected to anything. Assumption is that the folx at the conference use it with the app when brushing their teeth, so the toothbrush is looking out for the connection. This last part would likely not be 24/7, but only when it is activated (tilt sensor, so being jostled in a backpack is enough for it to think you're picking it up to brush your teeth).
Show threadVissFeb 13
@caranea im guessing folks just have these things in their backpacks and theyre getting jostled and buttons are getting pressed
Show threadcaraneaFeb 14
@Viss
Tested it last evening. Indeed it tries to connect any time the brush turns on (just the display, no need for the motor etc.). The tilt sensor actually seems to become more sensitive with the Bluetooth function turned on, leading to even slight jostling activating the brush, no button press necessary. You can deactivate Bluetooth on the brush though, which saves battery and stops the silliness (obviously not an option if you install and use the app).
Show threadVissFeb 14

@caranea heh, so yeah, we were assuming correctly. toothbrushes in backpacks just kicking around squirting btle all over the place.

the crowd really liked it though, i added several slides about WTF TOOTHBRUSHES to the end of my deck

Show threadthejikzFeb 12
@Viss tried sending a ping to get it to buzz yet?! LOL
Show threadVissFeb 12
@thejikz not sure its possible, sadly
Show threadthejikzFeb 12
@Viss well, not with that attitude, why can't it play doom yet?! bzzbzz. XD
still, real cool but weird thing.
Show threadVissFeb 12
@thejikz thats a good question, it does have a display!
Show threadTim PantonFeb 12

@Viss Silly story time...
A _long_ time ago at a devcon I mentioned how stupid some IoT was and said that it would be fun to hack on but that they were too expensive for a joke...

Unfortunately the guy sitting next to me organised a whip round and $100 later I was kinda committed to hacking on a toothbrush.

In the end I tied it to voicemail so that it said "Mr Panton is brushing his teeth right now, but will be available to take your call in 97 seconds". There may be a video somewhere.

Show threadTim PantonFeb 12
@Viss If I remember right, @jcolp was the instigator of the whip-round .
Show threadJoshua C. Colp 🇨🇦 🚴 🏃 🚣‍♂️Feb 12
@steely_glint @Viss Kicker is, it was funded before it even got to me. :P
Show threadCatSalad🐈🥗 (D.Burch) Feb 12
@Viss *Toothbrush Noises* I'm in...
Show threadVissFeb 12
@catsalad *bzzzzzzzzzzzz*