Mastodawn

Realised today that "calendars/to-do-lists" used to be a really good thing in my life but that is no longer that case and I wonder if other ADHD brains have experienced this?

Pre-digital I always had lists of things that I needed to get done, and of course a fraction of things ever made it off the list BUT some things did and that was a win.

I feel now my to-do-list via calendar gets list inside tiny little boxes on a tiny little screen and I don't look at my calendar anyway it's rubbish. Thanks Google. I tried using a to-do-list in my note-taking system (UpNote) but again that is a deluge of information and I can barely focus attention on the most urgent note I'm working on and the to-do-list gets looked once every three months instead.

I am not doing any of this well, and that's making me unhappy.

Not saying it will cure my procrastination or lack of focus, but maybe someone else is doing this better and can share.

#ADHD

Ewen Bell 📸Mar 22

This has been a wonderful thread and I am really grateful to everyone who shared. I feel less alone with this challenge, and convinced that I need to set regular reminders to refocus on a physical notebook and pen.

All solutions are temporary solutions it seems. That's the nature of the beast.

One more observation though, one that hasn't come up in the replies but was itching the back of my brain. Another reason I'm finding it hard to sit at my desk and just get shit done is because the last few years have been really difficult... And have brought a lot of failure.

I don't just mean covid. And the war mongerers. And tech bros making everything shit. But personally I've gone through immense failure over the past decade. This is normal when you're self employed, but it does take a toll. When you first set off as a freelancer you have to learn that things don't always go well, and to ride it through. You need a thick skin.

But after three decades that thick skin can feel heavy and tiresome. It's really difficult starting off a new project and watching it die, let alone after three decades of that. Every so often something works and that keeps the lights on, but honestly most of being creatively self employed is rejection and failure.

And that's one reason I'm struggling to even get started on stuff right now.

@[email protected]
If you do it for yourself and only for yourself, then it's not dependent on the well-being of imaginary others. Then it's for you. It doesn't have to order or structure everything; it should simply creep in like a sweet little quirk.

Ewen Bell 📸Mar 23

@Kaja

I think the reason I ended up self-employed is because it's hard for me to fit into a normal job :) Back then I didn't really know what ADHD was.

My photography and teaching is my income. Maybe I shouldn't give away so much of each for free. But I have to, otherwise I feel I am hoarding and being anti-social. I want to help others if i can. But also I have to make a living. Finding a common ground between being creative, being a citizen, and being self-employed is not so simple perhaps.

I have a friend who bought a cheap house in a country town, with enough room for a few chickens and time enough to walk to the beach. Part of me wants to be that friend. I am not skilled at just enjoying the quiet. Have spent too much of my life in survival mode, and never learned what it means to "relax".

@ewen It's really hard for me to see what you are doing as failure, Ewen. Although I appreciate there are important elements that are quite invisible to us (like resulting sustainable income, for example), the visible elements of what you do are outstanding.

Ewen Bell 📸Mar 23

@carusb

Thankyou Chris.

Yeah I don't share my failures so much. But they have been numerous and pretty intense over the years. 9/10 things I try will fail. 1/10 keeps the lights on. It's been a heavy 12 months especially. Have put a lot of myself into things that have not worked out. The cupboard is bare.

Harald H. Foto Mar 23

@ewen 🫂

armadillosoft Mar 22

I still write my to do lists on scraps of paper and some times they get lost and I just have to start new lists

armadillosoft Mar 22

I also have a paper calendar, but that's just for meetings, appointments, and such, not for tasks.

Ewen Bell 📸Mar 22

@Armadillosoft

Effective and dynamic :)

I have gone back to writing things down in a physical diary. I am convinced that the act of writing things down actively helps me remember what I am doing.

Everyday AuDHD Mar 22

@PetraPhoenix @ewen I use paper for certain things, with the Bullet Journal method. Digital is useful but easily distracting. On paper I put only key taks of the day. Not perfect but helps, and I get to choose what task to do next.

Ewen Bell 📸Mar 22

@everydayadhd @PetraPhoenix

I'll definitely end up back on paper. Need to work out how to keep some focus on long term tasks versus daily details.

To add: I cam only run one diary at a time, so all my tasks and appointments for everything go in the same diary, but colour coded so I know what I am doing. If I try and run more than one it all falls apart

@PetraPhoenix @[email protected] I still have a Filofax (well, two), but I haven’t put diary pages in for several years, using them mainly for notebooks for secret ideas. ( haven’t had any ideas for years though.

