Realised today that "calendars/to-do-lists" used to be a really good thing in my life but that is no longer that case and I wonder if other ADHD brains have experienced this?

Pre-digital I always had lists of things that I needed to get done, and of course a fraction of things ever made it off the list BUT some things did and that was a win.

I feel now my to-do-list via calendar gets list inside tiny little boxes on a tiny little screen and I don't look at my calendar anyway it's rubbish. Thanks Google. I tried using a to-do-list in my note-taking system (UpNote) but again that is a deluge of information and I can barely focus attention on the most urgent note I'm working on and the to-do-list gets looked once every three months instead.

I am not doing any of this well, and that's making me unhappy.

Not saying it will cure my procrastination or lack of focus, but maybe someone else is doing this better and can share.

#ADHD
This has been a wonderful thread and I am really grateful to everyone who shared. I feel less alone with this challenge, and convinced that I need to set regular reminders to refocus on a physical notebook and pen.

All solutions are temporary solutions it seems. That's the nature of the beast.

One more observation though, one that hasn't come up in the replies but was itching the back of my brain. Another reason I'm finding it hard to sit at my desk and just get shit done is because the last few years have been really difficult... And have brought a lot of failure.

I don't just mean covid. And the war mongerers. And tech bros making everything shit. But personally I've gone through immense failure over the past decade. This is normal when you're self employed, but it does take a toll. When you first set off as a freelancer you have to learn that things don't always go well, and to ride it through. You need a thick skin.

But after three decades that thick skin can feel heavy and tiresome. It's really difficult starting off a new project and watching it die, let alone after three decades of that. Every so often something works and that keeps the lights on, but honestly most of being creatively self employed is rejection and failure.

And that's one reason I'm struggling to even get started on stuff right now.
@[email protected]
If you do it for yourself and only for yourself, then it's not dependent on the well-being of imaginary others. Then it's for you. It doesn't have to order or structure everything; it should simply creep in like a sweet little quirk.
@Kaja

I think the reason I ended up self-employed is because it's hard for me to fit into a normal job :) Back then I didn't really know what ADHD was.

My photography and teaching is my income. Maybe I shouldn't give away so much of each for free. But I have to, otherwise I feel I am hoarding and being anti-social. I want to help others if i can. But also I have to make a living. Finding a common ground between being creative, being a citizen, and being self-employed is not so simple perhaps.

I have a friend who bought a cheap house in a country town, with enough room for a few chickens and time enough to walk to the beach. Part of me wants to be that friend. I am not skilled at just enjoying the quiet. Have spent too much of my life in survival mode, and never learned what it means to "relax".
@ewen It's really hard for me to see what you are doing as failure, Ewen. Although I appreciate there are important elements that are quite invisible to us (like resulting sustainable income, for example), the visible elements of what you do are outstanding.
@carusb

Thankyou Chris.

Yeah I don't share my failures so much. But they have been numerous and pretty intense over the years. 9/10 things I try will fail. 1/10 keeps the lights on. It's been a heavy 12 months especially. Have put a lot of myself into things that have not worked out. The cupboard is bare.