Ewen Bell 📸Mar 22

@u0421793 @PetraPhoenix

I like the idea of a Filofax. Very hands on.

Until covid I used to drag out a nice big A3 drawing pad and scribble out a "mind map" of all the high level things that I want to focus on for the year to come. Was very useful to get my head above the noise and look at bigger pictures. For a little while it can help me drill into those lists and sub-lists. But the mind-map disappears from my focus again soon enough.

I haven't got a big open space with clean walls to pin my notes etc. Kind of work in a shoe-box when I'm home :)

@[email protected] @PetraPhoenix I’ve got Filofaxes because I was a bit ‘into’ them a several decades ago (but unfashionably after they were popular). There was a time a few years ago I wanted to discuss something with a friend without it being picked up by anything electronic so we met out in the open and we turned our phones off and I used the Filofax to do the explanations (wasn’t a good idea in the end btw but I wanted to keep it top secret at the time).

However, these days I’m more interested in what alternatives there are that aren’t tied to one specific company. WHSmith I mean TJHooker or whatever they changed their name to in recent months has their own compatible range of Filofax-like stuff, which might not be as luxurious but is functionally the same, so I wonder if the ring binder count and spacing might form a sort of ‘standard’ that any other maker could also adopt and sell products adhering to.

I’m not sure the three plus three ring arrangement is actually the best way though. It’s good, but is there a better way? Funnily I spent time last week trying to imagine what a similar type of paper document management binder/folder/wallet arrangement might look like if the Filofax were never invented, but for example an alternative were arrived at, and became a ‘standard’ before one company could get hold of it and monopolise it. What would the functionally equivalent thing be like if Filofax and their publicised origin story had never happened, but the need were felt and something else materialised instead, and it were ‘an open standard’ instead.

In reality it’s no use doing that now, it’s easier to buy pages that already exist with the already existing punched hole spacing of a Filofax personal, but this was a ‘what if’ for a storyline.

Ewen Bell 📸Mar 22

@u0421793 @PetraPhoenix

That's lovely!

I do feel that some kind of physical list on paper is what my brain requires. Cumbersome perhaps, but once something leaves my field of vision it is hard to bring out my awareness again.

Ewen Bell 📸Mar 22

@PetraPhoenix

I feel this too.

@ewen yeah, putting things in my calendar on my phone does not work at all. I have a small calendar with an overview over the whole week on my desk directly below my work screen for work things in addition to a notebook calendar for private things AND a huge year calendar on several of my walls for long term plans. I mark those plans in bright colours and cross out every done day in black so one look across the room shows me exactly where I am in the year and how many weeks/days to the next event.

Edit: for tasks and chores I actually write post-it notes and glue them into places I can see or directly onto the thing that needs to be done and hope my brain latches onto it in passing 😅

Ewen Bell 📸Mar 22

@DrJLecter

It's been so long since I've had walls. I miss them. We have windows and shelves. No space for your luxurious indulgences!

Very jealous now.

@ewen maybe create a curtain out of a calendar to use the window space 😅

I have too much wall. I desperately need more shelves because I lack storage room to put books and stuff 💀

Ewen Bell 📸Mar 23

@DrJLecter

It is what it is. Life in a small apartment has its limitations.

@ewen very true! I guess in a few years when I had time to purchase more shelves because I'm tired of stacking things on the floor, I'll have your problems, too 😅

Snowgaze ❄️

@ewen I've changed over the years, from using emails to calendar entries as reminders. All of that stopped working+ privacy concerns, so now I use my phone alarms as reminders (I set an alarm for specific dates and times for my to do events). And pieces of paper for daily to do lists, which may at most last a couple of days. Much better. Still use a calendar for planning, but moving that to proton.

Ewen Bell 📸Mar 22

@snowgaze

Interesting how many folks here are saying that any solution is a temporary solution in reality.

I just have to accept that.

@ewen I had the same issue, but I'm now using a digital calendar with a super small pocket notebook where I write my todos rollong list style using more or less the bullet journal format of lists.

Amazingly it's been working consistenly since november.

Ps: maybe I'm explaining myself horrendously (english it's my thord language), feel free to ask anything.

#adhd #todos #taskmanagment

Ewen Bell 📸Mar 22

@Pdlaon

I think I need a separate screen or physical paper for my lists. Can't be my phone or desktop, they are so crowded with other information!

@ewen fellow #ADHD brain here. I've long known that lists and schedules are dangerous for me. I not only can't follow them, they actually disrupt how I track things.

I do use lists, I just use them differently. My problem is if I make extensive use of them, I automatically disengage from remembering my plan and my memory for near term things is complete shit.

I don't just forget what I planned to do. I actually forget that there was even something I was supposed to remember.

Lists only work for me when they're used to help me organize my thoughts and form a strategy of how I want to attack a problem. If I write down loose unrelated items it all becomes background noise to me.

The paradox is that by the time I finish my list, I mostly don't need it anymore. It has shape and context in my head.

I use computer sticky notes or small text docs that I edit frequently. I also try to only do this when absolutely needed so I don't habituate and it starts becoming more noise I'll forget about as well.

Ewen Bell 📸Mar 22

@sysop408

That's a great way to think of the challenge... Avoiding turning a list into noise!

I also find the process of writing down my thoughts tend to offload them as well. I even wrote about this recently when discussing my process of writing.

@ewen remember how Day Planners were all the rage?

I never liked them, but someone gave me one as a gift when I was a graduate student so I gave it a shot. I immediately became less punctual and went from forgetting one appointment a month to one every week.

I'm glad I tried that because it made me realize early on that rigid organization techniques cause my brain to short circuit.

Ewen Bell 📸Mar 23

@sysop408

Yeah I totally hate them and totally need them.

It's hard to focus on the things that exist beyond the current week. Seeing a few months at a time makes a big difference.

Wonderdog 🏳️‍🌈Mar 22

@ewen The only system of "to do" lists that ever half way worked for me was bullet journal style.

In a physical journal/notebook, under each day, write out each task, and tick them off as they get done.

Those they don't get done get moved to the next day IF they are still assessed as important.

Tick off and repeat.

Nothing I've tried as a phone/email/coordinating with calendar on phone has worked, I just don't check it enough, for some reason. Even though having multiple alarms before calendar events gets me to appointments on time.

Ewen Bell 📸Mar 22

@caity

Yeah that's where I'm at. Need to get back to the paper and pen.

zahlenzauber*in

@ewen In my experience all of these tools and hacks have a best before date for me. They work for anytime from two weeks to years but nothing seems to last forever.

At the at work I use a todo.txt with sleek, works for me at the moment but might change anytime. And we as a family use a shared calendar with very strickt rules for what to put in and setting notifications.

Ewen Bell 📸Mar 22

@Zahlenzauberin

Thanks for that perspective. Definitely feel any life hack here is a temporary measure.

I find things like Google calendar are not visual enough, and they minimise each day into little boxes and my brain wants to ignore it.

Havoc BSc MSc 💚Mar 22

@ewen I had been happily(ish) using Samsung Reminder app. Lots of individual bulleted task lists, date & (partially) priority sortable, with tick boxes and notifications (if I want them), with optional (colour coded 😄) folders.
Then Samsung updated it so their folders (which I don't use) are allover the page when I open it, I cant delete them and they don't go away (only minimise a bit) 😡 I can manage but the last thing my adhd needs is more clutter!
(I don't have them showing in my diary)

Ewen Bell 📸Mar 22

@Havoc_online

Companies that change their UI all the time deserve a special place in hell!

@Havoc_online @[email protected]

...like all the shops that always rearrange things just when we know where everything is. May karma punish them with living in labyrinths filled with loud and unbearable music.

Ewen Bell 📸Mar 23

@Kaja @Havoc_online

:)

... And a range of annoying American accents!

Through April rain the Chris Mar 22

@ewen I use a (digital) calendar only to remember things which have to happen at a certain exact time - meetings, trains/planes, that sort of thing.
Other things I write down in my daily work journal (with a pen that I find pleasant to use, on paper that’s also nice!), and like others I tick them off as they’re done or copy them to the next day if necessary. Also like others, I find actual physical writing gets my brain working in some magic and useful way.

Ewen Bell 📸Mar 22

@baz

I feel this is my future.

@ewen It's probably a different use case, given that at my age short term memory may be a > factor than any ADHD (which might also be a factor, I guess), but my general strategy is to physically move things. The tablets I take get moved around the kitchen: overnight, after breakfast, after lunch, all different. I might move the vacuum cleaner into the centre of the hall before going out, or get the tax folder out & plonk it on my chair. I still absent-mindedly move things again, but a start!

Ewen Bell 📸Mar 23

@carusb

Yeah I run my desk space in a similar way. Have to see things to act on things. But we live in a small apartment of 92sm for the two of us plus our 'self-employed' businesses. I already cause my wife immense stress by scattering things all over the place. I try not to. It's just a tough fit to live in a small space while trying to juggle so many things.